In my early 2000s journals, I wrote about how he was trying to write a handicapping program that could predict winning horses. He came so close but then it was a heartbreaking letdown in the end.

But now it’s 2022. And now he has the three most important ingredients to finish what he started all those years ago. He has a great computer, a great connection, and plenty of time. He’s already been winning small amounts of money. If he could get consistent with winning $40 regularly and then increase the bet tenfold, we could be looking at a lot of money. Maybe not millions, but close to what he was making when he was working.

I want so badly to live close to the beach if not on it. Like within walking distance of it. If I could step out onto the beach every time I got anxious, it may help tremendously. I would still kill to have my parents’ old dock where I could sit out there at night and listen to the ocean waves crash against the walls of that little canal. Well, the more money the horses generated, the more options we would have. Plus, we could use a little more space. We’re not cramped in here like we were in Jesse’s trailer, but a little more space wouldn’t hurt. We don’t need a mansion (I would have to clean all that space), but it sure would be nice if those horses got us a bigger place someday. It’s always nice to have goals to aim for. Trying not to get my hopes up too high with that or the new med, but still…you can’t help but think about it and hope anyway.

Burger King was so good yesterday. So was the Hershey’s chocolate milkshake that I got for the first time. It had a hint of caramel in it that was so damn good. The only part of it that wasn’t good was the acid reflux I had afterward. Plus I had the runs today. I also had the runs yesterday before we left, but I don’t know what caused it then.

My new medication should be here tomorrow but I’ll probably start it the next day. I’m still hopeful but nervous about it and so glad he’s not working! I’d hate to have to be alone to deal with whatever may arise like back at the other place. It was traumatizing enough with people around, but to have to go through what I went through alone as I did was even more traumatizing.

Galileo gave me a link to a breathing video. It’s supposed to reset the nervous system. It’s called the 4-7-8 breathing technique. When the anxiety returns, I’ll try it. I just hope the medication helps! Because it doesn’t have fillers, it’s supposed to keep a more consistent level of the hormone in your body. Galileo and I agreed that we would see how the medication worked first. If it doesn’t help, I’ll try the CBD gummies. If not, I’ll ask for a psychiatrist referral. I really want to keep the shrink as a last resort.

I read the numbering wrong on the first anxiety test I did. I thought it was weird that it said my score was only a 4. After I re-did it, I found it was an 8.

They also shared an article on high cholesterol, which did say that I was right to question the effectiveness of statins. I guess there are certain things they don’t test for in the regular lipid testing they do. Basically, there are no guarantees, but treatment isn’t an option anyway when you’re too sensitive to the side effects. Weight loss is out of the question too, but as I told them, I have been exercising nearly every day. They also recommend the Mediterranean diet, which is supposed to be one of the healthiest in the world. I asked them just how often I can safely have fish. Fish is a big part of that diet and I do love fish. It’s my favorite meat which I could easily stand to eat every day. I just hesitate because I don’t know how safe it is.

OK, they just sent me a link to a list and I also did some research of my own as I learned you can’t take the word of just one doctor. You really have to do your own research. Doc A trying to tell me the medication can’t make me anxious and that it was OK to take magnesium before the four-hour waiting period is proof of that.

Speaking of Doc A, why is she ignoring me? She has never once commented or reacted to any of my posts. I just left a quick audio asking what was up with her and she listened to it but never responded.

So I got a list of different fish from highest mercury to lowest mercury. I have plenty of low-mercury options, fortunately.

I like adding the music option when doing VZfit in the daytime because it drowns out little sounds, keeps me from getting distracted as easily, and feels like I work a little harder. I move more consistently this way as I follow the beat.

I forgot to mention that on our way back, Tom suddenly exclaimed, “Look at that turtle!” But by the time I turned my head, we passed it. He said it was pretty big too, at least a foot. He did some research and I guess they do have some wild turtles here. Anything is better than skunks! Hated that smell with a passion, and I don’t miss it at all.

Once again, Facebook is pissing the shit out of me. I can see how frustrating it is for Andy because he has groups, and now Jessie’s so-called “silly paranoia” makes more sense. If you put it out there, Facebook will share it. First, they piss you off with all the stupid rules you supposedly violated. Then they go and they rearrange everything on you and you have to relearn how to use it and where everything is. Now they’ve gone and made my friend list public, and they’re also continuing to notify people when I share posts with either just them exclusively or a handful of people. I never wanted them to know that shit and I never wanted my friend list made public either. Apparently, Facebook’s goal is to get people to interact with each other. And they think that violating their privacy is going to accomplish that? If you can’t honor my wishes by respecting my privacy and allowing me to use the settings I choose, why would I want to use your site?

I wonder if they’ve ever made my phone number public without me knowing it, and that’s how it’s gotten into the hands of so many spammers and scammers who seem to know my name even though I haven’t had this number for very long. If they haven’t, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before they share my number. The thing is I can’t remove it because I need it for verification and recovery purposes should I be hacked. I would definitely get rid of Facebook in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for the Oculus since all I need is Messenger. But Oculus is Facebook and I can’t use it without it.

Not only does the exposed friend list piss me off, but now Tom is exposed. They’ve gone and pointed out his account to Andy, who would definitely be nosy enough to check it out, and whoever else happens to spot it. Tom knows how to ignore people, and I’m pretty sure his account is set up not to accept message requests, but that’s not the point. The point is, why bother to give people the option of hiding it if they’re not going to let them?

I decided that there will be no more posting on Facebook. Again, I don’t need it. I can still comment and react to other people’s stuff, but I’m not posting anything of my own unless it’s private pictures that I want to download to my computer that I delete afterward. They’ve breached my privacy enough and I figure if I don’t put it out there, it can’t be shared.

I wish Shelly would share more of her life with me. I’ve tried reaching out to her more often, but she really is that much of a hermit. Facebook can’t respect anyone’s wishes, but I can respect hers even if I wish she was a little more sociable. She’s just such an interesting person. She’s unique in a lot of ways. At the same time, we seem to have a lot in common from our creative streaks to living a hermit-like existence, although she’s way more of a hermit than I am. There are times she doesn’t go out more than just a couple of times a month. She also doesn’t drive, and she is supported by her man, only they’re not married. I was shocked to learn that he’s 30 years older. He’s 69 and she’s about to turn 39. When she’s a widow when she’s around my age, I wonder what she’ll do then. How will she take care of herself and how will she get around?