About 28 days to go! The only things I’ll miss are the dry air, taking walks around the park, and some of the neighbors. It kind of blows my mind knowing that I probably won’t even do more than 30 more California entries. But now it’s getting even more real. As in time to start watching quantities when shopping since the less we have to move the better.

There were 5 Green Gobbler sticks left that you throw down the drain to control odors and eat up organic matter. We used those up by throwing them down both shower drains, kitchen and bathroom sinks, and the tub.

We’re getting the money’s worth out of stuff that doesn’t have much left in it to be worth moving. Oh, this is so fun. LOL, most of the cleaning stuff we’ll leave for her since the fewer liquids we move the better.

We shouldn’t need more laundry or dish pods in this state. If there’s any fabric softener left over, she can have it. I’m even going to leave the laundry bag because I have another one we never used that’s still in its package. It might be packed already. Then again, if we go back to the top loaders I prefer, being that they’re easier to clean, we won’t need them.

These were cheap $40 pots and pans we got and we’ll have to decide if they’re worth taking or if we should get new ones there but I’m guessing we’ll take them. They can be replaced later. We’ll even take the plastic cups I plan to replace because we still need to drink out of something when we’re not drinking out of cans and bottles. No need to replace the mugs I have. I just have too many, LOL. I might leave a few behind.

Good news and bad news. As I suspected, we won’t be getting into Spanish Lakes in Port Saint Lucie because the realtor said they usually want you to have at least $1600 a month. What surprises me is that most places have an application fee which is totally ridiculous. How hard can it be to look at someone’s income and tell if they qualify? Plus to run a background check if they do make enough? But hey, if worse comes to absolute worst, there’s always that stilt house up in Steinhatchee.

Another bad thing but that doesn’t surprise me is that he finally found a place that tells you which parks allow motorcycles and that’s almost all of them. Only about 1 out of 100 forbids them. Yeah, I don’t expect to be able to dodge those or the dogs but I know it’s going to be better than this place even if it wasn’t soundproofed but of course it will be. It’s just that we might not get much peace when we’re sitting out in the lanai and people are letting their dogs bark and doing whatever projects they’re doing. Yet I don’t expect the lanai to be pleasant most of the year anyway due to the humidity.

He found another town he’s investigating called Orange City. I don’t like the name but that’s not important, of course. It’s reasonably priced as it’s more inland but still only a half-hour from the beach.

The good news is that the inspector isn’t coming until Tuesday and we don’t have to be out of the house like we originally thought. We didn’t have to be when they inspected the place in Phoenix so I was kind of surprised when he first said we might have to be out.

We were given a long form to fill out if anything doesn’t work. Would have been nice if they’d done that for us when we moved in here, as he said. We didn’t even know the self-cleaning part of the oven didn’t work, or its timer.

Not much else going on around here. Nancy’s getting new flooring, we ran out to Rite Aid, and I dyed my hair burgundy. Beautiful color.

Now I just have to hope the old me makes its way back soon. Two out of the four possible culprits will be eliminated soon, although I still can’t believe it could be connected to the cemetery or negative energy within the house. That’s just too easy. It’s got to be connected to either hormones or medication. I can’t believe it’s the thyroid itself since I never felt this way before being diagnosed.

I also hope his flu-like symptoms are gone by tomorrow. This has got to be the strongest vaccine he’s ever gotten! The nurse did warn him though. He felt better most of the day until we went to the store.

Later...

The anxiety I had for 4-5 hours throughout the night has dissipated and while that’s wonderful, I still shouldn’t be going through this back-and-forth bullshit! I should be focused on the move and able to enjoy concentrating on that without this shit thrown into the mix. Life could be pretty damn good if it wasn’t for this shit spoiling things.

Seven years later I’m wracking my brains trying to figure out what the fuck it could be and I can only come up with that it’s either one or more of three things - hormones, the poison, or the thyroid itself. I agree that it’s unlikely that I have tumors or heart disease so it’s got to be one or more of those three things.

If I can never know for sure I just wish I knew what the fuck to do about it! Tapping doesn’t work anymore and nothing else I tried worked. It comes and goes at random and every time I think I might be on to something, I find I’m not. I don’t know, sometimes I think it’s still a bit extreme for hormones and that it’s a hell of a coincidence that this problem started with the medication. But the anxiety that I’ve had since 2014 has been different at different times, as funny as that may sound.

Oh fuck. So now the commercials are going to start flying at 4-fucking-30 instead of 5:30?

As I was saying before I was distracted, remember how I had the booming heart and panic attacks when I first went to 75s? Well, my heart is beating hard at times but not that hard. And I also feel adrenaline in my chest but I’m not panicking. Then there was the time I went to Stacey before she taught me how to tap where I had the stomach anxiety and for a while, it seemed like taping was magic. It stopped it dead in its tracks. But then soon enough, I was having anxiety where I felt afraid to be left alone, and then she EMDR’d me. It was about half a year later that the chest anxiety began in December of 2016. The only kind of anxiety I’ve had that smacks of menopause was the 15 months I had where my heart raced me awake.

I see a definite pattern trending lately. It usually starts around the middle of my day and lasts 4-5 hours.

I was reading back in my 2016 journal and it seems that for the better part of that year, I didn’t have as much anxiety. It got really bad in December and this wasn’t long after finding out that my TSH was a 7. So my first thought was that it was the poison but then I didn’t start skipping until around that time either, so I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore. I just don’t understand why it would get worse.

But then another discouraging thing I read back on was that Doc A told me it’s a “medical disorder” which means I can go months without having anxiety and then it can pick up. So could I have developed a medical disorder when I started the poison that has nothing to do with menopause, thyroid, or medication???

To think that I may have to live another 20 years with this shit if we can’t ever figure it out and it doesn’t go away on its own makes me want to bash my fucking head in the wall until my brains are forever engraved into it.