Yep, Aly is a hider. Figured as much. I just don’t know if she’s an intentional hider or if her browser is automatically hiding her and she doesn’t realize it. Regardless, she said she got my email and has questions about it, which she’ll ask tomorrow. She’s recovering from a cold now.

Not sharing this entry with anyone because it’s going to be pretty down and negative. I’m definitely, definitely keeping my main PB account strictly for generic events only. No longer will I discuss my health because I don’t want people giving me suggestions that I may be tempted to waste my time trying. I appreciate their suggestions and advice but it hasn’t done me any good yet. The magnesium hasn’t helped, the Liothyronine was a bust, and I’m sure the ACV shots will prove to be just as worthless come December.

There are other reasons for keeping certain subjects private as well. When it comes time to sell the house, for example, I don’t want potential buyers looking me up and reading how noisy it is here.

Okay, here’s my private health update. Yesterday my anxiety increased in intensity and it started to get a bit scary. No booming heart but tons of adrenaline stabbing me in the chest. I was totally miserable and it was absolutely horrible. I was anxious, I was depressed, and I was suicidal. I literally would have killed myself if it were as simple as snapping my fingers.

So finally I messaged Dr. O and told her what was going on and that I want to drop back to 50 mcg of the original drug and leave it at that for at least 6 months. I said I understand the medication may not be the only culprit and that my hormones may still be unsettled but I’ve had enough of the on-and-off suffering for over 4 years now. I gave her all the dates in which I’ve been keeping track of…when I started the Liothyronine, the 10 days I felt good, when the anxiety began.

Thanks to Aly telling me she could tell when her hematologist picked up her message, I remembered to check and when I got up tonight I found that the message had gone from unopened to reviewed even though I haven’t gotten any calls or messages.

Depending on how I do throughout the night after skipping everything (been up 8 hours and feel fine so far), I may message her again and let her know that I’ve definitely had enough and have definitely made up my mind about scaling back to 50s for a while and that I’ll have my PCP look into hormone replacement therapy for me if the anxiety does continue or see if anything else could be wrong with me. I’ll also tell her that I’ll be happy to go to the lab as planned next month and see my PCP but wonder if there really is anything more she could do for me at the moment and so I don’t see the point in keeping our December appointment. I’ll tell her I appreciate her trying me on Liothyronine and won’t cancel our appointment until I hear back from her but at this point, I just don’t see what more she can really do for me.

No more motorcycles in the middle of the night since I last bitched about it but I don’t think whoever it is lives here either. It’s a hell of an odd time to be visiting so I’m guessing they might sleep during the day, work 2nd shift, and then visit late at night. I think if they lived here I would hear the fucking thing multiple times a day.

I’m kind of on a nut diet of sorts. Since nuts are healthy and rich in protein, which helps curb hunger, I’m snacking on those as opposed to sugary treats. Yesterday I had a meal at the beginning of my day, snacked on nuts all day, then at the end of the day, I realized I wasn’t hungry for the second meal I planned to have. I did, however, make and finish the rest of my chicken wings before they could go bad, and also treated myself to some candy when we ran out to Walgreens to get more nuts as I was already anxious anyway. Yet I still woke up down a pound.