Still the same weight and size. Just a little longer, then I’m gonna just hang it up. The only way I could lose weight would be to stop eating. Then when I began eating again, the weight wouldn’t keep coming off like when I was 19. It’d come right back on. I’m not gonna live my life like most women do. I can tell you that right now. I’m not gonna live trying to lose weight I could never lose. It’s not natural for your average adult, especially a middle-aged or older one, to be thin.

Bob did get the manila envelope of journal excerpts OK. He hates his cellmate who’s in for child porn (how lovely) and that’s it. Same old from him.

I’m surprised to say that there haven’t been any calls or mail from Tammy. She usually goes right on the defensive when she’s confronted in one way or another with something she doesn’t like. Maybe she’s just embarrassed to be caught lying. Tammy’s always underestimated me in certain ways, so maybe she was shocked and ashamed to be caught on so many lies by her little sister. Of course, some of them are just so obvious from the get-go. I know her style and what she would and wouldn’t lie about or twist around and hype up. I don’t give a shit how much my sister denies wishing she could sing. She does. And she knows I can sing and it makes her jealous, so she figures that it’d make me jealous if she made up some bogus break for Lisa on Broadway (she doesn’t realize I no longer want to sing professionally). Same with Sarah’s hot modeling career. You think she wasn’t jealous that her sister was once a thin model? Think again, cuz she was (although you wouldn’t know it by looking at me now). Well, no one can help her and her jealousy but her, and I’m not about to hold back and watch what I say to someone for fear of making them jealous. We all have our jealousies at times, but people’s lives still have to go on.

I turned down Tom’s offer for sex yesterday. I just don’t want to have sex with this man anymore. Period. But I’ll feel guilty as hell, even if I’m sure he can live without it if I don’t touch him at all. So, I’m gonna do what I can do to avoid mid-cycle sex with him cuz I don’t need his games. As long as he’s not gonna come out and tell the truth, I’m not gonna play games in the meantime. We both don’t want a child, but as long as only one of us can admit that, that’s tough shit.