Tom brought home good news about his mom yesterday. She did not have a stroke or anything serious. Just a bad arthritis attack, but she’ll be fine. At least, I hope she will be.

Tom gets more surprising by the minute. I really thought sex would be out of the question yesterday, due to his mother and his not getting as much sleep, but we screwed and got their cages cleaned. It’s still very hard to believe, though, that Tom will surprise me with cumming more than twice a week. Time will tell, but if he did, that’d probably take him years to do. It took him years to even cum in the first place.

Got a letter from Kim yesterday and she sure did tell me something weird. That her boyfriend’s girlfriend was on the pill, not trying to get pregnant, and just found out she was 5 months pregnant. OK, she obviously forgot her pill at one point, God does give babies to those who don’t try to conceive/want to conceive, but she just found out at 5 months? Didn’t she have any symptoms? Didn’t she gain weight, feel movements, puke, or miss enough periods?

I may no longer want a kid after what happened with Larry and with God’s way of having this world be so filled with violence and injustice, but still, does God ever give kids to those who want, plan, and try for them?

Kim also enclosed a Bob letter. It was a very short note saying how he’s oh so devastated that she and I dumped him. Also, my dumping him was very hard on him, but a piece of cake compared to her dumping him. Yeah, I believe that one. Then he goes on and on crying and praying for death. Sorry, Bob. You’re an asshole, a geek, a pervert, and a stupid loser. Therefore, you’re going to live a very long life. God will see to that. God loves you dearly.

Gizzy looked so cute the other day when he held a piece of popcorn (which was bigger than his head) in his tiny hands and ate it.

Later...

Tom’s in bed now, so I’ll just mention a few things, and then go read my book. I didn’t like the second book of Dean Koontz’s, so now I’m reading the last one I’ve got.

Next door never did come in last night. It still appears that they don’t have a pattern as to when they’re there and when they’re not there. I just hope they continue to not be around here and there.

If there is one good thing that 1997 has brought, it’s more sex. At least for now, it’s been that way.

I told Tom that I’d rather be bored than have bad things going on and I’d rather be dead than have my old life back or be without him, but this water/metabolism crap still makes me wonder. I called and asked Dr. R’s nurse if she had any suggestions. She said no and that I’d better see Gloria Rugg and see if it’s connected to my period. She too, seems to think there may be a connection. She mentioned something about hormones but doesn’t know for sure, saying Gloria’s the one who’s up with that. She first said, “You’re not pregnant obviously.” Obviously not, but I still wonder what the hell it could be. I think I may have read or heard that DES can affect hormones and that’s another reason why we can’t conceive or why we miscarry, as well as due to the tissue being all inflamed, but I don’t know for sure. I just hope that Gloria can help me and that this isn’t gonna turn into multiple appointments. I hope it’s just a case of me needing a water pill to set my system straight. I’ll die if I need surgery or if something serious has gone wrong. That’d be just the thing God would do to me, too, to really punish me and piss me off. I’ve been under the knife enough.

Of course, I have mixed emotions about possibly needing a hysterectomy. I mean, I’m already sterile, don’t want a child anymore, so I can live just fine without my parts and it’d be nice to not have periods, but then I have to go through the hassles of surgery, recovery and meds. Anyway, the appointment will be on March 5th. I just hope to hell it’s just one appointment and that everything’s OK and that this problem is solvable. Why do I have the feeling that that’s asking for too much? I still wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if I had to have 3 appointments and that I have all this water just because. I still don’t know if God’s ready to have my parts stripped out of me or if he ever will. That way he can still put me under a spot attack if he wants to.

I still think it’s Tom’s cum. It’s ironic that this all began as soon as he started cumming. I think my body just doesn’t take well to it and rejects it. It’s just like how some people can take and tolerate certain drugs, well, his cum fouled up my whole system.

Another thing that has this water really annoying me is how I have to wake up to pee every goddamn night. Sometimes even more than once.

My only logical guess as to what it could be is the same - age, metabolism, and God. I still worry and wonder about it, although it seems logical that nothing serious is wrong. I’d have to have more symptoms and problems if something was wrong than just water retention.

I’ve been thinking about that dream again. Could it be a sign of something bad to come? Is it not only telling me I need not worry about ever being in Larry and Sandy’s shoes but that there is a significant problem?

Later...

Took two dumps, only ate one granola bar and some popcorn along with a Slim-Fast shake, water, and coffee, and guess what? I still weigh 104. Aaarrrggghhh!