Fuck. Just fuck. The toe next to my left big toe looks like it may have Melanoma based on the thin dark streak running from the cuticle to the tip. God, I hope not! Hopefully, it’s just the fungus I’ve had for some time and the ridges I also have are simply making it look like Melanoma.

So I ran around to my bathroom to inspect my toe as soon as I hopped out of the shower this morning to inspect it with my glasses and my first thought was definitely Melanoma. But then when I looked at it in the kitchen through the magnifier, I was not sure. There is a possibility that the fungus that’s wedged underneath that particular ridge just happened to darken as weird as that may sound.

Read that the average person waits 2.2 years upon noticing it to get a diagnosis. If it really is Melanoma, the skinny dark line will fatten. But I should have time to get out of here first. Also, if it is, there’s a good chance they’ll have to remove the nail entirely. ☹ From what I understand that’s where it starts. Melanoma is considered an aggressive form of skin cancer even if it’s in your nails, and I read that if you’ve had actinic keratosis as I had, you’re more likely to have other forms of skin cancer.

Wish I could remember the last time I polished those nails! It likely formed within the last four to six weeks if it’s Melanoma. If it is, there’s a part of me that’s tempted to do nothing at all and leave it to fate but I don’t think it’s something that resolves on its own. Unless I’m reading wrong, it will eventually spread and kill you.

My opinion alone isn’t enough. I still want his on Monday which is what he says we should wait for. If it’s serious we could use it as a convenient way out for me although I might not have time to do all the things I want to do in Florida first. But then I wouldn’t have to kill myself later on if he died first. The only problem is that he would be looking at many years alone and we wouldn’t want that either. So I guess we just hope it’s nothing. This isn’t the time to be dealing with this shit when we have enough on our plate right now continuing to prep the house and then get the hell out of here.