I still feel like I did yesterday and I’d say that yesterday and today have been the worst of the cold. My lungs and throat have been fine, but my nose has been really freaked out. My whole head, actually, has been stuffy and it feels like my head is so heavy and I’ve got that feeling where it feels like my whole head is swimming. My ear is clogged up and sounds are so much softer, yet louder sounding. I even had to maximize the bass on my stereo in order to be able to stand it and you know I hate bass.

When I first got up I sneezed my way through waking up and showering, but since then my nose has settled down. I used that nasal spray and put a new nasal strip on. At least the air quality isn’t as bad. We haven’t heard of any pollution advisories being in effect, and I think there may have been some wind and rain, so that’ll clean the air up.

Neither of us has seen Gizzy since that time we both saw him book from the living room towards the bedrooms, but I’d think he was still here and alive.

I’ve had the aquarium on its side with 5 pellets in it and there are still 5 pellets in it, so he hasn’t been eating those. The reason why I put them there is that I was hoping he’d go for the pellets, then I could tip the cage right side up and trap him. Then, I’d either keep him in an old birdcage I saw out in the storeroom that’s off of the patio or let him go. I think that there are big enough cracks in the back door for him to get out. Those huge spiders have gotten in that way and he’s about the same size. He’s just a baby mouse that’s about an inch or two long. However, he may be too stupid to try getting out that way. He did try it a couple of times the first night I saw him, but then when I went to open the door and left it that way for a while, he didn’t leave, so we’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

Tom has been wonderful at helping me through this cold. It sure beats being all alone like I used to be back east, dealing with colds that were way worse than this, and having no one who gave a shit or who could deal with it.

I’ll be getting Tom up at 1:30, cuz he’ll be going in at 4 AM.

Later...

Tom got up a few times cuz his belly was acting up. I know he’s not intimidated by work, responsibility or people and that he gets along with people very well, but I wonder if it could be a case of new job jitters? He said it’s possible since he’s only human. Now that takes a hell of a guy to be able to admit that. Like I said, there’s a bad kind of macho and a good kind of macho.

At least he could succeed in just about every job possible, whereas I’m warier of people cuz I don’t like or trust them, think they may play with my head, and don’t get along with most people. That’s cuz I’m either too different or they always have some kind of problem with me. They think I’m a defensive bitch, but that’s OK. It’s true, for the most part. You could say it’s mutual. What was I - somewhere in my early 20s when I basically thumbed my nose at the general population, deciding I was too good for most people?

He did his list for April. I highly doubt it, but since I knew there was at least a slim chance he could’ve peeked at mine, I held the envelope up to the light and I saw: You are pregnant or…

Let me guess, after the “or” comes “are about to be.”

That’s cheating, in a sense. He’s so determined to be right in some kind of way about that, that that’s probably why he stuck that in there, but that makes no sense and doesn’t count. I mean, you’re either pregnant or you’re not pregnant. There’s no “on your way to being pregnant.” Maybe if you have a date with Invitro or something, but other than that, you either are or aren’t. Anyway, as far as he’s been concerned, since early ‘94, I’ve either been pregnant or on my way to being pregnant.

I think I also saw “I love you.”

How sweet. At least he knew when he wrote that, that he had to be right on at least one of the things he wrote, huh?

Later...

To continue on with the list I mentioned earlier. I did mine a few days ago, folded it up and put it in an envelope. Then, I told him to do his and put it in the envelope (without looking at mine) and seal it up and I’d put it in the file box.

A tiny bit of me suspects he could’ve checked out mine, cuz of the way he told me not to peek and open the envelope. Sometimes it can be human nature to tell a person not to do something they’re not supposed to do, that you’re not supposed to do, either, but that you may have done. I think that once I see his list in April, I’ll be able to tell if he checked mine out or not. It depends on how opposite from mine his list is. He has a way of being quite an opposite doer/sayer for the most part. It depends on what it’s about. If I say we should kill those wearing green shirts, he’s not gonna agree with me, but if I say something about somebody seeming mellow, for example, he’ll probably say he thought they were high-strung.

As I was going through my journal groups and adding their years, the different fonts finally got on my nerves and I made them all into a basic and simple font. From here on out, though, I can use weird fonts, cuz then I can see, as I type along, which fonts are complete and which aren’t. I have a pretty good idea of which ones are more complete, but if I’ve used the degree sign for say, number 77, I may forget that the degree sign’s there, and change it to a font that doesn’t have that. So, I may use some harder-to-read fonts, but for the most part, it’d be easier if I used those that weren’t too fancy. I can save those for letters.

I forgot to mention that I tried calling Paula a couple of days ago and her phone’s disconnected. I guess she did move, but why hasn’t it been turned on at her new place? It looks like she owed some money on it and lost her phone. She’s a lot like Fran was. She has a phone on and off. Since she hasn’t called me, I’d say there’s a good chance she lost my number. A ditz like that could easily lose someone’s number. Especially when they’re moving. As for her writing to me? If she’s got the address, she probably is too stupid to do so and doesn’t have the time. I don’t know how well she can read in the first place. She may not be very literate. I’d say she did get the letter, cuz it was never returned to me, but she may have lost that, too, and can’t remember my last name or his first name to look us up in the Phoenix directory. I tried to get a number on that friend of hers on Liberty Street she mentioned, but there’s no listing. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see, but if I can’t talk to her again or for a long time, at least I got to chat with her a few times after not being able to for 6 years.

Later...

If only those damn dogs would disappear. You hear them on and off all day in the winter and on and off all night in the summer. Why hasn’t someone done something about it? I can’t believe no one has. I know I’m not the only one who can’t stand to listen to them. They probably tried calling someone and got the same run around I did and didn’t want to bother with the hassles and with not being able to be anonymous about it. Well, at least they can’t wake me up and I can use music or fans to deal with them.

God’s been really good to me as far as next door goes. He’s not home every day, but when he has been, I haven’t heard any music. My guess, at this time, although Tom says there doesn’t have to be a reason, is that he did blow his speakers and doesn’t have the money for new ones now. I hope it’s not just a seasonal thing, as far as him not being there as much. I still wouldn’t be surprised if they came alive again once or twice a month from around April to September, but maybe it’s not just his work that’s keeping him away more often. Maybe they’re not getting along.

Anyway, my nerves have really really eased up as far as their shit goes and now I can even go to bed without fearing or wondering if I’ll be able to sleep. I can’t believe, though, that they only woke me up a few times since they arrived last March. Yes, they’ve been the best ones to be next door since I’ve been here and if they stay like this, I hope they never move. It’s when they calm down and shut up, though, that they do move, but I hope not. If they go back to ever playing their music at a volume that can be heard 5 blocks away, well, then that’ll be a whole different story. I also hope there are hardly ever any loud 6-hour parties, too.

Bunny has a game he plays with me. Most of the time I walk by the end of the cage when I either come from the kitchen or go into it, he runs to the end of the cage for his nose to be patted. It’s so cute.

Kim called earlier and she didn’t even recognize my voice. I told her I had a cold and that while I could breathe, my nose was still stuffy. I’m only hearing at half a volume still, too. She says she’s dumped Bob, but we’ll see. She says she’s not gonna tell him something like she’s moved to Florida, then have me write and say I heard she was killed. She says she wrote to him just over a month ago and that’ll be it. She says that if I tell him she was killed, he’ll kill himself. I doubt that. We thought he’d kill himself or be killed in jail and he’s still alive.

He sent her 10 stamps. That’s really pushy. I mean, he really is trying to get her into writing to him, huh? At least she gets free stamps out of it.

Kim still feels he’s innocent, but I don’t. Not with his mouth. I know that most guys that talk sex all the time are sluts, but he did say he had a kid and I know there’s no such thing as a childless child molester.

Kim also says she thinks she’s got a cold coming on, too. That sucks. She will be going on her annual Florida trip, though, to see her brother and her grandmother.

I’ve been wondering more and more about Paula losing her son and almost losing her other son. What really could’ve happened? She says it was her sister that called DYS on her. Well, seeing how much the court really favors biology over the child’s best interest, I’d say something big had to have gone down. She says someone suspected he (Robert) was being molested and that she doesn’t know if this happened for sure or who could’ve done so if it did, but I think I know what really happened. I know Paula’s violent streak. I’ve seen her constantly yell at that kid and even slap him really good a few times and I think she beat up on him and the sister (as well as others, probably), saw bruises on him. She was constantly telling Justin during our phone conversations that she was gonna punch him in the mouth if he hit her or didn’t settle down. I hate to say this, but here’s the making of a couple of classic lunatics. I mean, those boys are definitely gonna be so very likely to grow up violent and hating women.

I haven’t had any pre-cramps yet, but they should be well on their way. Hopefully, I won’t be a basket case soon, though, but I’d still say I’ve been feeling much better mentally on an overall basis.