Yesterday morning I left Tom a message saying I was sorry for bringing up my problems when he’s got enough of his own. I told him that the only thing that didn’t go over well with me was when he said he wouldn’t associate with me if I danced. He later clarified me on that, though. He said it wasn’t that he’d not associate with me ever, but that he wouldn’t want to associate with me if I felt my boredom and my need to work right this minute were more important than his dad. I don’t think my boredom or need to have more responsibility and my desire to fulfill my dreams is ever more important than anything in his eyes. He said, though, that other than this stuff with his dad, if his arm fell off, my worries and dreams would be more important.

Yeah, right! I still don’t know if I can believe he really came. But only he can know what his body really felt. This is just like that other time 2.5 years ago. Will another 2.5 years go by before he claims to have another orgasm?

I was at Andy’s earlier and he still says what I always thought - that a woman should feel a guy cum in her. But Kim says guys have cum in her for sure, but she couldn’t feel it. I just don’t know what to make of all this or what to believe. Andy agrees that it sounds too good to be true and that yes, he’s probably lying. Why would he bother to lie, I asked? Andy’s answer was, cuz Tom’s an American and we’re all uptight about sex and that some people don’t like sex. Well, he sure likes hard-ons more often these days.

Shortly after he came home, he said he needed to talk and I told him, “You said you were sick of me. And I needed to talk to you yesterday and got nowhere, so why should I listen to you?”

He said that was fair, then, “I take that back. This is not fair. Every other time I’ve listened to you and I shouldn’t be punished for not hearing you out last night or being able to deal with it cuz I had a problem and my state of mind wasn’t great.”

Yeah, he had a point, but it wasn’t every other time that he’s listened to me and dealt with me. Every few times, or so, he just can’t tolerate what I have to say and he’d rather not hear it. I’m sorry I burdened him, though, with stuff he and anyone else could never fix or help. I’m sorry I brought up shit he doesn’t want to hear, can’t deal with, can’t understand and that turns him off. I shouldn’t bring it up ever, but especially not while his father’s dying.

Time will tell if he’s lying about phase 2. Right now, though, it just seems like pure bullshit that’s too good to be true.

I wasn’t at Andy’s long. Due to it being so hot and kind of humid, it was too hot in his place with the EC and his AC was broken and useless.

I surprisingly got more done on the cat than expected and next time I’ll finish it for sure.

I never met Laura cuz she was asleep. That “art thing” she had for me was just tracing paper. I told Andy to thank her anyway, but I didn’t want it. I already have some that I never use.

He gave me a black and white picture of Gloria that’s about 18” tall and 5” wide. It’s OK. It’s just there, but not bad. I put it in the kitchen.

The shower curtain he gave us is gorgeous. It’s totally me with soft splashes of pastel colors in a faint flower design. It just brought our tiny bathroom to life. The other one was too dark and kind of ugly, but this one’s bright and cheerful.

I showed Andy the journals he’s never seen and my latest artwork. He was quite impressed. He loved this journal and the floral design with all kinds of plants, flowers, colors and detail.

Tammy should get her floral envelope today, if not yesterday and I’m mailing some out today to my parents, Larry and Anna and Harry.

Later…

Got another plate in the mail I didn't pay for. It’s of a little girl playing with a bunny. So now I have 6 plates and I would’ve had 7 if I didn’t accidentally smash one a few years ago.

Remember the message I left on AOL to find Robin? Well, here are the two different replies I got from them. Parts of them anyway. It said:

Your announcement in “Missing but not Forgotten” section will probably be read by someone who can help you. When you submit your announcement, you grant GL staff and its affiliates the privilege of reproducing and distributing it unaltered, in any digital form, and indefinitely. This means you give us the “privilege” or permission to print your unaltered announcement in GL newsletter or Webzine for as long as possible. Announcements in this free section will be published for about 2-3 months. If the missing persons are still not located after that time period, the announcements will be posted in GL 96 Webzine for about 1 year.

After I replied to this and asked how to post my name and other stuff, I got a second reply saying:

Jodi,

I’ve condensed your announcement to 3 lines:

Pls help me find a former counselor, Robin R., at Camp Naomi (now Camp Nashobe North) in Raymond, ME. 20 years ago was 5’ 5” (160 cm), slim, brown hair & eyes, with small, furry mutt. Pls write Jodi O. (email addy) w/ any info.

Then they asked me to verify its accuracy and I told them to go ahead and post it. This is hardly enough info, but all the info in the world will do me no good. I just had to do this for the hell of it, though. How do they know if someone’s located a person after 2-3 months in order to know whether to post it in that other area for a year?

Later…

Tom’s up now and I’ll probably be up another few hours. Don’t know what I’ll do, though. Maybe I’ll draw.

I’m watching Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville now, performing at the White House. I was hoping she’d do that Dreams to Dream song, but so far, she hasn’t.

She looks terrible. No wonder she always wears black. She’s so fat and has such a fat neck, face, and double chin.

I got a nice Little House treat. They’re doing a tribute to Michael Landon, so I’m taping 9 hours’ worth of movies they’re running now.

I don’t believe Linda’s singing You’re No Good. I haven’t heard her do her older stuff from the 70s and 80s in ages.

I forgot to say, but my announcement about Robin won’t be posted/published till July 14th. I wonder how many people will leave me false clues and leads? Will anyone just “think” they can help me?

Linda was just saying how she and Aaron can see each and every one of the audience members and they’re not used to that. They aren’t? Haven’t they done enough daytime concerts outdoors by now?

The hit floral envelopes I’ve been doing, I’m now doing in my sketchbook. I still haven’t begun decorating journals yet. I just did a quick half-assed set of flowers in the back of this book.