Got up at 10 AM today and yesterday. Last night, I didn’t think I’d ever fall asleep. Nothing was wrong. I was just filled with energy.

My wisdom tooth has been acting up and Tom said something about getting my teeth taken care of in a couple of months. We’ll see. I mean, yes, they do need to be taken care of and I have problems with several teeth as well as the gums, but could we really have that kind of money in just a couple of months? I know Dad’s leaving Tom some money, but after the bills are paid and we’re out of debt, it seems unbelievable that there’d be money left over for new cooling/heating stuff, a new roof, my teeth, the bed, and all the other things Tom’s been talking about. We’ll just have to wait and see.

At 1 p.m., it looked like it was early morning out. It was drizzling out. It’s been very cloudy out and just went it looked like the sun was gonna pop out, clouds came in. It’s the humidity that’s the bitch of it all and it hardly feels like we’re in the desert. I wish we could air the place out and use the EC, but it’s too humid for that so we’ve still got the AC on.

Tammy says they’re not going to Florida now till August 4th, cuz of the doctor’s appointments she and Bill have.

Being only 4 days away from my period, I’ve been having good luck as far as PMS goes. My chest is barely sore at all and I’ve had minimal pre-cramps and water gain and no emotional shit so far.

I told Tom that it still seems logical that sterility is so probable for me. He said I was very wrong, though, and I told him he can gladly prove me wrong yet again, but has a lot of odds stacked against him in which to do so. It’s more than a gut feeling or a vibe or intuition and the DES. My weight used to fluctuate a lot and of course, I was a walking pharmacy for most of my life and I didn’t get periods from age 16 to 18.

At least I haven’t had any dreams with strange messages.

Later…

I’ve only got a few minutes to write, then I’ll be checking out of here cuz I want to see a movie that might hopefully be good. For the most part, though, nothing’s too good or too interesting on TV till the fall. It’s nothing but reruns now and all year round there’s enough of that shit anyway.

Since grouping my journals on the computer, there are only 6 groups that are of Arizona journals. I used the search mode to see if I mentioned a certain dream I had a few years ago, and to my surprise, I have never written about it. It’s a pretty scary, yet funny dream in a way. As you know, my life was once so bad that I used to wish I could wake up and see that it was all just a nightmare. Well, I certainly got my chance to do just that in real life when I had the dream I’m about to write about.

I was walking down a beautiful desert road wearing a gorgeous flowing white chiffon dress and I was barefoot. I was admiring the beautiful weather and the scenery around me with cactuses, palm trees, and mountains. I was walking through some mountain trail, I guess, and at one point I was walking down the street of a suburban neighborhood just like ours when suddenly, my feet got very cold. 

“No!” I cried. “It can’t be what I think it is.” 

Sure enough, though, I slowly lowered my head to look down at my feet and I was standing in snow. Terrified, I slowly looked up, so afraid my worst nightmare had come true and it did. I was standing in the same outfit, still barefoot in the snow in downtown Springfield by Bay State West. In a panic, I ran inside the front doors where the payphones have always been and tried calling different people I’d known in the Springfield area. Either no one was home or I’d get busy signals. So I finally called Tammy and when she answered, I told her about my situation. At first she didn’t believe me, then she said, 

“Well, tough shit. This is your problem, so you get yourself out of it all by yourself.” 

Then I woke up. Never had I been so relieved to know that that was just a dream and I ran to the window and admired Arizona’s beauty till my sweat dried up and till my heart stopped pounding.

Later…

The movie seemed shitty, so I guess I’ll write some more. I mentioned a neat idea to Tom that I’ve had for a while. Again, I don’t know how we could ever afford to do this. I was thinking how neat it’d be to clean the patio up of all its bird shit and junk that’s out there and lay down some cheap carpet over the bulk of the area. Then put a table and chairs there and screen the patio and put a screen door in and make it what’s called an Arizona room. Then put a table with an umbrella and some chairs, including a new lounge, out by the grassy area and the cool deck. That cool deck, which is a textured cement surface that surrounds the pool, sure does get hot and fries your feet, even though it’s cooler than the concrete on the patio that’s smooth. Also, we’d have to take down the bench swing, which the birds have totally claimed, anyway, and it’d be nice to get that rocker bench for either outside or inside the patio area, but if it were outside, it’d really have to be covered well, cuz anything that’s put outside, is for the birds to claim and do whatever they please with.

We ordered stamps by mail and I guess they’ll be here tomorrow. Now I’m only writing to Bob and Kim since Tammy’s got a computer and my parents are history. Of course, I also write to Larry and his family.

I just hope everything continues to work out. So far, so good, but still it seems we’ll never have enough time for each other. If a 30-year-old DES person really can get pregnant in a few months, will we even have the time to do so? He’s so tired most of the time due to having to tend to his parents after work nearly every day and my schedule isn’t always on days. I just wish the other family members would do their fair share and stop sticking the bulk of it on Tom, and then on Mary. Mary’s been kind enough to stay there overnight several times, but what about Ray, Nora, Evie, and the two Davids? Have they got a problem with it or something? Does it make them that uncomfortable? Well, we all like to be in our own beds and I sure as hell wouldn’t want to sleep over there, but if I need to and if that’s something I can do to help out, then I will.

I hope we can get a new ribbon soon. I’m amazed that the color one we’ve been using is still alive. It’s barely alive, but that’s only cuz I’ve been printing with pink in a low resolution. If I were to use a higher resolution and print in blues, purples, or black, it’d really drain the juice out of it. I am getting sick of pink print, though, so the next time I print stuff, I may keep the low resolution, but print in blue or something like that. When I look at the 4 color bands on the ribbon which are yellow, red, blue, and black, I can see that all the colors are worn out except for the blue.

I hope it doesn’t rain anymore or stay humid, but that’s a dream. It is the monsoon season after all and it’ll be this way till mid-September. I wish it’d rain every single weekend, though. That’d keep neighbors quiet, although they have been, thank God.

I haven’t been reading that 510-page book by Dean Koontz lately, so pretty soon I think I’m gonna jump back into it before I forget what the hell’s going on. I’m halfway through it.

When I was in the bookstore, they had a horror section with all kinds of books that I’m totally into. Now why can’t any of these libraries do that and have horror sections? What’s the big deal?

I think I may have forgotten to mention this, but when I bought the last 3 journals, the guy there at the store gave us a card and I think after you’ve bought $10 worth of stuff 8 times ($80), you get a $7 book free. It may be 10 times, though. The 3 journals had come to $19 and change, but the guy stamped off the card two times. Before a year is out, I’ll get that $7 off. Probably even before 1996 is out with the way I write.

After midnight, I’ll be technically 3 days away from my period and I wonder now, why am I so lucky this month? I have no tit pain. I can only feel a little soreness if I press into the sides, but this has been the best my tits have ever felt before a period. They feel like they do after my period and I’ve hardly had any pre-cramps. I’ve had some, though. I’m sure, though, that within the next few days, I’ll feel worse and pretty shitty on Saturday. Thank God for Ibuprofen, though.

I know I’m not pregnant, of course, but I asked Tom how Tammy could feel like she was gonna get her period as she said she did when she got pregnant. Tom said it’s kind of like a psychological thing and when something’s going on down there, a woman automatically relates it to her period. But you can’t feel anything going on down there for the first 2 or 3 months, so that’s weird. Real weird. She said that after her period was supposed to be over, though, the symptoms went away.