When I saw the trunk of the visitor’s car open yesterday morning, I knew that was it and that they were leaving. I also knew that it would be right back to the motorcycle, but I didn’t know it would be in less than an hour. At least the fucker didn’t wake me up when it returned because I was out by then. I swear it’s either company or motorcycles and projects for this guy. I can’t wait for him to get the fuck out! Until then. I’m sure the motorcycle will be two or three times a week unless he starts another project or has company before he leaves. I’m hoping he’ll often spend the day out somewhere but wouldn’t be surprised if I heard more from over there until they leave.

I mentioned to Tom wanting to do something to get rid of the motorcycles, but understandably, his paranoid side kicked in. Almost anybody that complains in these places is going to get counter complaints. I get that. But either way, how could I have known that the freeloaders had a pig pal? How could I have known that Joy was friends with the Beckers, although it explained how they got away with their kids and grandkids living there for so long? You just can’t always know what kinds of connections people have. On top of that, people really can’t handle complaints. They want to make their jobs easier. And the way to do that is to counter-complain rather than deal with the complaint.

I think it’s always easier to say you’ll complain in a certain situation. But then when it comes down to it, if you’ve got a complex put on you by past experiences that came from speaking out, you just don’t in the end. You keep quiet and you take whatever and hope it doesn’t go on too long. That’s why I didn’t fight back against the termites. I wanted to, but it just wasn’t that easy even though we had her voice threatening me. I got screwed big time for complaining, and I remember that. I honestly don’t know what it would take to get me to speak up, but I hope I never have to find out because I have a feeling it would be quite a bit. That is definitely my weakness. I’ve always had a problem with taking responsibility for things that weren’t my fault, not fighting back, and being too forgiving. Now, saying I would punch someone who took swings at me is different because that’s a matter of instinct/reflexes/survival kicking in. So yeah, I would definitely fight back that way as I have in the past.

His fighting back against the unemployment decision and getting a lawyer took incredible guts. And the fact that he could pull it off without repercussions was even more amazing.

It wasn’t just being spited that got Tom paranoid, but the fact that they don’t add restrictions in this place but lift them. Even when they do change rules, that doesn’t mean existing things can’t remain. They changed the pet size to be smaller, but that doesn’t mean they can get rid of the German Shepherds and other oversized dogs.

I totally forgot about how they lift restrictions but don’t add any in these places until he reminded me about it. I think that’s why these kinds of places are going downhill and aren’t what they were in the past. It’s sad too because it defeats the whole purpose of having these places. In another 10 or 20 years, I wonder if they’re going to be worth it at all. If they keep adding the same shit that’s out there, then what’s the point of being in here? You might as well bring in the kids next. And why not college animals and freeloaders? If by some miracle we resolve my anxiety issues and we ever have the money to move, maybe then we’ll be in a motorcycleless park…until they lift the restrictions there as well.

I slept OK, but I could have sworn a jolt of some kind woke me up.

Galileo says they don’t prescribe controlled substances and they’re consulting their thyroid experts and will get back to me in a few days. I still hold out little hope that this problem will ever be resolved. I don’t think we’ll ever be able to prove without a reasonable doubt exactly what it is, much less what to do about it.

Although…maybe it is just a matter of getting used to the dose increase. It took three weeks to get used to adding one 88 a week. I’m already starting to feel better after completing two weeks of two 88s. Well, when my old doctor started me on three 88s a week, I didn’t get past 10 days before I gave up on that. I started to ask myself then why didn’t I get used to the 75s as long as I was on them? Maybe because of the erratic doses and the way I was skipping? Could I possibly be starting to feel better now because I cut my waiting time down or because I’m getting used to the two 88s?

Eh, getting normal numbers without anxiety is no doubt just a pipe dream. Some things just aren’t meant to be.