I made Jen a confirmation card on the computer. I called her too, and she says she doesn’t know much about her confirmation, just that she’s done what she needs to do and is glad it’s over. She didn’t pay attention, she says, but she had to attend classes for two hours every Sunday for a year and do community service. It’s a silly ritual like baptizing and bar mitzvahs, etc.

I called Larry at work, but he was in a meeting.

Tom’s talked with an AC company. They’re gonna come out and give us an estimate tomorrow afternoon.

Last night really sucked. I was depressed, frustrated, and so confused. Once again, I can just accept the fact that I’ll never be thin again, I can go back to smoking, I can take laxatives, or I can stop eating. I know the signs of defeat. I know the patterns and when it’s a no-win situation. This is just like with the woman, the singing, the kid, etc. If I were smart I’d just live life as I normally would and not worry about that or what I eat and not waste my time exercising, cuz these pounds and inches aren’t going nowhere.

Tom suggested I do this half-hour program that’s on Monday - Friday that does high-energy aerobics. He says the exercises I do may shape and tone, but this will make me lose weight and have more energy. Right! Like God’s really gonna let this work for me? I don’t think so! Meanwhile, I’m doing it and giving it my all, just to show him it won’t work for me.

I finally took a shit, so now I can look forward to not doing that again till Thursday or Friday.

Later…

OK, the freeloaders should be tucked in for the night and that should be the last of the door slamming, although it’s still been mild. They’ve slammed doors much more often and much louder in the past than they have been.

The mutually sick Lopezs were a whole different story. Again, thank you God for sterilizing me! Those fucking kids, who usually don’t get on my nerves all that bad being two houses away, were screaming bloody murder, and that, of course, got the dogs going. It was a fucking circus from over there. If only they didn’t get the monkey bars and basketball hoop out back. They never used to play in back. Only up front and you couldn’t really hear them well unless you went outside, and we never sit out front. We use the backyard for whatever. Although, if they hadn’t gotten the hoop, they’d be here using the freeloaders more often.

Later…

And the kids are still screaming their heads off. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think the Ms were back, but then again, those could be heard inside the house. Well, thank God these things can’t be heard in here, and anything’s better than bass.

I could’ve sworn I saw Blackie start to screw White Paws. Why couldn’t they both have been males? Now I’ve got two cats’ worth of litters to relocate.

I’m about a week away from doing these isolation exercises and where have I gone? Up two pounds. I should be really proud of myself. I worked for it, so I earned it.

Later…

God, I’m sick of this unavailable shit! Of course, they don’t leave messages and if you do pick up on one of them, they usually hang up. What was 2-3 unavailables a day has turned into 5-6. What? First God got me back from waking up people with prank calls by taking away my sleep and now he’s bugging me with calls to make up for those that I bugged with calls? Meanwhile, Andy gets to get away with it. He never had to have his sleep stolen and he never gets all these fucking calls. Although some girl that wacko Karson knew was bugging him, and Laura’s druggie friends bug him, too, with their calls.

I also asked my mom if I had false memory syndrome, or did her mother have something to do with ballet? She said yes, she taught ballet and modern dancing for years. That’s so hard to picture. I’ve only known Nana as a big, fat, old woman. You’d never know, knowing her as I did, that she ever danced. And all the while she’d taunt me about my weight. As if she was oh so thin herself. I hated her. I loved her, but I mostly hated her. She’s a major reason for my mother being the way she’s been.

She said Papa Joe was a nice man whom she never heard anyone utter a bad word about. I had asked her to tell me more about my grandparents and great-grandparents. She said she’d discuss this with me in person, cuz I’d have questions. She said dad’s like his dad was. Then what happened to Marty? I guess we really are individuals, cuz my dad and his brother are as opposite as my dad and mom can be. Marty and I may be on stable terms right now, but this guy’s still an asshole in general. He’s insensitive, he’s aggressive, and he’s violent. Philip said he fathered a lot like my mother mothered and I believe him. I’ve seen Marty push him around, I’ve been slapped and threatened by him, so I know how he is. Both my uncles have always been one and the same.

The weather here has been unbelievable. It’s cool and a bit rainy too, which Tom says is unusual for this time of year. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear it was February or March out there and not May.

Ma got her card and reacted as I predicted. She said I was lucky I was not near her! She also said it was a clever idea that she may steal.

I looked up last Memorial Day and there was no freeloader shit. Remember, though, things were a bit different back then, so I’m sure I can count on them rounding up kids to play ball for me for a good 3 hours.

Tom swears they won’t get a dog cuz they’re not allowed to. Well, I hope he’s right, cuz she can’t be that weary of breaking rules. Not with that cock over there. It doesn’t belong and I’m sure high school boy doesn’t either. I don’t know exactly how many sickos are over there, but I’ll bet it’s only supposed to be the bitch and kid.