Got up at 1 AM and the night sure has been off to a weird start. I felt absolutely freezing, so I turned up the heat and drank some coffee, figuring that’d warm me up. When I was still freezing and when the thermostat read 80º, I took my temperature out of curiosity. It read 97.5. Then I was still cold, so I bundled up in my waterbed for a while, got up, and still felt cold. Not quite as cold as before, but still cold. I took my temperature again, figuring it’d still be the same, but this time, it said 98.8. So, either I’m screwed up or the thermometer is, cuz I shouldn’t be cold due to the heat blaring in here. I also shouldn’t be above normal, either, cuz I’m not sick or infected.

I decided I’d change my wallpaper and screensaver weekly, instead of biweekly. I don’t have the patience to go biweekly.

I talked to Tammy yesterday. She wasn’t too thrilled with Mom and Dad because they just took off for Florida without even telling her. She said she was worried for two days, not knowing if something was wrong. That was rude of them.

So, after helping Lisa with her Spanish homework, I called down to FL. It was about 4 PM ET. Gene answered, Teresa’s husband. He said he’d let them know I called and then I asked him if he knew which daughter this was. Then he said, “Well, this isn’t Tammy.” See? We don’t have the same voice, as Tom insists we do.

Later, while we were asleep, they left a message earlier at 8:30 their time. Actually, they left Tom the message, as if I didn’t exist, except for when she said she’d talk to us “guys” some other time. It was a weird message. At first, it sounded like Dad hung up the other phone. Then mom says, “Hi Tom, this is your mother-in-law,” etc. Then, in the end, I could’ve sworn Dad yelled out either, “Hi Tom,” or “Bye Tom.”

Tom made a peculiar comment yesterday. It was peculiar, even though he’s said this before and it usually ends up not meaning much. He said I better be in shape to screw this weekend. What went through his mind when he said that? A tease? Something good? Something negative? He knows I’m around mid-cycle now, so what’s he trying to do in his mind? Does he think he’s gonna tease me by implying there’ll be lots of sex when there won’t be? Or does he still have his absurd belief that I can conceive and think that that’s just what he’s gonna make happen, no ifs, ands or buts? Well, we’ll just have to wait and see what he does, but it shouldn’t be too long from now, till I can tell if he knows more of what I’m thinking and feeling than what I may say.

Personally? Even though I have not a damn thing to fear or worry about, and even though I love to have fun, I hope he doesn’t get off Saturday or Sunday. Knowing I’m safe and will be taken care of, regardless of what Tom does this weekend or any other time, is enough for me.

I’m not trying to find a “proper path/destiny” at this time, like it or not, I realize that I am on the right path at this moment. If I weren’t, God wouldn’t have me here, doing what I’m doing. So, if he wants me to change courses and be a housekeeper or do some kind of job, he’ll lead me to it. Just as he did with the dancing, with Tom, among other things. I’m right where I’m supposed to be and it can’t not be OK with God, or else I wouldn’t be here. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that you can’t make a path for yourself, choose a fate or make a fate happen, or avoid a fate or a path. This is what I mean when I say not all choices are up to us. People don’t make careers, for example. They do and they don’t. Gloria didn’t make herself get into the music business. God set that up. Then she took it from there and worked her way up to where she is now from the starting point that God initially put her at.

I finished copying my songs into the journal Ma gave me. Tom says he wants to read them. I’ve made some changes/revisions.