Looks like I just might’ve made a major breakthrough in what’s been making my heart race its ass off. I ate a protein bar and then took my chewable kiddy vitamin along with my vitamin D gel pill. As I was swallowing the pill I got one of those bad feelings we psychics get that we always try to ignore and convince ourselves is just us being “silly.” 

I was cooking my mini pizza and all was fine 15 minutes later save for a bout of the partial runs, as I call it. A half-hour later things were still fine. Then I was just finishing up my shower and rinsing the water out of my not-so-long hair. When it’s soaking wet and all the curls are pulled straight it’s maybe a third of the way down my back right now. As I was turning the knobs to stop the water was when I realized my heart was booming again. Breathing deeply and trying to keep calm I grabbed my phone and called Tom while lying on the bed. Mostly thanks to being able to reach him right away and it not occurring several minutes before I could get home like two days ago on the bike, it slowed down pretty fast. Yesterday I took nothing at all. I admit I questioned the vitamin D, but then said, nah. 

I took a chill pill cuz my pulse was starting to come back up, had two more bouts of partial runs, and then, as self-pitying as it may seem, I broke down in tears of frustration for a few minutes. I couldn’t help but ask WHY? And HOW do I fix this? Nothing I come up with makes sense. I agree with Tom that it’s not likely to be my heart because I have none of the classic symptoms. No chest, neck or arm pain. 

Although the symptoms scream “anxiety,” even though I had no feelings of suffocation, throat lumps or symptoms other than a racy heart and upset stomach, why would I suddenly develop such a severe anxiety disorder despite being naturally anxious in the past? When did it ever terrify me so much that I had to run and call Tom about it? So once again, even if it seems a bit extreme for me, I wondered if the doc was right and if maybe I’ve got severe anxiety and need a shrink. The only thing I’m sure of is that if my only choices are these beat-outs or doping myself up, I’ll take the dope. It’s terrifying. Just because it’s not life-threatening doesn’t make it any less scary. That big old spider on the wall isn’t life-threatening either, but he’s still terrifying, just in a different kind of way. 

It being my thyroid also makes no sense cuz why now? I’ve had a bum thyroid for years, so why now? I need to find out what this is and get it dealt with, I said to myself, so yes, I’m going to mention it to the new doc next month. I’m literally living in fear now and it’s no way to live. When something’s not actually happening, I’m scared that it will. My sense of peace and security is gone, and every time I think I’m good as new again, my worst fears are realized and confirmed once again. 

And then… even though I promised Tom I wouldn’t research medical stuff so I don’t get freaked out or confused by what I may find… I googled “can vitamin d make your heart race.” 

I sat back in my chair, stared at the page and muttered OMG. Just OMFG. I didn’t even have to click on any links, as I told him when I told him what to Google. Why wasn’t I warned of this possibility, damn it?! I’m tired of having to learn things the hard way and figure things out on my own. Don’t get me wrong, though. The levothyroxine was still a problem, but the D’s were clearly making it worse. I think they all fed off of each other and it was like throwing fuel on a fire. 

It's like going to doctors has made me WORSE instead of better, and that story this girl told me where miscommunication between her doctor and pharmacist caused her to double dose her own thyroid meds doesn't exactly calm my fears and restore my faith in doctors. There are SO many quacks in the world of doctors these days! Forget about just the cops and the government. But this must be dealt with. I can't just sit back and do nothing at all as much as I’d like to. If doctors aren’t going to take responsibility and warn us up front of possible side effects then we need to do our own research. If just one or two people have complaints, I wouldn’t put much stock in it, but when you have dozens of people saying the same thing, well, that should pretty much tell you something. I also wonder why there are no warnings on the vitamin bottle. 

Lotta things are starting to make sense now that I think of this vitamin D shit, which has been slammed - not placed - in the trash. The way being in the sun too long can make your heart beat too fast is one of them. I did take it not too long before hitting my bike the other day too, and like I said, anxiety alone or overdoing my workout just didn’t seem likely, though I’m not ready to rule that out completely. But other things do add up now. It would explain why my heart wouldn’t always race right after taking the levothyroxine, but later on in the day after taking a D. In Wednesday’s case as well as today’s, though, I’d say it definitely wasn’t anxiety that got my heart racing, but the vitamin D that got it racing which in turn caused me to feel anxious. Again, I didn’t have such “heart attacks” to this degree when my life was a mess, so why would I suddenly be hit with such intense and extreme fits of pure anxiety when life is better? I was in a fine mood, the weather was gorgeous, I wasn’t overdoing my workout, etc. 

Now, unless I start getting these heart racers with absolutely nothing at all, I’m afraid to take anything at all! :( It seems I just can’t take anything without side effects. I would get a racy heart at times in my 20s and I wonder just how much of it was anxiety vs. the side effects from the asthma medication I used to take. It’s just that it wasn’t so damn terrifying then, nor did it usually go beyond just a racy heart. I think the levothyroxine and the D’s were responsible for the racing heart, though the levothyroxine was mostly responsible for the negative emotions, the upset stomach and other anxiety symptoms like the throat lump. It’s like the drugs took what was always a case of borderline but manageable anxiety and turned it into the anxiety from hell. Give a plant some water and it will grow. 

I’m afraid to even eat just yet but I have 30 extra pounds of fat my body can feed off of, so I’m not going to starve. I did make some tea, though. I figured that’d be good for starters till I let a few more hours pass by after taking the vitamin. It’s kinda ridiculous, when you think about it, to give me 250% of vitamin D when I get 100% (and they knew this) from the chewable ones, and am spending more time in the sun. In fact, if I’ve read the labels right, they had me on a total of 400%. Who the hell needs 400%?! Were they trying to kill me? 

It’s just nice to know God may not have stolen my joy of bike riding after all if it was the vitamin D causing the racers and not me overdoing it. I just worry something up there is out to slowly torture me to death! Really, I miss the old healthy me! I’d get things that were annoying, but familiar. Frustrating but not terrifying. Now I feel all these things I never felt before and some of which I have, but even those things are scary, too.