Had a dream Andy mentioned having psoriasis, and that I was either being kicked off of or denied disability benefits. The guy interviewing me (while Tom sat next to me) was going on and on about shit like how it was hard to get off of disability, but I was the only reason I wasn’t working. Some shit about mistakes made in the womb too, and then about God’s supposed love and understanding for all of us. 

*rolls eyes* The one that’s made sure to have me denied my rightful benefits? Let’s not forget that no one has ever paid for a single thing done wrong to me in life either. 

Tom read that the third leading cause of death in the US is caused by doctors screwing up. This doesn’t help me get over my trust issues where they’re concerned. I guess in CA they want to pass a law requiring them to get tested for drugs and alcohol. Only I don’t think all their errors are from drugs and alcohol, I think it’s also from stupidity and carelessness. 

After a fun, peaceful and relaxing Sunday, I’m hoping to have an anxiety-free day today. A Bob-free day would be nice, too. Really hope I don’t have to listen to him sawing and hammering on and off for hours. I know most people don’t mind, but to me it’s highly annoying. 

Andy's already been woken up by his new neighbors hammering, but as he said, this is to be expected when they’re just getting settled in. It’s in a few months from now I’d worry about. I don’t know why, but even my worst of neighbors have started off quiet. Then it seems they think all hell should break loose after 6 months to a year. 

I’d rather hear them slam vehicle doors next door. That’s annoying too, but it doesn’t go on and on. It’s a weekday, though, so they’ll come and go plenty. Love it when they BOTH go out, even if they’re not usually gone more than an hour or two. Actually, I don’t mind it when Virginia stays back because she’s never noisy. It’s him that’s the problem. Unfortunately, though, most of the time I see the SUV pull out, it’s just her. 

Alison’s going to leave a VM once AT&T (oh, don’t we remember them and their shit well) takes care of her phone issues. She warned me she sounded nasal. So do I. I also sound like a lesbian, LOL. 

Later… 

Got a little cactus plant and another lucky bamboo plant last Sunday. The bamboo is in a gorgeous shiny vase of little silver squares. I almost got a palm, but said nah. Those would be more work than I care to put into plants. We have enough living outdoors as it is. I have 3 fake palms in here anyway. 

It deeply saddens and angers me to learn a British man got just 4 years in prison for killing his friend when I got 6 months’ county time and 2 years of probation for a letter I didn’t write before being vindicated. It may be better than the Middle East and African countries where they’ll kill you just for being gay or just for what you believe, but really… is human life that meaningless to the British? And is what one says (or is at least accused of saying) really that much more important than what they do? 

It also burns me up when blacks and whites alike try to say there’s “no such thing” as blacks discriminating against whites when I’m living proof that that’s utter bullshit. It isn’t just me either. This has been happening since the L.A. Riots, only you never hear about it like you do when blacks get shit on. Or at least claim they do. This is part of why I’m not spending much time on Facebook lately. I’m tired of hearing about only SOME cases as if it’s still the huge problem it was 50 years ago and no one else ever gets shit on. 

Later… 

Ugh, as soon as I saw next door had pulled the SUV out of the garage and a table with a good-sized stereo set up just inside of it, I threw the sound machines on. I know damn well the sawing and hammering are to come next, and if it doesn’t, whatever it is he’s gearing up to do over there can’t be very quiet. I’m really getting sick of this shit. There are only so many weeks of it I can take before the fact that they’ve been here a helluva lot longer stops mattering to me. I have rights, too. Like the right to live in peace, ESPECIALLY in a retirement community. 

Even when he’s not sawing/hammering, the bumps and bangs of his movements are really annoying/distracting and I feel almost like I’m in an apartment. I saw him going to and from the table a little later on, in his signature white T-shirt, as always. Why does he have to do this shit so close to our place? What’s wrong with taking his projects to the other side of his place? I just can’t get a neighbor who either works or is too lazy to do much more than sit inside in front of the TV. I just can’t. 

I realize that if we do go to Florida when he retires, we may as well get a condo or an apartment so we don’t have to be responsible for yard work or roofing or anything like that if we’re going to hear our neighbors anyway. What difference does it make if we can hear their TV vs. their circular saw? Or their vehicle doors slamming vs. their entry doors slamming as they came and went? 

Why can’t I be one of those who thrives on noise? Most people actually don’t mind or even enjoy hearing those around them, so why can’t I? Why can’t I consider it the “sounds of life,” too? So many people love to hear their neighbors because it makes them feel less alone in the world. I wish I could see it that way too, but if I did then I suppose I would only hate the nighttime and those few days when someone around here isn’t doing something or another I have to hear about. 

Later… 

So I was chatting with Andy on Ask as we do every day and mentioned that giving up my weekend treats would be like giving up a dear friend. How many of those do I have? he asked. LOL, I think he forgets that just because most of those I’m closest to aren’t local doesn’t make them any less special to me. I will admit, though, that most of those I’m close to who aren’t family are people I’ve never met. This is mostly because it’s so much easier to meet people online than in person. How many places do I go in person vs. websites online? Since most of the sites I frequent are social/writing sites, that makes it even easier to strike up a conversation with someone about whatever, realize you have things in common, then end up cyber buddies. 

Although I never met Aly, Christine, Nane, Adonis, Mitch and some folks from the writing sites, they’re still special to me just like Andy, Paula, Jessie, my VH sisters, Eileen, and a few others I haven’t seen in centuries that I knew back east. 

The one person I kept in touch with from Arizona blew it with her trust issues. While I totally understood why she had such serious trust issues since her life was a million times worse than mine, she’s the type that thinks everybody’s lying, and well, understanding something doesn’t always make it easier to deal with. The false accusations were driving me crazy, not to mention how highly offensive they were, and she eventually lost me when I got tired of defending and explaining myself to her. 

As for Oregon… I wasn’t there long enough to really get to know anyone, though there were two women and one guy I’d consider “almost” friends. One I can’t find on Facebook, the other two I never knew their last names, unfortunately, because I’d love to look them up. I was heavy into sweeping (and winning) in those days, so I spent half my time entering sweeps and the other half freezing my ass off, haha. But Jane the waitress, Liz the cashier, and Randy the mailman were the highlights of Oregon. So was Jan the gift shop owner that used to sell me incense till she traded brick and mortar for cyberspace. 

Our first 8 months in Cali were spent in an extended-stay hotel and while we became friends with the staff there, that didn’t carry over into our post-hotel stay. It wasn’t easy to meet people during the 5 years we lived in the woods either, though we’ve met some people since being here in the park that I either wave to or briefly chat with when I’m out exercising. No one we’ve grown close to yet with our busy lives, but friends are both important and not important to me. Meaning that if we acquire any good ones, fine. If we don’t, that’s fine, too. I believe most of the best things in life aren’t planned and I think that looking for friends doesn’t usually work any more than looking for love does. 

I don’t want friends just for the sake of having friends. I want special friends, and no, that doesn’t mean you have to be a hottie. I mean friends who are very important to me and that I’d find hard to imagine not having in my life, no matter what they may look like. Anyone can go out and “make” friends. But in order to qualify for a chance to be my friend, no matter where you live, you gotta really have something about you that hooks my interest because I am that picky. I’m hard to impress. Easy to lose, since I tend not to be a very forgiving person or one with a high tolerance to bullshit any more than to physical pain, but I’m hard to capture as well. I’ll be friends with any gender, size, color or nationality, but not just any person. If I’m meant to be close to anyone local, it will be by accident and not something I plan. I never “looked” for my past friends, be it those I’ve met in person or online, so why start now? 

For a work-at-home person who likes to keep busy, I don’t interact with many people and that, like most things, has its pros cuz it spares me from any potential bullshit. But again, my door isn’t closed to the possibility, so we’ll see what the future holds. In a way, I’m surprised I never struck up a friendship with someone in cyberspace from my area. Cali’s a big state and it sure as hell is plenty populated, too. Still, you better have something damn near amazing about you to stand a chance or else you could live right under my nose in Bob’s garage for all I care. :) 

Later… 

Speaking of friends I’m close to as mentioned in my previous entry, I can’t believe I’ll be seeing Andy in less than two months! :))) We’ll be heavier, blinder, older and grayer, but I don’t give a shit. I just want to throw my arms around him and hug the guy for the first time since 1999! 

In one of the surveys I did, I was asked if I thought those who committed 3 felonies should be imprisoned for life regardless of what the felonies were. 

Definitely not. First of all. some states like Arizona and Texas consider damn near everything a felony. Secondly, I think only violent people should be jailed/imprisoned and the rest should do probation. People stand to lose too much when put in jail… jobs, kids, homes. Probation is punishment enough for the non-violent offenders, and hardcore punishment has only proven not to be a very effective deterrent anyway. People are going to break the law no matter what the penalties may be because they don’t “plan” to get caught. 

I think rapists, however, should be jailed for life after the first offense. You can’t rehabilitate a rapist. I also think violence should be jailed for life after one offense, too. I don’t mean a slap in the face; I mean someone who’s drawn blood, broken bones, etc. So… throw the violent folks away for life after just one – maybe two – offenses, and let the rest do probation. 

I kept waiting for one of my nails to break at which time I would have cut the rest of them, but they just didn’t want to break. Finally fed up with them getting in the way of things, I cut them off yesterday morning.