There are only two subjects I agree with Trump on and that’s his stance on Muslims and his frustration with the complications immigration brings, especially when you get thousands of illegals at once trying to storm the border. I don’t think we should completely close our doors to immigration but we definitely need to cut back big-time. We’re way overcrowded here and having so many people flock to the US only burdens our resources even more and raises our crime rates. Some people may come over here with perfectly good intentions but not everyone in those migrant caravans is innocent victims fleeing violence. They’re criminals looking for a free ride in life which our tax dollars would have to pay for so they can sit on welfare or be housed in jail when they commit crimes. We don’t need to spend more money on them when we have enough people in need right here. We don’t need them taking our jobs. We don’t need them causing us to have to wait longer to see doctors. No, we have our own homegrown problems right here. I’m tired of the US being the go-to country for other people’s problems. Why should we be obligated to pick up the pieces every fucking time people can’t get along in their own countries? I totally support the way they’re being tear-gassed and if it were up to me they would get something worse than tear gas fired at them!

This park would be a lot quieter if it would just do away with trees that lose leaves and make a mess everywhere. When my schedule and the weather permits, I like to get out and walk in the sun so that when I’m in the sun when out for appointments or at stores it isn’t so blinding. I know it isn’t any better to get too little sun than it is to get too much. But after hearing ferociously loud blowers in four different sections of my walking route, I was reminded of why daytime walking is anything but peaceful. I don’t understand why people want trees that lose leaves and make such a fucking mess, not to mention so much extra work for those that have to pick up that mess.

Got a message from Dr. O saying she doesn’t think my anxiety is caused by thyroid, see my PCP to treat the anxiety, and she recommends that I keep our appointment and return to 75s as while that dose doesn’t normalize my lab numbers, it gets me close enough.

If I could have treated the anxiety I would have done it years ago, and I told her this. I told her that the Benzos stopped working and the SSRIs make me suicidal. Really have a feeling that if I was meant to treat it, I would have found what works by now. But at this point, I totally believe that I’m never going to find that magic pill I can take that will kill my anxiety when it starts just like I can kill a headache by swallowing a couple of ibuprofen. Some things just aren’t meant to be and I suppose I should quit trying to fight fate, accept it for what it is, hope it goes away someday on its own, and enjoy the calm days when I have them.

This is just ridiculous, though. Just fucking ridiculous. I shouldn’t have to suffer like this. I should know what’s causing the anxiety for sure and I should know what to do about it, whether the problem is mine for life or just until I get to be postmenopausal. I should have my life back. I should have myself back and not just some of the time. Myself as I’ve always known myself to be. Why is that so much to ask for? My worst problem in life should be noise, schedule and sleep issues, skin issues, TMJ issues, being unable to lose weight, and occasional boredom that comes with doing the same things every single day. Well, almost every single day anyway.

So much for “acceptance.”

She said she’s having her nurse call but if I don’t hear from her soon, I’ll call her myself. I still want to ask if the two different thyroid medications can be taken together. Just curious as to how much time and money I’ve actually wasted on the Levo/Lio experiment.

Watched the landing of InSight on Mars. Exciting! I love science/space stuff. I’m all for educational experiments but not for trying to seek intelligent alien life. We just can never know how they may react to our presence. There are no guarantees they would be friendly. They could invade the planet and kill us all for all we know.