El cocko’s off to a late start this morning. It just left. Still no music yet.

Got an email from Kim today. She’s taking Spanish classes and has a test coming up.

Still keeping in touch with my folks every day.

Andy wrote on March 4, 1998, in the original handwritten journal:

Happy belated birthday my sweet angel. You are and will always be my best friend in this whole wide world. Knowing you has certainly enhanced my life. You have helped mold me into the person I am today. You bring me much laughter and joy and wisdom. I love you more than words on paper could ever express. It’s been a long time since I talked to you or even spoke to you. Several of them knew which way to drown in sorrow, but I lived my life under rocks. Xena said that even though know no one taught her about how to dress. She still plays with butterflies and fireflies in the outback. Stevie has a boxset and Lamaris has a train set and I’m Stevie’s sister-in-law and she doesn’t know anyone named Lisa…

Later…

I asked my parents where they lived before the house they had in Springfield before moving to Longmeadow and if I was an accident due to Tammy being 8 years older. I told her I wouldn’t be hurt or offended since most of us aren’t planned. I guess it really does take years to conceive usually. There are usually at least two years or several more in between siblings. In her reply, in mainly small letters, she wrote:

Married in 1951…1st apartment dad in service…2nd apartment in 1952…built willowbrook 1953…married at 19 and dad 20. Larry born 1954…tam born 1957…you born 1964…accident, I don’t think so or I would have aborted…built Berkeley Dr. while pregnant with you 1964…moved to Birchwood around 1977-8.

Then I reminded her I was born in 1965 and not 1964.

Also, I thought they didn’t legalize abortions/birth control until the 70s. I suppose there were ways around that, though.

Lastly, I thought we moved from Berkeley Dr. to Birchwood Ave. in ‘79 or ‘80, but I guess she’d know better if she said it was ‘77 or ‘78.

Later…

Mama Bitch is pregnant again. God, you’re such a screwball creating all these waste products!!

I hear some banging now that I swore was the freeloaders, but their security light’s not on. So unless the bulb’s burned out, it can’t be them.

Later…

Just a couple more journals, then I’ll be setting up a whole new system on the computer. I don’t know if I’ll bother printing anything out, though. I may do monthly files, I don’t know yet. I’ll probably still use plain, easy-to-read fonts, too. I may use my last journal, 160, which is Winnie the Pooh, for a special project. I thought I’d use that for cover info, dates, entry dates, etc. I still have blank pages in 77. Don’t know what I’ll do with them. Maybe use them for letters, but who knows?

They put Tom on a screwy schedule this week. He didn’t go in till 4 AM this morning, then he got off at 10ish. At 3 PM he left for some class that’s to run till 11:30 which he says is a waste of time. Supposedly, they had a meeting to stop jerking him around with so much overtime, but I still say they’ll keep fucking with his hours, along with God’s help. They got him at an average of 50 or more hours a week. I’ll bet that’s why they offer stock to their employees. Gotta do something to hang onto employees you’re gonna fuck around. I kind of like the space, though, nowadays, but they can really run him ragged and not leave him much time for other things.

I made a comment about us getting together this weekend when it’s safe for a real woman. He claims he was in the mood every day.

Right!

Then he goes on the defensive when confronted with the truth of what he’s really doing, and tries to pin things on me. If I tell him he’s controlling things, he says I’m the one that’s controlling things. Hell, if I told him he had blond hair, he’d say I did. Why’s it gotta be so damn hard for him to use his voice to match his actions and to come out and say, “Jodi, I don’t want a kid. I fear it happening cuz I’m not as convinced as you are that you’re sterile and that’s why I make sure there’s no time during mid-cycle for sex or that I just don’t go in there for the most part.”

Then we could sit down and discuss either birth control, or preferably, avoiding mid-cycle sex. And it’s obvious too, that he’s not just putting off seeing a doctor cuz he doesn’t like seeing doctors like most of us don’t, but to use it to his advantage. I’m sure he hopes that his at least “appearing” afraid of doctors will help to keep me a bit wary of the idea of us seeing a doctor together. Well, he has nothing to worry about.