I love how Putin is complaining about Ukrainian resistance. Uhm, what did he expect? Like the freeloaders complaining about my reaction to their shit! You’re as naïve and as dumb as they come if you think you can harass and bully people that haven’t done a damn thing to provoke you and not get a reaction of some kind. What baffles me more is why no one’s taking care of Putin. If a tiger escapes from a zoo and starts running wild it is seen as the dangerous predator that it is and taken care of. I get that isn’t just him that’s unhinged, but also those who serve him. Still, you should start with the queen bee. Kill the queen and you help kill the drones.

Galileo replied saying that it’s hard to know if it’s really the medication causing the anxiety or the fact that my TSH is high. Low thyroid can also cause moodiness, but then I wonder why I wasn’t like this when I was first diagnosed in the 30s. Tom thinks it’s because I was younger then and only on the verge of perimenopause. Also, why wasn’t I anxious when my TSH was in the teens? Is it something that comes and goes but isn’t guaranteed to be a regular thing with low thyroid?

So before I go back to all 75s and see if I feel better, I decided to ask if they think I should make one last-ditch effort to get my body used to the medication by adding lorazepam when I feel anxious. I also asked their opinion on tryptophan and other OTC remedies. Lorazepam makes me drowsy, but it’s one of the very few medications I can tolerate the side effects. More than likely I will have to drop back to nothing but 75s and just take the hypo symptoms. Oh, and of course I wonder if something up there wants me not to treat my conditions and why. It’s obvious that something wants me to suffer if there’s anything up there. Those that say God helps those who help themselves are full of shit. If I haven’t been trying to help myself for the last eight years, then what would you call it? What have I been doing if not trying to help myself?

I am beyond sick of this shit! To say I’m sick of it is the understatement of the century. Finally, I turned to Tom and I said, “You know what? I’m giving it till I’m 60. If I’m still dealing with this shit on and off then, I’m going to end my suffering there. That will make a dozen years of this shit and that’s more than enough. I know I couldn’t always tolerate 75s, but still, I have absolutely no reason to think I’ll ever beat this thing. Myself as I used to know it is never coming back.”

Seriously, I’m so out of here at that point with or without his support, and of course he isn’t gonna support me killing myself. I’ve already given it more than enough chance to work itself out, though, and it’s not. Some things really aren’t meant to be. A dozen years of suffering will be more than enough.

Dixie died last night, and I mentioned that to Andy and how she was an old neighbor and kind of a friend and all that, and that I was still dealing with health issues, and Andy being typical Andy didn’t reply at all, even though he was online at the time. I’ve really got to stop sharing health issues with him. Remember, this is the guy who once called me a liar about my sleep disorder. He’s always been very selfish and insensitive. Unless I was literally dying right there on the spot, he’ll just ignore anything I say or change the subject. Such a caring, compassionate friend, ain’t he?

I should stop sharing some things with Jessie as well because even though she and I agree that’s what friends are for, and even if they say to let them know anything anytime, it’s not that easy because you don’t want to bring them down or worry them or burden them in any way. People like to hear good things.

So Dixie is a bit of a sad case, but not surprising. She was out of it in the end and selfish in her own way, but it’s still sad. I wonder how Diane is feeling.

The AC was inspected today and they didn’t wake me up. I asked Tom if they were noisy and they said they were kind of.

They passed a law in this county against those handing out money on the streets to peddlers. If caught, they get in trouble for it and so do the beggars. Tom is all for it because it pisses him off when he’s made to miss a light because the car in front of him is giving the beggar money. We get that anyone can become a victim of circumstances and hit rough times, but the streets aren’t the place to do your begging.

I was going to get a latch hook-making kit since it’s been so long since I’ve done that but decided to put it off for now. Instead, I’m contemplating getting a dusting kit. I hate dusting so much that I’m always looking for an easier way. Sticking with the magnetic duster means I can’t get into tight spaces but it would really be nice to eliminate the Swiffers because they are more expensive. I’ll go see if that skinnier microfiber wand we recently got can get in tight spaces. That has an extender so if it is usable, I can use it for high and tight places and the magnetic duster on the rest of the place.

The VR photo-sharing thing is working again. I think the last time I just didn’t give it time to sync to the phone. What will be interesting to see is if all the photos show up when I take dozens of them.

He’s been betting on the horses and they’ve been making a little money. About $40 a week. If he could keep doing that, that adds an additional couple of grand to our income.

A motorcycle came in around midnight, and from what I saw, it might have headed in the opposite direction, just past Toni. Maybe at the house that recently sold. It wouldn’t have woken me up. It probably would have at the old place, but not here. That shit still doesn’t belong in these places.

Darren is still behaving thanks to his out-of-state company. His truck wasn’t there all day, but there was a red SUV in addition to the red car that Tom said was there all day. It was gone when he got back. I heard him slam and honk in shortly after I got up at 7. I would really appreciate it if my neighbors didn’t “tell” me when they get home. As with the freeloaders’ music, dogs, and kids…I don’t care. I don’t wanna know about it or hear it. It’s none of my business and they shouldn’t make it my business. Either way, I love how my countdown to his departure has fallen into the 20s.