I don’t have too much to say now. I’m just hanging out doing the usual. Tom said it’s OK for me to cry, but what will help him is to see that I don’t blow up in a bad way (feel like dying), but I don’t know. I’m doing well so far and my rag is 8 or 9 days away. So, we’ll see how I am emotionally, which is fine so far. My boobs are barely sore and the pre-cramps have yet to start. I’m sure they will, though, in another 4-5 days.

A part of me believes he’ll cum more often, but it’ll take quite a while. Another part of me doesn’t feel he’ll cum more often. It’s hard to believe he will, but since that’s what I said about him ever cumming, we’ll see. Pregnancy is still just such a fantasy and just one big dream. If it weren’t meant to be just a dream in the first place, it would’ve happened by now and not been just a dream as long as it has been.

Those damn little birds! I made the mistake of putting seeds into their bird feeders and now they won’t buzz off. I quit feeding them, but they still try stealing my bird’s seeds.

Later...

Now I weigh 106. And all for eating just a little more today than I did yesterday. I still wouldn’t be surprised if 106 was the new faithful number. Meanwhile, I’ve usually weighed 104 for the last several months. I haven’t even weighed 100 or lower for about 8 months and it seems like the possibility of returning to 100 or lower is getting slimmer and slimmer. Well, there have been times when I’ve lost weight without even trying. Maybe that’ll happen again, but I don’t see it. Plus, I am now in my 30s.

I’ve been taking Benadryl at night to help keep my schedule as steady as possible till after next Thursday. Just 6 more days do I have to try and hope I don’t wake up before 2 PM. I got up at 9 AM today.

I wonder if next door will return for the weekend. I hope not, cuz I know neither of them works on weekends and if they’re there, that ups the potential for parties. They’ve never partied on a weekday or weeknight if I’m remembering correctly. Still, if they’re gonna always be like they’ve been since last October, then I hope they’re here as long as we are. This seems unrealistic, though, and too good to be true.

I wonder why God’s been so good to me lately as far as other people’s noise goes. Cuz I’m sterile? I doubt it. I’ve been sterile all my life and God’s never been the least bit sorry about it, either. He knew exactly what he was doing and why the day he set me up to be exposed to DES.

Anyway, as much as I wish those two dogs would get shot or disappear, that’s all you really hear around here these days.

The trailer across the street hasn’t been here for a while, so they’ll return any time now and we’ll see what they do.

Gizzy’s asleep now on his wheel.

I think I felt the first light pangs of pre-cramps. I tried to sense out what my next period will be like and I did get a vision. It’ll be light. Lighter than it should be and lighter than most women’s periods, but I don’t know how light. I definitely won’t spot, though, and it won’t be heavy. I still probably won’t even need a big pad. Just liners. It used to be that I’d need big pads for a day or two.

I’m pretty sure Rugg will tell me the water is just life and age, but I sure hope to hell I’m okay and that this will be a one-time visit.

Sandy and Jen’s birthdays are on the 4th and 5th. I’ll call there on the 4th. I hope they’re all doing okay.

Later...

I suppose right now you could say I’m bored shitless. Maybe I ought to go read my library book.

Just thought I’d jot down a few lines till my popcorn is done. The microwave is just a few feet away from my work table.