Another day of having to cram reality down my throat and remind myself that things could be worse. We really can eventually turn this house into a home. We’ve got a good neighbor next to us that could live as long as we do. And besides, who knows? Maybe one of us would have been eaten by a gator had we gone to Florida. Or maybe we would have lost the place in a hurricane. It sucks but hey, we win some and we lose some in life and I really think I can adapt and be happy with what’s meant to be if I just apply myself better.

Looks like I’m going to have to do just that with medication brands as well and settle for whatever. Knew this day would come too. Why is it that only my bad vibes are the ones that are allowed to come true? I knew we would still be here when Bob and Virginia passed, and we are. I knew we would be faced with all kinds of obstacles trying to get out of here, and we are. In a way, I’m almost surprised that the cork that flew out of the champagne bottle didn’t smash my face in because that would certainly add delays if it took an eye out or something. Again, why struggle for what isn’t meant to be when you can just make the best out of what you’ve got?

I don’t know, though, maybe the anxiety I experienced when taking a couple of other brands really was a coincidence. After all, I had kick-ass anxiety for two months in a row and that was on my usual brand. We asked the pharmacist at Rite Aid when we went to pick up his BP med if they’d ever heard of anyone mentioning any particular brands making them more or less anxious, and they said the only thing they heard is some people prefer the name-brand of Synthroid.

Why would they lie? They don’t have anything to lose in the way they might if they were doctors rather than pharmacists. Tom found that on Amazon’s pharmacy, the name brand may actually be cheaper than generics.

So yesterday I began to feel a bit wired and my heart was racy. I decided that I would skip the medication today but then I remembered the candy bar I splurged on yesterday. I really do believe sugar could be a culprit as much as Tom thinks the anxiety spells I had on the off-brands were a coincidence. Took my med today and so far so good. It’s a little too early in my day, however, to say for sure that I’ll remain calm all day.

Meanwhile, I finally told my story to Gennev, the menopause experts, and while I asked their opinion on things, I told them they could share the story with anyone they want. I’m sure they’ll want to sell me something while they’re at it. They have their own team of doctors and holistic formulas for different stages of menopause, depending on what your symptoms are. I don’t think there are many if any, symptoms I haven’t experienced. It’s just that some last longer than others. Or you learn to live with them and don’t really care. The ones that are noticeable and bothersome are the hot flashes and definitely the anxiety. Everything else has just sort of faded into the background if it hasn’t stopped completely.

I didn’t get any sweet treats at the store but I did get some wine. Going to make sure I don’t have it until the end of my day in case that too has a hand in making me anxious as I read it could. I would rather it interfere with my sleep than make me anxious.

Tom said there were a few cars along with Nancy’s next door and he saw someone bring something inside the house before I got up. I’m glad they didn’t wake me up but I really hope she’s not a company junkie to make up for the lack of other things I may not get from her.

We got new Sonic toothbrushes since ours were getting kind of old, and stuck here or not, the weather has been gorgeous. Warm and dry. This would be the perfect time of year for open windows and an evaporative cooler but even if this place had an evaporative cooler, it’s way too noisy here. I could barely stand to leave the windows open during parts of the daytime, let alone while I was sleeping, whenever that was. We’re having another windy day which means everything is louder. The freeway is roaring and the planes are amplified as well.

Last night I dreamed that outside the room of either an apartment or a hotel I was staying in, was some kind of animal akin to a bull although that’s not what it was. I really don’t know what it was but a part of me was tempted to piss it off just to see how it would react until I thought better of it knowing it could take its horns and plow right through my door if it wanted to.

The last two dreams I had were shitty. In one of them, I was wanted for something. I somehow met up with a group of about twenty others who were also wanted for various things. The plan was for all of us to escape to Mexico. I was all for it at first and then I realized that I didn’t see how 20+ people could sneak into Mexico unseen. Deciding I could get in more trouble if I was caught with a bunch of criminals trying to enter a country illegally than if I turned myself in or got caught by myself, I gathered my things and quietly slipped free of the group. I was a little nervous about it because I worried there were a few people who feared I would turn them in.

The last dream was the worst. Aly and I met at a hotel to vacation together somewhere. I was in the room by myself for a while wondering where she could be. I was growing concerned as it began to get late and was contemplating contacting her mother to see if she’d heard from her. But then Aly came in all pissed off. She began angrily throwing her stuff in her suitcase and I asked what was wrong.

She said she learned from other guests that I secretly hated her. Her eyes looked a little funny as she yelled at me, too. They were small and more triangular in shape instead of the usual ovalish shape people have.

I insisted that it wasn’t true and that I would tell her directly if I had a problem with her. But she refused to believe me and left me alone in the room to figure out how to get to the airport and all that on my own.