I may have some good news! I took my first CBD gummy earlier tonight when I felt the anxiety picking up and soon felt much better. So either something up there is just teasing me or I’m really onto something. The question is whether or not they’ll continue to have this calming effect on me. The problem with some medications/supplements is that they can lose their effectiveness in time.

OMG, though do they taste awful! I got the full spectrum cherry mango-flavored ones in 10-milligram doses. It didn’t make me tired at all but gave me a slightly dry mouth and a slight tingling/burning sensation in the side of my upper lip. It’s still way better than anxiety! I had a weird feeling in my mouth when I ate too, but nothing serious.

Last night ended up being pretty horrible with both anxiety and depression and I wish I had them then. I would have if FedEx didn’t have to go and fuck up the delivery.

I’m glad Tom remembered a GNC store nearby. That way, if these keep working, I can just go over there and get them. I just have to remember not to let my supply get too low in case they’re out of stock and I have to order online again.

Ordered some incense from Amazon. Chocolate, birthday cake, cinnamon, gingerbread, blueberry muffin, and sugar cookie.

Also ordered necklaces and bracelets for fragrance oils. They come with little felt pads that you put a drop or two of oil onto, and then you place it back in the necklace or bracelet.

Later…

I did OK after taking my first CBD gummy. Some moments I felt like the anxiety was lurking beneath the surface and was going to bubble back up but it didn’t. As horrible as they taste, it will be plenty worth it if they continue to be helpful. They have a very chemical and medicinal taste. I didn’t taste any of the cherry or the mango that was supposed to be in it. The only thing I didn’t like was the tingling/burning sensation in my left upper lip. I read that this is a side effect since they can’t get rid of 100% of the THC. From what I can tell though, it’s not dangerous. Just annoying.

Depending on how much of my problem is still hormonal, well, I did find an article that says that you can have symptoms 4-5 years beyond the point in which you become menopausal which is once you’ve gone a year without a bleeder. Sometimes the symptoms can carry on even longer. This is both encouraging and discouraging. If I knew that enough of this was due to the hormones, it’s encouraging in that it wouldn’t go on forever. But it’s also discouraging to know it could go on for years to come as if 8 years hasn’t been enough.

I decided that if being on nights really is part of the problem for some reason, then no more nights! Audiobook time starts somewhere between 9:00-10:00 PM and it’s lights out at 11 and then out of bed by 7 no matter how I feel. But then I realize that it’s a bit much for me to make a big jump like that so fast, so I’ll make similar increments as I am with my medication dose. First I’ll try to hold it for a few days, then do a roll. Then I’ll try to hold it for a little more than a few days and do another roll.

Ten more days with the honking motorcycle man! God, I hope his plans haven’t changed and that he’s not going to be delayed from going back, but I can’t see him here beyond mid-April if worse comes to worst. I forgot I can do a video playback, so I looked back to yesterday morning between the hours of 9-10 when I thought a loud motor might have woken me up if I wasn’t dreaming and I didn’t see any movement over there. So if what I heard was real, it wasn’t him.

In 2023, they’re going to do away with daylight savings altogether. It will be nice not having to deal with remembering to change clocks, even though the only two we change these days are the microwave and stove.

Had a dream suggesting I may die at 69 if I don’t kill myself before that. I’m not sure if “they” were talking about me specifically or those with high cholesterol, but it seemed like it had something to do with that.