If we had a house this big, though I simply can’t see us in a place this big when we move, I wouldn’t need a treadmill as long as we kept it sparsely furnished or at least set up in a way that allowed me a clear running track. I’ve been doing three 5-minute walking bursts alternated between three 5-minute jogging bursts.

I asked Andy and Kim their opinion on the matter. I don’t know why I’m so curious but that’s just how I naturally am.

Kim is kind of annoying me. Yesterday I asked if she got my envelope and she said she thinks so but spent the day busily preparing for shoulder surgery next Tuesday and had woken up to the sound of birds. She said she was going to go back to sleep for another hour and would look later but I never heard back from her. Meanwhile, she’s been online a few times yet hasn’t confirmed that she got it. Hate that shit. I used to get that from Paula where I would send a package and wouldn’t hear anything about it for weeks, sometimes even months.

I was totally horrified and discouraged to read that symptoms can continue for an average of 7.4 years after a woman’s last period, including mood changes. Seven-point-fucking-four years?!?!?! You mean I could be just barely past the halfway point of this shit?! There’s no fucking way I can stand another 6 years of this torture. Just no fucking way. If it goes on for a total of 15 years and I make it to 80, that will be 12% of my life! Gennev’s menopause magnesium arrives today but it’s hard to be hopeful after so long. The only positive that came from reading what I read was that there’s still a chance it’s not the medication because that would be the worst thing it could be along with my thyroid itself.

Didn’t feel anxious yesterday when I skipped my med. Tom thinks I did better yesterday because it’s a psychological thing. Maybe so since I took it today and I’m still fine. Either way, I wish I could quit the shit for a few months. Then I would know for sure but there’s no way I could stand the hypo symptoms either so that’s not an option.

Woke up with a backache today. Had a massage and it helped but it’s back so I’ll have another massage soon.

My bite has continued to be off too. When I clamp my teeth together, only the teeth on the right side touch. The left side barely touches anymore and I wonder if it’s because of my TMJ. I did hear that that can offset things, so I don’t know. My TMJ definitely seems to prefer it hot and dry. Now let’s also hope it also likes hot and humid. Cold weather along with elevation definitely doesn’t help.

Finally remembered a dream I had last night where I was seeing my old dentist in a small enclosed room. The room was inside some kind of building. A buffet was outside of it. She was just finishing up with me when she told me to gather my stuff and listed off a few things, one of them being something I couldn’t understand. She shut the light off before I finished gathering my stuff up and I asked her to turn it back on. She flicked it back on for a few seconds so I could make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything. Then she put on a winter coat and matching earmuffs and said goodbye as she shut and locked the door and headed outside through a door by the exam room.

Then I was standing in the crowded area where people were loading trays of food. People were seated nearby as well and there was a long line of people waiting for seats. I was hungry as hell and wondered how people managed to starve themselves. I looked around for Tom and spotted him talking to some guy. I was glad to see him holding bags of food so we could take off and eat as soon as we got home. I moved toward him through the throng of people and asked where I should go and he guided me toward the end of the line and said, “That way.”

The crowds and noise began to fray my nerves. Someone was letting their kid play some loud obnoxious video game on their phone or tablet and I wanted to leave. However, I was tightly squeezed into the line and found it wasn’t so easy to break free as I scanned the area for Tom and wondered where he disappeared to.