Wow! Been married for two years as of yesterday.

Yesterday and today sure have been busy days. I got up yesterday at around 1 PM and Tom was already at his parents’. When I first got up, I headed for my coffee and cigarettes, like I usually do. Then I got a bad feeling about next door. I asked myself, why do you have a bad feeling about them now? It’s early on a weekday.

Then, sure enough, I heard and saw a black girl, about 10 years old, playing ball. Only for 10 minutes, but what did they do? Call their friends and tell them to come over all the time just to piss me off cuz they’re like most people are and that’s opposite doers? If I’d written them a note asking them to be even wilder, they’d be quiet as all hell, I’d bet.

We were out for 6 hours, but I’m sure it was crazier than hell around here while we were gone. If not, it was only cuz God knew I wouldn’t be here. We took off to his parents’ house at around 2 PM yesterday and we returned shortly before 9 PM.

They were obviously watching the game, and at the end of it, one of the freeloaders went out back and screamed something for a couple of minutes, then I heard visitors leave at 10 PM. It seems like there are at least 5 kids and 5 other adults that they’ve got coming around regularly.

Let me back up now to the events at his folk’s house. We cleared all the stuff out of the sewing room and that’s where they came and set up a hospital bed for Dad. While we were waiting for the bed, I browsed through some of Ma’s paperbacks and found one to read that I’m borrowing.

The fucking freeloaders came blasting in just now. Can’t they ever drive in without anyone knowing it? What selfish, rude, ignorant, and obnoxious assholes! Totally desperate for attention.

Anyway, Dad came home with Mom and Mary as the guy was setting up the bed. Then the respiratory therapist came and set up his oxygen. He was tired and in some pain, but very happy to be home.

Mary went and got us stuff to eat and Dad’s prescriptions and then Ma showed me a pretty funny letter from her niece in Michigan. She said every paragraph was “HA!” Sure enough, all throughout the letter, I counted 16 HAs. It was weird.

Later…

I decided that Tom should have some of that money we agreed on me having to get him something he wants for our anniversary and his birthday, cuz that was only fair since I don’t have the means to surprise him with a gift. So, he’s probably gonna get underwear and he also says he’d really like the envelopes I’m drawing up for him. The envelopes are no surprise to him, but that’s what he really wants and that’s what matters.

Last night I was really worried that I’d end up sleeping all day today, but Robin came and said don’t worry about my schedule, don’t worry about next door for the weekend, they’ll still hardly ever be noticeable and I’ll still be pregnant soon. So far, she’s been right. Except for that bassy entrance, we haven’t heard a peep out of them all day. There aren’t even any lights on over there now, which is surprising.

I got up at 2 PM today, and then we went to the art store where I got an absolutely gorgeous journal, which will be my next, and those 3 pens I’ve wanted.

Then we got Chinese food for me and he got Arby’s. We came home, ate, and went swimming. There sure were more duties on that patio than I’ve ever seen before! Measles did something new. I was reaching a handful of seeds out to her and she jumped onto my hand and ate the seeds.

Tom told me that he doesn’t believe in praying for things we want. He believes in praying for things we need. That’s an interesting belief, whether God will or won’t answer prayers for stuff we need.

I told him today that I figured out his secret. I figured that he was gonna tell me that he really has been waiting all along to cum till we’re in a new house. I told him he dropped hints, cuz when he was talking about what he’d do with a 7-bedroom house, he said one would be for the nursery. Not the kid. Then he nodded when I said something to the effect of how he just says I’ll be pregnant by September to cheer me up and cuz it’s what I’d want to hear. Then he said he didn’t know if we’d have a kid in this house or the next, before saying I’d be pregnant by September.

Then I started to get pretty pissed when he said he wasn’t gonna tell me the secret cuz of how pushy I was about it. If he’s got a secret, it’s my right to know, and I hate how this guy plays with my head! So, I told him he could play with my head about the kid, I’m used to it and I know it makes him happy, but not with anything else. So then he said that it’s no secret cuz he knows it’s gonna happen, it’s 1 precise thing, I’ll know it when it happens and that it’ll happen for sure, no ifs, ands or buts, anytime from now till my 31st birthday.

Oh, don’t tell me this about the kid! We’ve been down this road before where he’s said during a certain timeframe, he was 100% sure I’d be pregnant and it was all bullshit. Why must he do this same old shit over and over? Isn’t it old? Doesn’t he ever get sick of it? Jesus!

He said it has nothing to do with either of our families, it’s not at all job-related and it’s one thing. If he isn’t playing a game, then I’d say it has to do with a trip we’re gonna go on. I don’t see how in hell it could have to do with moving. I know it can’t have to do with a kid and if it does in his mind, it’s bullshit. Maybe he lied to throw me off when he said it wasn’t family-related and someone was coming out to see us.

I was wondering if he was gonna tell me he read all my journals, but that was a long shot. Meaning, that’s something I can’t picture him telling me, even if he has read them.

I’ll bet he’s gonna insist he’s cum when he hasn’t and say that that was the secret. That could be it, but he knows that won’t work on me. I won’t fall for that, but if he really wants to insist on something that’s full of shit, he will. That would be his perfect way out of the doctor’s appointment, not that I care to go. Doesn’t he realize, though, that if he did that I may say, “Well, why don’t I go to a doctor, get checked out, and see if there’s anything wrong with me?” 

If I were dumb enough to fall for it of course. Then he might be thinking, oh, no. They’re gonna maybe tell her she’s OK, want to examine me, see that I’m fine and then she’ll really know the truth. Not that I wouldn’t anyway, like with that fake orgasm in ‘93.

Still, today was a great second anniversary for us.

Later…

After we swam in the company of the birds, we played around. I got him going by hand, then he went in me in our sideways position, then he got up top, ran out of gas 3 or 4 minutes later, then finished me up by going down on me. Of course, missionary position wouldn’t help him, like he said it would and so many other things would, but his running out of gas isn’t just cuz of fear. He’s like me, understandably, in the way that he’s not motivated to work out and stick to it. I may be more fit than he is, but like me, he hasn’t been able to stick to any exercise program yet. I don’t think he’d ever want to or do so if he could. I think he’d rather stay the way he is than get more fit and be able to go in missionary position longer and end up losing it.

Anyway, I saw a really good movie just now. A predictable one, but it’s a kind I’ve always liked. The guy loves the woman, kills her friends, then moves in on her. Then she finds out what he’s really about and they battle it out till she wins and kills him.

At the art store, we saw a book-making kit. One was for $20 and you could make 2 or 3 books. One had brown paper to use for a cover, then a boring fabric, and I think it also had some other kind of paper. It looked pretty neat, though, with the paper bound and stitched with no cover. It was 160 pages, I believe and it had no lines. We still want to try making one of our own sometime with our own designs for covers. A kit would be more costly, but in the end, it may be cheaper if there’s a number for a supplier enclosed. We also may be able to find suppliers through AOL.

Tom says we’ll be moved by the turn of the century, but I don’t know. He’s like he is with the kid with that. Every few months we might be able to move soon, as well as that I’ll be pregnant soon. Things always take either way longer than you anticipated or they never happen. I wouldn’t be surprised if we were still here in the year 2005.

I abandoned the music room since it’s the smallest room in the house that echoes and brings in next door’s bullshit just beautifully. The only reason I’ll use that room now is to listen to music since my stereo’s still in there. Also, my bookcase of journals is still in there. Other than that, I don’t intend to hang out in that room. I’ve moved my table that I write and draw and do whatever on back into the master bedroom in the same spot it was before. I had had the vanity in there all this time and now that’s in the music room where my table was. Tom can sleep through me working in there and doesn’t mind at all. Thank God he’s so easy-going and flexible and tolerable and adaptable like he is.

Boy, have I got to clean this place as soon as I can. Gotta dust, vacuum, and clean the kitchen.

I haven’t checked my email yet, so I’ll go do that soon, too.

Later…

I forgot to mention that Tom and I discussed putting up the same acoustic sound blockers in the music room and living room that’s in the bedroom.

Got a letter from Kim today. She says she’ll be calling me about my Bob idea. She also sent me a couple of boring Bob letters. I told her she can just ditch any boring ones and then highlight or circle any of his rare funny lines and send those to me. Bob didn’t mention to her that my letters were rather strange, so that’s nice.

Tom’s out now fixing Mary’s car. Once again, this is very nice of him, but I wish he’d take care of stuff around here before taking care of other people’s stuff. The lawn needs mowing and what about all the stuff he promised to make me this year as part of his New Year’s resolution? Why is it that he keeps his word to others when he says he’s gonna do something for them, but he won’t keep his word for his wife?

Today I de-dutied the patio, which Tom said he was gonna do every weekend. I don’t mind doing it, but I’m not as patient about it as he is. Also, it’s kind of hard to do at times when a certain area of the patio floods. So I have to wait for that to dry up a bit before doing more of it. The birds are so brave. They come right up to where I’m hosing down the patio. They only fly away when I spray them, but only a few feet above the spray, and then they return.

This morning Tom dried a load of laundry, so when I got up later, I went and got it and put it away. Then I washed the sheets and a few towels and hung those out on the line. Then I made the bed and that’s pretty much all I’ve done for the most part, but during the week I intend to fully clean this house. It’s filthy.

Later…

I just talked to Tom who says he’s got Mary’s car narrowed down to a few possibilities as to what the problem may be. He’ll be home in about half an hour.

I heard next door just come in, as always, but to my utter amazement, they came in pretty mildly. Now next door all I have to do is hope the next few hours are quiet. So far, Robin’s been right on their being quiet, so I’ll give her that much.

Later…

I realize that I was being rather hard on Tom about Mary’s car and perhaps a bit selfish and unfair too. Working on Mary’s car is a good way for Tom to spend time with Dad and they both love to talk about cars. Tom said he grew up with his dad fixing cars and that he taught Tom all he knows about cars.

We screwed this morning, but he got sick and had to stop after going on top cuz he ate right before screwing. Always an excuse or problem. Funny how he was really close this morning and how he happened to get sick as soon as we changed to the missionary position. I don’t know what the truth really is, but I don’t know if I care anymore either. He told me more about the secret, whether it’s true or not. He says I’ll notice it as it happens but won’t know that that was the secret till he tells me. It has nothing to do with the house. He’s the only one who knows about it. It’s something he found out. Thank God he said it’s something he found out, cuz now I know he’s not playing more sex and baby games. He denied it had anything to do with Robin, but he’s never denied a trip. I think that’s it. The reason why I know it’s not about sex/kid is cuz he wouldn’t “find out” anything about it. He’s never gonna care to check into his problem, whether it’s mental or physical, and I still really believe he’s holding back. He already admitted he’s holding back now in an indirect way (he always has one reason after another to hold back anyway). I told him I was gonna hold off on stuff I want (he knew what I meant), cuz his dad needs him. He thanked me, but of course, it’s his own willpower that holds him back. Then he says this stuff with his dad won’t be going on much longer. Yes, it will. And when it’s over, there’ll be something else.

He also admitted he realizes he shouldn’t tease me with certain things and he says he’s gonna work on it. That’s nice, but I can’t believe a guy as smart as he is, didn’t know any better than to go teasing someone about having a kid.