My day started off borderline anxious, but I improved throughout my day yesterday. No sign of impending anxiety for today. Just frustration, concern, and tiredness but I’ll get to that in a minute. Depending on how I do on this brand, I’m going to wonder if maybe it really was a coincidence that I got anxious after changing brands after all. Maybe even the lightheadedness I would experience upon returning to Sandoz was also a coincidence. I just don’t know.

I’m tired because the fucking garbage truck woke me up if it wasn’t the recycling truck. I should have turned the sound machine up louder and put an ear plug in. I just wonder if I’m ever going to get back to the days when traffic didn’t wake me up and I didn’t hear dozens of planes and helicopters every single day. It’s getting to the point where those days are such a long-lost memory that I can barely remember them. It’s windy tonight and the freeway and planes are horrible.

I decided that unless it messes with our health in any way, the next place is it and where we stay no matter what it’s like there. The only way to get off this trend of being stuck in places as I have been for decades is to not plan to move. You can’t be stuck anywhere if you know you’re not going anywhere to begin with.

I just wish I knew when the hell we were getting out of here! It’s like come on, gimme a date. Even if it’s one I don’t like, at least I would know and I would have a specific goal and date to aim for and plan on. I’m tired of all the unknowns in the world.

I was bummed not to find a message from Aly waiting for me when I got up. Technically, she does skip a day every now and then but she doesn’t skip two whole days in a row. If everything really is alright and she just had another setback, then tomorrow is when I expect to hear from her. If I don’t, then I’m going to be going a little beyond worried. If it got to a week, I would look for an obit. If I couldn’t find one, I’d send a letter to her parents.

I would totally hate to lose her! Can’t imagine ever having a friend remotely like her ever again who was that smart, understanding, and non-judgmental. The only positive would be that I would have a little more writing freedom around the web but that freedom totally wouldn’t be worth the loss of her. Yes, I have Andy, but Andy just isn’t Aly like Aly isn’t Andy.

I don’t want to lose her! I don’t care if Cam isn’t real. I don’t care if she lies at times. I just want her to be okay!

Nane finally picked up my message on Instagram. But the thing is that it’s like she blocked me but she didn’t. I’m not sure what’s going on. Maybe it’s just not working properly? I noticed she was no longer on my list of those I’m following, even though I can’t see anything she’s posted because she has a private account, and assumed that meant it was because she blocked me. Yet I was able to re-add her and send her an additional message.

Found her on Skype too, lol, as I was looking up the termites so I could block them.

So I’ve had three red spots on my right shin for at least a year now. The smallest spot has doubled in size recently but there’s still no itching or bleeding so I’m not worried about it. Maybe it’s just dermatitis. Although the pictures I’m looking at right now suggest it’s not. I think the irritation I get under my wedding band could be contact dermatitis and I could have atopic dermatitis on my armpits when I shave.

Finished Three Days to Live and now I’m going to check out Buried in the Backyard.