So now my curiosity is settled and Tammy has once again proven to be the liar that she can be. Fucking bitch!

Norma said she’s in a great deal of pain and on a lot of pain meds. The surgical treatment they did for the pain has not worked and has caused more pain, so she’s hoping to get an epidural. Although I don’t doubt for a minute that she’s suffering that’s no reason to lie to someone about dying just because you’re pissed or you feel you’re not getting the kind of attention you want. Maybe some of her meds are messing with her mind but I still don’t like being bullshitted, and those who are a part of my life better ask themselves just how much I mean to them because from now on if I catch anyone lying to me, we’re done. Period. No and’s, if’s, buts, questions or forgiveness from me. I’m just gone. Poof!

She’s already had unsuccessful surgery for trying to ease the pain where they cut nerves. If it didn’t work before why would it work now? Nothing was said about sarcoidosis either but how fucking low can you go than to tell someone you’re dying even if you don’t do it bluntly. So I have seriously mixed emotions about this one. I’m sorry she’s in pain but there’s no excuse for lying to me. I can see where she may think she’s dying at times. I sure thought I was going to die a few times.

Back on with my life now and just worrying about myself. I have enough to deal with anyway. I may not be as unhealthy and I may not be the perfect person but I don’t go around hinting at being terminally ill either. No excuse for that. Just no excuse. No wonder her kids are nothing but narcissistic, emotional, bullshitting bitches. And fuck biology! You don’t get a pass for lying to me or treating me poorly in any way simply because we’re related.

The fucking early-morning commercial plane craze is driving me nuts! Not as bad as the street games but it’s still pretty annoying. Asked the Twenties a few days ago if they knew anything about it. Carolyn saw the message but never replied. Kinda rude if you ask me.

I had Marie do a sound check on Bubbly. She confirmed what I suspected; the ‘listen’ counter isn’t working. Maybe she’s a hider?

Had very mild traces of anxiety yesterday but earlier I was worse. I was sure I’d get even worse and that the waterworks and suicidal thoughts would follow. However, after chatting briefly with Tom, Aly, tapping and walking, my calm returned. What was amazing was that the anxiety turned off like a switch. Usually, it doesn’t come and go like the flick of a switch. It gradually builds up and gradually tapers off. But this time it simply stopped.

I’ve had 7 anxious days since Dr. O (so nearly half the time). Think I might need to quit meds for 6 months or so. May be the only way to rule them out if they’re not connected to the particular feeling I’ve had since 12/10/16.

I talked with Jessie this morning. Yes, it was me who initiated the chat. Would still like it if someone from my past or that I haven’t talked to in a while would reach out to me for once instead of the other way around, but I guess that’s just not the way it was meant to be. Jessie said she also takes Levothyroxine and is still in Springfield. She’s asked where we think we’ll end up in Florida because they’re planning to move there too. As I told her, we don’t know where yet. We may not even stay in this country.

Yoga Girl came yesterday and she’s a very realistic and lovely collectible.

My first attempt at making bath bombs was a bit of a bust because even though I measured precisely there wasn’t quite enough mixture to fill the mold so I ended up with two uneven halves of a bath bomb instead of a whole bath bomb, but it definitely fizzed in the tub. Not much of a bath person anyway so that’s okay.

The loud “utility” vehicle is actually one of those mini-busses that picks up older and or disabled people. The word Pride was written on it. So now they’re even making vehicles like that loud? I still don’t get it. If vehicles like that are so loud these days, I’m wondering if it’s become mandatory for some crazy reason. Does that mean our next car is going to sound almost like a semi? Just not understanding why we would make things louder when we have the technology to keep them at the volume our current car is. Ours is reasonable enough. People can hear them approaching on the streets but not indoors.

Not getting why I sometimes have to sleep so damn long. Last night I slept for a whopping 11 hours. Woke up a handful of times along the way, of course. Today I wouldn’t be surprised if I was up for 18 hours and only slept for 6.

Had yet another dream that I was in this strange jail. I don’t know what I was in for but I knew I was in for 4 months and would get out in March. I thought I should have Tom tell Bob and Virginia I was off visiting family, knowing they would be wondering where I was.

Instead of being in cells, we were sharing these rooms that had 2 regular beds in them that seemed like wide twin beds. There were 2 of us per bed. LOL

The staff members didn’t wear uniforms. Not sure if the inmates did but somehow I was able to tell who was a guard and who was an inmate. Not a single guard was attractive either. They mostly seemed to be older plump blondes with unkempt hair.

One of the guards confronted me about the way I seemed to be having sleep issues. I guess I was trying to shut myself in the room (there were 2 doors) and sleep when no one else was in it which probably meant I wasn’t working when I might’ve been mandated to be.

I told the guard, “I know it sounds crazy but you just clear your throat and I wake up, that’s how light of a sleeper I am.”

I went to bed that night really exhausted and woke up in the morning surprised to find someone sleeping beside me.

I said, “Wow. You slipped in next to me and I never woke up?”

The inmate nodded.

In another part of the dream, I was walking around the jail when I looked over a balcony of some kind and down into an inflated room. It was like the floor and walls were made of a plastic blow-up material. LOL.

Some girl was lying on her back, looked up at me and said, “Hi, Jodi. How are you doing?”

I told her I was hanging in there and then I was outside carrying a small square white pillow with me as a vehicle full of older men with scraggly beards maneuvered around me so they could park nearby.