I had a brief, yet pleasant enough talk with Tom about what I wrote the day before. In fact, Tom read the previous date’s writing.

He still totally disagrees with me and knows for a fact that one, I’m not sterile and two, I will be pregnant in September or October. Well, I don’t see it, but let’s hope he’s right just like he was about his cumming. I tried to adopt more of an optimistic attitude, but as you can see, that’s easier said than done. Most things, I don’t believe till I see, but if I’m proven wrong on something, then I believe. I told Tom that as each thing happens that I said wouldn’t or couldn’t believe, then I won’t be so pessimistic on that particular thing, but other things that haven’t happened yet, then yes, I’m pessimistic all right.

His parents are doing lousy. Ma can’t handle Dad physically and is very weak and arthritic herself due to all the stress. Tom thinks she’ll get better after Dad goes, but that’s where Mary and I disagree. He said his dad gets weaker by the day and much more out of it.

Mary’s staying overnight tonight, so Tom’s sleeping in bed.

I know that it’s not a very cool thing for me to still be angry at Uncle Marty or anyone else from my past. I should be big enough to tell myself that it’s done and over with and to just forget the past and the past people, but I guess you could say that’s one of my weaknesses and faults. I don’t always let go of the past like I should. I’m not as bad as I used to be, but still, I should keep on doing what I’ve been doing and not have anything to do with Marty. I just can’t, though. For some reason, my letting him know I could take him in a fight nowadays, really releases just about all of the anger I’ve had towards him for threatening me. I’m also kind of pissed at myself, too, and embarrassed for being a little wuss back then and for taking it and for just letting him get away with threatening me like he did. Why didn’t I clobber him? I should have. At that time I’m sure he could’ve clobbered me right back, but it would’ve been worth it to know I tried and didn’t just stand there and take it like a wimp.

I’m not mad anymore at Ronnie cuz I gave him a piece of mind back in 1986 or so. He ended up getting so scared of me that he changed his phone number.

I feel much better now, knowing I’ve talked to Larry and am sending this letter. Anyone else I’ve had problems with is done and over and in the past.

I promise myself this and anyone else who cares to listen and that’s that if I ever have any problems with being threatened by any more family members, neighbors, or anyone, I will jump their ass. I may lose or I may win, but there won’t be any words or threats coming out of my mouth. Only actions will there be.

So, Marty and Ruth are neighbors to my parents, huh? According to Information, they live in the same condos as my parents do. Of course, my parents will hear all about the letter and probably even read it, but I couldn’t care less.

I wonder if I should tell Tom about the letter and why I’m sending it? Maybe I should wait cuz I don’t want Tom to get all worried as he can get paranoid just like I can but in a different way. Also, I’m quite sure there’ll be no response from anyone about it. My parents and Marty and Ruth will be telling so many hundreds of people about it, that by the time they get around to calling me about it, I’m sure they’ll be really damn sick of discussing the subject.

I just remembered something weird. I sang at my funny farm graduation. I sang My Time Has Come. The stupid song I wrote when I was 15. I wonder why they let me sing. I mean, my voice sucked back then. I was a million times worse on my best singing days then, than I am on my worst singing days now.

I’m gonna take a break now to call AOL and see if I have any mail.

Later…

No mail for me, but I left Tammy a message.

Where the fuck are our stamps? Did that fucking mailman misdeliver them? Well, either Tom or myself intend to call the post office tomorrow and find out what the hell is going on. They better not have given them to fucking next door! If they did that or gave them to some other house, how the hell are we gonna prove that? They should’ve been here Wednesday, so I hope to hell they come tomorrow.

I watched some of the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. The only part of it I want to see is the women’s gymnastics.

Well, I’m getting really beat now and can barely see. With all the crying I did today, my eyes are blurred up big time, so I think I’ll hit the sack. I just hope to hell that the cramps I know I’m gonna wake up with aren’t too bad.

Later…

Naturally, I did get my period today and am not too bad in the way of cramps, so that’s good. Besides, I just pop an Ibuprofen when my cramps act up.

The stamps came, so that’s good. Tomorrow I’ll have letters going out to Kim, Bob, Larry, and Marty.

I hope to get a letter from Minnie soon, but who knows?

Later…

I just had to take a few minutes out to take a dump.

Anyway, what I’ll probably do is this. I am gonna get my parents an anniversary card and when I go to pick that up, along with Tammy’s birthday card, I’ll get a postcard and tell Marty how sorry I am for accusing him of leaving that message and that the person whose voice sounded just like his, called me and apologized for accusing me and said that they found out who really called them.

I got caught up on my sleep and feel much better now. I got up at 2 p.m. and am now doing some of the laundry. I’ve got it hanging out on the line. I wanted to get the bulk of it done today cuz I don’t know how much of the morning or late afternoon hours I’ll be awake tomorrow to hang dry stuff. That way, if I have to have Tom dry anything tomorrow, it’ll be one load and mainly sheets.

Robin was right so far. No noise from next door and no Blazer last night or as often. Like I said, I guess she and Mike aren’t seeing each other as much. I hope she doesn’t get a new rap-blasting boyfriend!

Last night Robin made a so-called deal with me. She said she wasn’t gonna tell me which month, but that I’ll be pregnant for sure in either August, September, or October and that if I’m not, she’ll never come near me again. OK, I told her. She said to think about it. Why is it that I haven’t happened to be mid-cycle but only once or twice in the past when it was the weekend? She said why do I suppose that for the last two weekends and the next and maybe even after that, God has it set so I’ll be mid-cycle? I suppose she’s trying to tell me that God has it set up this way to allow us the right time to work on impregnating me. I sure do hope so, anyway, and she and Tom reminded me that God doesn’t hate me and Tom says not to ditch Robin. OK, Tom does seem to be much smarter than I am when it comes to sex and the reproductive system, so I’ll sit back and let him prove the facts of life to me. He’s been right so far. Robin explained to me what she meant by “there’s a good chance” of my conceiving after we screwed when I was mid-cycle. Tom had said there was a 75% chance an egg got hit by a sperm and Robin said it did and it was a boy.

I wonder just how long it took Evie and Marla to conceive? They didn’t have any kids till they were in their 40s, although, Marla did have a few abortions along the way, but I don’t know about Evie.

In my letter to Kim, I told her how Tom said I’d get my period, even though he came in me when I was mid-cycle, and how he explained that a 30-year-old can’t adapt to hormone changes as fast and that he’s 100% sure I’m not sterile and will conceive in September or October. I asked her if she agreed and if this made sense to her. I suppose it would, but I want to hear her opinion anyway. I hope Tammy’s dead wrong when she said that anyone who screws for the 2½ years we did without getting pregnant by the pre-cum, is certainly sterile. I’ll have to ask Tom more about hormone changes. I thought I’d always heard that hormone changes can really play on your personality and moods and even make you kind of whacked out.

Tom says there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to go out and do your average typical job and wanting to stay home and be a wife and mother. I agree. I used to feel I was wrong for feeling the way I do and for wanting what I do, but millions of other women do it and there’s nothing wrong with it. I may even do other things while I was a mother. Like selling an art disk or whatever. We’ll see, but first things first and that is getting the kid in the first place, even though it seems it should take many, many miracles to do so.

Well, time to go get the clothes off the line, so chow for now!

Tom’s at Evelyn’s now as we agreed on, but I sure hope he changes Piggy’s cage and trims the hedges sometime during the weekend.