I tried to call the book renewal number, but it’s busy. Guess they must be doing their routine repairs on the system.

A part of me has regrets about the fun we had the other day and the fun we’re gonna have when Tom gets off work (of course, I don’t know if he’ll cum, but if he does, he’s broken a record and that’ll be the quickest he’s cum before a previous get off). The part of it that depresses me, is that I know I’m gonna get some kind of period and I know I shouldn’t. Not if I were OK. An OK woman shouldn’t be getting a period in about a week and an OK woman should’ve been pregnant by now. He says, “Well, maybe we’ll get lucky tonight and instead of talking about it, let’s give it an honest shot.” I want to and if he can cum, great, but I still know I’m gonna get my period and that God will never change his mind and allow us a child. I’ve prayed every day for days now, but I still sense and fear, I’m either being unheard or ignored.

I decided that even if I am ragging on the 5th, I’ll still see Rugg about the Aerobid and see what can be done. He feels that I’ll be OK and that I will get some answers about why I’ve gained weight when none of my eating or life habits have changed, but he isn’t sure if I’ll not be ragging on the 5th (if I get a period, as he says). The hard part is gonna be to keep it together as the PMS sets in, further enhancing my emotions about never being able to have a child. And this guy here! He still insists he’s 100% sure we’re gonna have a kid. How can my husband, of all people, be so blind and so naïve?

He said it’s best not to decide whether or not to mention to Rugg that we’ve been trying for a kid till I get there and see how the conversation flows. I still don’t know if I can get up the guts to mention it. I’m just too afraid of what God would do to me or to us for it and there’s no point. You can’t fight fate/God.

I’m so sick of AOL being busy so much of the time. They’ve already paid out 24 million dollars in lawsuits. They have the money to make it more accessible, but they’d rather use the money to pay out lawsuits than to get more phones.

Bunny’s been terrorizing Piggy. Not to hurt him. They both really do love each other, but he’s just being a bully. He tramples him when he runs across the cage and he sticks his head in Piggy’s house and Piggy screams at him to leave him alone. Piggy hates it when he goes charging towards him, cuz it scares him, cuz Bunny’s 3 times his size.

Bunny also doesn’t seem to like Tom very much. He’s kicked him, tried to bite him, clawed at him, and earlier, Tom says he charged him. He didn’t do anything to him, though.

I reactivated my auto-saver now that we’re not crashing all the time like we used to.

Later...

Just did some singing and soon I’ll do some reading and work more on Jen’s envelopes.

I hope that my package gets here tomorrow, but I’d say it’s more likely to get here Tuesday or Wednesday.

Little Miss Joely and her kid have been here all weekend, but they’ve been quiet, indoors and haven’t had any company. Wait till the weather warms up, though. The only time he was there was for about half an hour last Friday night.

I still can’t get onto AOL. Tom and I ought to sue them and get our fair share. They’d obviously rather pay their money on lawsuits, instead of more phones, anyway.

Tom went to see Ma and Steven. Both are doing well. Steven will be flying back to California on Tuesday.

I wonder what Larry thought of my idea to set Tammy up and give her a piece of his mind. Probably what I figured he’d think of it - funny to think about it, but not worth the bother of doing it.

OK, I can’t think of anything else to say, so I’m gonna go do something else now.