Tom’s father’s in the hospital right now and not doing too well. His lung collapsed and they’re hoping to re-inflate it. He’s gonna stop by the hospital after work and hopefully, things will have improved. I shall pray to God that all goes well with his dad. I know this is something that’s OK to pray for, too.

I knew before, but now I really know - there’s no way Tom will touch me on Saturday. Not only is that a scary day for him for reasons we already know, but he’s gonna have his dad on his mind which is perfectly understandable. What a coincidence that this happens right around mid-cycle with his dad. Especially when this is maybe the first or second time I’ll hit mid-cycle on his day off. Tom can’t control what goes on with his dad, so I see more and more how God’s controlling this situation. But why would God and Tom want Tom to stay away from me during those times when he won’t cum and when God can make sure I’m sterile? It must be just to baffle me.

Later…

Before Tom went to work he told me he felt he was a bad husband cuz he hasn’t given me the attention I need. I thoroughly understand. If I were him and if my father was going through what his father’s going through, I’d have that on my mind, too, and want to be alone or not do much extra stuff. I know he still loves me and he takes care of me just fine. I do miss having sex more often, but I’ve never felt we had sex enough and I never will.

Later…

What the hell are the kids two yards down doing out playing in this kind of heat? Are they playing in a kiddy pool or running through sprinklers? If I can hear a scream here and there now, I can only imagine how much I’ll hear them in the winter when the air is thicker, making sounds louder.

I showed Tom an ad I saw for housekeeping at a hotel. He was reluctant about it, saying he doesn’t think that’s what I want. We’ve already been through this and about how no one really likes their jobs and how I can’t do what I want to do. I’m not gonna sit in this house forever while he falsely promises us a kid every few months. He’s always gonna cum, he doesn’t want to wait on the kid, now’s the perfect time for a kid... Then where is this kid?! I think I can find better things to do with my life, whether I like them or not than listen to him kid me and begging God to change his mind. Fate is fate, whether or not Tom’s lying or whether or not he really believes what he says and doesn’t know any better.

The bee things may work, after all, but being the pessimist I am, I need to give it more time. That one I used yesterday is either broken it its battery is dead. The other one gave off a high, soft pitch, unlike the one I tried yesterday. One might very well be enough, though, if we can’t fix the other one. The one that works is easier to hear at say 9 AM, rather than 1 PM since the hotter air is thinner. It’s harder to hear when it’s hotter.

Later…

I wish my last week’s horoscope was right when it said I was perfectly equipped to excel at whatever I chose to do. I wish this week’s horoscope were right, too, which says: It would seem that you are about to be pleasantly surprised by a close associate or loved one who knows more about a certain matter than you do. Don’t be backward about coming forward - you have more than earned any benefits, bonuses, or rewards that come your way.

My loved one knows more about a certain matter than I do? Well, I always figured that if I didn’t think Tom was bullshitting me about the kid and that it could be a physical problem, maybe I’d think he was waiting, but wouldn’t admit that. I doubt it, though, and if my horoscope has any accuracy, I’d say it had to do with any helpful art info over the computer.