I was waiting for KHITS to play a song I requested, but as usual, they didn’t. They said they had the song, but it’s always, “I’ll try to get that on for you.” Never, “we will” or “we won’t” get that on for you.

Got a letter from Kim with a boring Bob letter she enclosed which she added some lines and words to. She used another one of those cat cards she has and I’m gonna take a shot at drawing it later.

I drew in my sketchbook, some of the flowers, birds, and cactuses I had drawn on sheets of paper that I’d stuck in plastic protector folders and put in my photo album. This way I can have some of my favorite ones in my sketchbook. I also did an elephant and maybe I’ll draw in more copies of my photo album drawings. Except for the people ones. I still haven’t done any journal covers yet.

Yesterday Tom said we’d definitely spend time together and that he’d adapt his schedule to mine (since he’s the only one here who can do that). I don’t know how serious he is, though. I don’t know if this is a tease or what he really has in mind, but he won’t be able to blame my behavior, cuz I’m not gonna say anything. I want to see what he does on his own or what God may do. I want to see what positions Tom will do and for how long till something hurts or he gets tired or sick.

I’m 14 days after my last period began. There’s got to be some catch waiting for me. If we screw, if he doesn’t say anything about cumming, I’m gonna say something like, “I could tell you had at least a mini orgasm.” I want to see if he goes along with it as a tease or uses bogus mini orgasms as a way off the hook and a way to make me believe the only reasons I never got pregnant were due to the DES and God. If he says he didn’t really cum, then maybe he’d have a couple of reasons for that. One might be that he’d look forward to and expect to see a look of such disappointment on my face and he’d be thinking to himself, “Ha, ha! You’re still not getting pregnant, but for a minute you thought you just might, you sucker!” The other reason might be so as to stop me from getting my hopes up for nothing. We’ll just have to wait and see.

Gloria’s fan club is worse than Tom. A couple of weeks ago they sent a letter promising me stuff they never sent. They promised to send stuff in May, then June and now it’s July.

Later…

I did the cat picture on Kim’s card. It’s got lots of detail to it. The cat’s hanging over a fancy box and then there’s a hat and there’re fancy baseboards and wallpaper. I altered my colors a bit for originality. I’m happy with how it came out and I think Tom will like it.

Now I’m gonna go check out a movie that’s coming on soon.

Later…

Tom got up about an hour ago, drank a shake, then went swimming with me. It was funny, cuz after he got out of the water, he was like, where’s my nose? You know, the thing that pinches your nose shut so you don’t get water up it? Even I was air-headed for a moment there, cuz I didn’t notice he was wearing it around his head like a bandanna till we came in the house.

One of the birds charged and ran towards him as he got out of the pool. He must’ve thought Tom had some seeds. This one chases me too, and walks anxiously in front of me like a cat or a dog would that’s waiting to be fed.

I had a dream about Nervous last night. Nervous hates hot climates, so I thought it was really weird that I’d run into him in a shopping plaza here in Phoenix. Especially when he’s supposed to be dead. So I called out, “Nervous!” 

But he just looked at me as if he didn’t know me. I said, “Nervous” again, but he still looked confused. Then I said, “Kevin T?” 

He shook his head, saying that wasn’t him. Then he said that Kevin T was his name and that he didn’t know me. Then I woke up.

As expected, Tom shows no desire for sex and doesn’t seem horny at all, but we’ll see. If he initiates sex, it probably won’t be till toward the end of my day. I’m sure he’s gonna want to wait till the last minute, right as I’m getting really tired, so as to get as far as he can into his day, so he’s more tired and less apt to be able to screw longer, if at all.

Later…

Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Tom came like hell! Yes, he really did! I just don’t believe it, but I do! It was as obvious as this black print. I am so shocked and happy, yet you can bet your ass I feel so guilty! And all this time I called him a liar. Never will there ever be any room in my mind to doubt Tom about sex and a kid (unless God still forbids me to conceive). Nor do I have any room left in my mind to doubt Robin. She’s been absolutely right so far.