This is the third day I’ve been calm and the second tired. I’ve got to increase my waiting time again. I’m going to suck up and savor every calm day I can get. I’ll never take those days for granted. It makes me all the more appreciative. I can count my list of gratitudes right along with my complaints. I’m so glad I’m not a girl in Pakistan forced to marry some sick pervert I can’t kill without getting killed myself, for example. I don’t have to worry about the Taliban cutting my thumb off just because I put nail polish on.

But women in the US are finding their reproductive parts more and more under lock and key. There are ways to get around the crazy laws, but it doesn’t make them any less sick, unfair, and infuriating. Idaho is the first state to copycat Texas with the six-week abortion limit only they say they’ll make exceptions for rape. That is only if the woman can prove it with a police report. So a rapist doesn’t have to prove himself to anybody, but a woman has to prove that she was raped. Pretty fucked up if you ask me, but to be honest, the more twisted laws I hear about coming into effect, the less they faze me. Just as long as they never touch me personally or my husband.

I’m so sick of TV sending a message to women that abortion is murder and never an option. Years ago, if a teenager got pregnant, she was forced to have an abortion. Now she’s called a murderer if she even thinks of having one. Funny too, considering the fact that work is being pushed more and more on women in this country as opposed to family.

I can’t take black cohosh every day or else it messes with my stomach. It’s kinda too bad too because it helps with hot flashes and it might also help with my moods.

I filled in Galileo and they said I don’t need a psych referral. That’s nice, but I’m still hesitant because I don’t see what they can do for me that no one else did for me in the past. The most they could do is give me lorazepam. I can’t tolerate anything else. No amount of breathing or thinking a certain way is going to stop it. The only thing I can do when I get anxious is suffer and wait it out. It sucks, but that’s my reality.

Darren is still here. He’s been trimming trees and washing and spraying his roof for mold. The motorcycle has been covered for a few days. If I had to guess, he’s a week away from leaving.

The guy across from Toni got new carpet. It sure went quickly compared to when we got carpet in NorCal since the houses here tend to be smaller.

It’s raining today, so I’m hearing that right now. I don’t know if it was the wind or what, but a few mornings ago it almost sounded like the old freeway. All the fucking motorcycles were making my head spin.

We went to Burger King yesterday and decided to take our food back home. Why eat there and listen to music we don’t want to listen to when we can eat with our shows at home?

I got my first payment from Branded Surveys and even Tom joined.

Tom found a site called Sidequest which has thousands and thousands of games. They’re not all free, but there’s so much to check out. I’m trying to get the hang of this car racing game I downloaded.

Also, I decided to bring the vibe platform back out and do VZfit on it. I missed the way the platform really worked my core and sucked in my gut, making my clothes fit better.

I had a dream that Tom found or bought this gadget that you shine on your body. If yellow spots appeared, that meant your cholesterol was high. His body showed no yellow spots, but I had several on my torso.

Then I had a dream we were living on the beach in a small two-story place. The place was close to others, but I didn’t seem bothered by it. Sick of cleaning the house, I decided to take a break and go for a swim. Only after I threw my swimsuit on and headed around the corner to this little strip of beach, I was horrified to find a giant Anaconda. It had to have been a few feet wide and hundreds of feet long.