The garbage and green waste trucks have been annoying for the last few hours. I miss the days when they just came through, dumped shit, and then were gone. I wasn’t kidding when I said that almost none of the issues I have to deal with here were issues elsewhere. The only thing I don’t get here that I had elsewhere is barking and screaming kids.

Another thing I really miss is the days when I didn’t notice traffic. Other than car stereos, the horn honking they love to do in the east, and a few that would gun engines or idle loudly, I never used to notice traffic itself because there just weren’t so damn many loud vehicles on the road. None of the states I’ve lived in before had constant motorcycles roaring around everywhere. I’m kind of surprised they weren’t a regular problem in Arizona. I could see where they wouldn’t want to be out in the blazing heat but I would think that from November to April they would be.

I took a walk down to the clubhouse, peered through the doors, and saw rows of tables with wreaths on them. I also saw Carolyn. Being one to steer clear of religious-related activities (figured it had to do with Christmas), I turned and headed back home. Made a bit of a detour along the way so I was out there at least 15 minutes. I’ll do more exercise later on the treadmill.

Speaking of Jon and Carolyn, I’m glad the project junkies have finished their latest project which included some annoying circular saws. I hear enough shit around here as it is. Can’t wait to see if she cares enough to wish me a happy birthday on Facebook next week but I would be willing to bet she won’t and neither will Kim B, Eileen or some of the PBers I haven’t heard from. But after my birthday I will decide which Facebook deadbeats should go. I wanted to give them one last chance to do a little more than just sit on my friend list.

I’m not stupid, though, I know she and Jon haven’t interacted with me because they’ve gotten oh paranoid about being more private. It’s because I’m too liberal for them and I complain too much about the park. I realize that most people aren’t bothered by noise. Would the world be so noisy in the first place if they were? But Carolyn did say she uses Facebook to check for birthdays and see what her family posts, so she should get my birthday notification as well. We’ll see. Maybe she’ll surprise me.

While I certainly don’t regret rekindling our friendships, I’m not sure who drives me crazier at times, Kim or Aly. With Kim, I get the same old shit over and over again but only once or twice a day. Aly is literally addicted to texting. She does it everywhere and I mean everywhere. She went to the hospital to pick up her dad but he’s too out of it to be released and what is she doing? Texting to tell me about it.

I don’t know why but I was given $3 of Kindle credit and decided to buy a few suspense books. I’m not liking one of them but the second of three books that I got is good so far.

I managed to lower the amount of spam hitting my Gmail account but my Hotmail account is still pretty overrun with the shit. I don’t know if my email address was sold or shared by someone where I signed up someplace or if some very sorry, lonely and bored soul with nothing better to do has been sitting around signing me up for all kinds of shit. Kim doesn’t have either email address so if it’s a person “pranking” me, it isn’t her. I don’t think it’s any one individual. I think it’s just companies that gave my email address out. Just because they say they won’t doesn’t mean they really won’t.

Although I doubt it will do me any good since nothing has helped yet, I’m going to add a couple of cups of green tea to my diet to see if that really does help speed up my metabolism like I hear it does. My body simply will not respond to diet and exercise and I worry that I’m going to eventually end up gaining an astronomical and debilitating amount of weight with absolutely nothing I can do about it. It would really be nice if the food reminders weren’t every fucking place I go. Listening to a book, the characters are eating dinner. Going on Facebook, someone’s sharing a pic of a restaurant meal. Going on Ask, someone’s asking what my favorite dessert is. Going on Twitter, a meal kit service is promoted on the feed. Reading a friend on PB, they’re tossing up ideas for what to cook for dinner.

Woke up at midnight two nights ago with hip pain and had to take Ibuprofen. I slept fine after that and woke up pain-free. But then at the end of the day, which was yesterday, I had to take Ibuprofen. They were a little achy when I got up today and I thought I was going to have to take some but haven’t yet. Was beginning to think it was a muscle, tendon or ligament injury due to trying to plank this heavy old body but the pain is equal on both sides with only a little bit more on the left. While it still doesn’t seem likely that it would be arthritis of any kind, I suppose anything is possible. I’ll just have to see how much longer it goes on. Maybe it was the weather but if it was then that would mean it’s arthritis. We’re supposed to get one full week of rain next week but there’s no way it’s going to rain every day for a whole week here.

I need a new hobby. One that excites me to wake up every day and know it’s there waiting for me. Something I’m not going to get bored with after a while. Something different. But what???

My heart truly breaks for those fleeing violence in other countries. Really, if you’re an innocent victim and not just making up stories to get what you want at the taxpayers’ expense, I really do sincerely feel sorry for you. I can’t imagine being in such a shitty situation. However, I still don’t think it should be our responsibility to support the thousands of Syrian and Honduran refugees when we have too many people in need right here. Sorry, but I just can’t let political correctness blind me to the facts and statistics simply because society says that’s the correct thing to do. Incredibly large numbers of people coming here take jobs away from those that are from here and raise crime rates. This country is so in debt and we have enough of our own homegrown problems. Do you know how infuriating it is to know that those storming the borders have done so deliberately so that they can get free shelter, food and medical when they get arrested? Meanwhile, we have to pay thousands for our medical needs! :-(

Having some burning down there that’s consistent with the type of burning I get when I’m not treating myself. Has the Tacrolimus stopped working? Am I using too much of it? Not enough? Well, I’m certainly never going to go into any remission, that’s for sure.

Now on with what were mostly some pretty shitty dreams last night. Yes, I’m definitely back to remembering dreams in vivid detail. First, I went to see Stacey and the whole place looked different. There was a couch in the waiting area but most of it extended down this narrow hallway and I thought that they would probably move it soon so people could get through easier.

Then Tom stepped out of a room he had stopped in and told me to go down the hall to whatever room was empty and that one of the therapists would see me soon.

“I want Stacey,” I said as I stood up. “Tell them I want Stacey.”

So I began walking down the L-shaped corridor and passed a couple of rooms with open doors in which a counselor sat talking to a client. One of them was Stacey who was going over some papers with one of her clients.

I continued walking onward and then I fell asleep on another couch as I waited for Stacey.

Then I had some weird dream where a few characters in one of my books were investigating my death. One of them was supposed to be taking pictures of my murder scene, I guess, but she couldn’t do it. So another one said they both should take pics so they could have a backup copy of the images. The one that said this told a third character who entered the room. She was surprised and upset but talked about being somewhere she needed to be.

Next, I was at the clubhouse which looked different and was talking to an old lady about doing her hair. Then a younger woman, which I guessed to be her daughter, said I looked familiar. I said she looked familiar as well and figured we must have seen each other around. Then we started talking about what we liked and didn’t like about the place and I said I found it noisier than I’d like.

The last dream was the scariest. I was watching a boy that was somewhere between 8-10 years old. It seemed like we lived in an apartment building. That night I fell asleep in their spare bed when the mother came home and woke me up in a rage. She showed me the boy’s back. I blinked the sleep out of my eyes to see clearer. It was filled with text with the area in the small of his back being larger. She was convinced that I was responsible for causing this mysterious writing to form on his back because I somehow abused him.

I thought to myself that yes, I might have caused it by nudging him ahead of me a little too hard. She stormed out of the room with him to call the police, or so I thought, and left me praying to a God I wasn’t sure existed or that was in the habit of answering my prayers if He did. I begged him to please protect me and promised that I would never “abuse” another child ever again.

Despite being extremely stressed, I fell back asleep. Rough movements next to me soon woke me up again and I knew I couldn’t pretend not to have felt anything. The mother said something inaudible. I asked her to repeat herself and she still didn’t make any sense.

“Say that one more time,” I said as I rolled onto my back.

She mumbled something unintelligible and then loud and clear she said, “Meanwhile, I don’t ever want to see your fucking face again,” and then picked up a pillow and proceeded to smother me with it. The dream ended with me about to fight for my life, amazed that she didn’t call the cops and wondering if Tom would ever find out what happened to me and if she would ever be caught.