Before I get to the great news, and yes, yesterday turned out to be a far cry better, that wasn’t Mike across the street. He said the house is in escrow, but that the guy that lives there is black. He said there was a black guy and a blond girl over there. So, that’s two rap-blasting blacks in Jeeps we’ve had?

OK, now for my good news. I did the right thing, so I thought, by taking the note down. Then after Tom got up, we got to talking. Again, he said it was his fault for breaking the promise, he’s sorry that he overestimated himself, etc. Then I ended up showing him the note and he said, “OK, let’s go screw.” I was like, what? You can do that? We can do that? Well, we did do that and he got inside right away with no problem and he came, too!

Talk about someone picking me up and pulling me instantly out of the rotten mood I was in! Now I really realize that he was sincere about breaking the promise. He didn’t mean to and I should’ve known this all along. Well, he’s right when he says I’m negative and always assuming people are lying to me or manipulating me. This may have been a major breakthrough to breaking me of my defensiveness and negativity, though, thanks to him. Together, we fought back and won. What I mean by that is, yes, I believe that there’s something that’s been trying to block us from succeeding. I still don’t know if it really is God, the devil, a spirit, etc., but then I began to wonder. Could Tom have been sent not only for us to love each other, but to help me fight this thing off?

You know how it can sometimes take years to figure out the reasoning behind certain events, well, I thought of a possibility. In my mind, and I don’t care what anyone else says or who calls me crazy, but something cursed me and really had it in for me good back east. I left it behind when I came out here. Then I began to suspect it found/followed me here at the time Scott fucked me over. I know everyone has bad times, no matter where they are, but old and familiar patterns were reoccurring. I was starting to slowly spiral downhill, after Scott’s shit and then those kids that lived next to me in the second apartment I had on Bell Rd. were really beginning to drive me nuts with their music, company, door slamming, etc.

Then I met Tom. Tom agreed that some people are more sensitive to both psychic experiences and being controlled and/or influenced by God or the supernatural of whatever kind. What I realized was this - I’m afraid of this shit and easily intimidated, controlled and influenced by it. Tom’s not. So, maybe something good up there connected us also so that he could help me fight them off together. Who knows for sure? It’s just a theory, but I guess fate is still gonna be fate whether or not we’re together. There’s only so much we can do together for each other or us both when it comes to higher powers.

So, after he came, I wondered if we were destined to have that awful night on the 17th, to stop him from cumming, cuz it knew that was my conception time. Or, if it knew last night was my time and it had us have the fight to stall us till it was the right time, figuring he couldn’t get off two days in a row (not that I could ever believe “it” would change its mind about allowing us a child). This is when I still thought I was 13 days after my period. Then when I looked at a calendar, I realized it was 14 days after my period, and I realized that yes, the fight was to prevent a baby. It was too late last night to make a baby. I’m usually on a 26-28-day cycle. More so, it’s usually a 27-28-day cycle, so if the right time is right before the egg pops out, that egg would’ve had to have said hello 24-48 hours before he got off late last night. So, if I’m OK, and if God or something isn’t really in our way, there’s no way we could’ve gotten me pregnant last night, but at least we had fun and at least Tom did wonders for my mood. It was instantly that he brought me from feeling sad, angry, frustrated, hopeless to happy, content, etc. We fought back and won and did what we wanted to do and nothing stopped us. It wasn’t easy for me to fight back. Not since every time I do rise and put up my fists, I get slapped back down into place, but I did it. We did it together.

Whatever it is that’s had a hold on us (I say us, even though it’s me, cuz we’re an “us” here), did try to stop him from cumming. Besides the fact that it was a wee bit too warm, he almost didn’t get off. Every time he seemed to struggle with going over the edge, was when I could sense its presence. But I kept saying these 2 words over and over again in my head; fight and win, fight and win. That backed it off, so we could do what we wanted to do and had set out to do.

Later...

I’m washing sheets today, but anyway, I got a message from Kim. Tom’s taking a day off from all his hard work and is at the racetrack, so when he gets back, I’ll have to ask him what the caller ID box said when she called. She called at 8 AM our time and I went to bed at 2 AM. But he didn’t leave till probably around 10 AM.

Anyway, I expect and understand that getting my period will be hard, so for the next two 2 weeks, I’ll have to keep reminding myself that I knew better. That I knew we were too late and I knew I’d get my period.

Amazingly, I woke up at 106 pounds today, but I’ve had coffee and an apple. I’m sure I’m now 108 pounds as usual.

Later...

Got a letter from Kim. She threw in some Spanish here and there and I understood every word very well. She’s now dating a dentist. I hope it works out for her.

I’m washing sheets today.

Later...

Kim just called and she kept me on the phone for a damn hour. Still, it was nice talking to her. She’s having her ups and downs. More female problems, but is happy with Walter, the dentist she’s seeing that’s 20 years older than her. She said she gets a kick out of how people ask, “Which way?” when she tells them there’s a 20-year age difference. She says she tells them, “Well, he’s not 7 years old.”

Now this is weird. I offed the caffeine, yet my tits are a bit sore. Oh well. At least they shouldn’t be nearly as sore as they were, but as we get closer to my period, we’ll see. I still feel so much better, even though I’m gonna be ragging in two weeks, but I feel bad about accusing Tom of botching up the promise for the 17th. It wasn’t him. It was definitely God or whatever the hell is so determined to hex us sexually and keep us from being parents. If we had done it on the 17th and if he had gotten off, I’d probably have conceived if all’s OK with me, so it made sure we had that fight to stop us.

Tom, who had been up since 10:30 last night, went to bed a couple of hours ago, but before that, he was sweet enough to say, “You said that you thought it was too late when we did it yesterday, but I can try today if you want.” I told him no, it’s OK, he can get to sleep and we’ll just have fun as soon as we can.

At least he was nice enough to remember it and ask me what I felt was best. It’s so amazing how last night, he just took me by the hand, pulled me up, and made me feel so much better. I guess we were both hurt. I was hurt cuz of God and what I thought Tom was doing. And Tom was hurt cuz of how I thought he hurt me deliberately and cuz he overestimated himself. Yes, you could say we’re opposites on that. I tend to underestimate myself, while he tends to overestimate himself.

Tom didn’t win anything at the racetrack today, but he had a lot of fun and he brought me home an awesome present! Well, actually it’s for Gizzy, but it’s fun for me, too. Normally, it costs $13 - $19 for a set of 4 curved tubes. And about $5 for a T-tube or a straight tube. Well, at the grocery store, he got a straight tube for $3 and a set of 4 curved tubes for $5. This is a great deal!

So let me describe what I did. Well, as you know, the base of his living quarters is in the aquarium. There, he has his water bottle, his wheel, and his trap lying on its side with the door open, which he never uses to burrow in. There are tubes leading up from there, just past the top of the aquarium, on top of Piggy’s old burrow, to Mary’s cage. There are two holes on both sides of Mary’s cage for tubes. The other one had that wheel that Gizzy couldn’t use, so that’s where I put the new tubes. They’re kind of in the shape of a backward S, but the top part of the S is straight cuz that’s where the straight piece is. So, now he really has multiple levels and from the very bottom of his living area to the very top of it, is about 4 feet long.

The only time he was up in the new highest level, is when I put him up there and I haven’t seen him use it yet on his own. I hope he does, though, but I don’t know, if he’s not asleep, he’s so obsessed with that wheel. He sometimes sits in the middle of the tube, though (the tube that Mary gave me), but maybe he’ll sit up top. We’ll see.

So, Gizzy’s got 1 T-tube, 1 straight tube, and 8 curved tubes. Both cages are clear glass and clear plastic, but out of all his tubes and connectors, the colors he has are red, yellow, orange, purple, green and pink.

It was pretty funny when I noted to Tom how Gizzy made a duty up in his new tubes, then Tom said, “Yeah. That’s cuz you scared the shit out of him.” Yes, us snapping on the new parts did freak him out for a while.

Now, I’m gonna go do the dishes, make some popcorn, then check out a movie.