I am outside now using Piggy’s old cage for a table. Tom took the sides off it. It’s a bit low.

Not anymore, though, cuz Tom just put the table up on cement blocks.

I have the radio headphones on now, so that every time those fucking dogs bark, I can put on music.

Right now Tom’s chopping old brush up and Bunny’s out running about. He comes up to me periodically for his nose to be petted.

Well, I do want to write more, but I really can’t think of anything more to say, so I guess that’s it!

On the other hand, Bunny’s working on his hole some more. He’s so cute to watch. Especially when he darts across the yard.

Later...

My stomach feels so much better today, thanks to Tom. Since following his suggestions on how to eat and when and what’s good to eat, I feel much better. He’s sure that in a week I’ll have dropped a pound or two, but so far, that doesn’t seem possible. We’ll see in a week, but I still wouldn’t be surprised if I had to starve to lose weight.

The other thing I can say thanks to Tom for is that he really got a lot done around here today. He did some yard work and put carpet scraps that Ma gave us in the bathroom. He cut them to fit in with a knife, but we still have to tack them to the floor. He’s gonna pick up some tape for that. He did other things, too.

These are the good things he did, but the next thing he did, didn’t go over too well with me at all. It’s the same old shit, though, that never changes.

I’m sick and tired of him using me as an excuse for his low sex drive. Instead of coming out and saying he’s not in the mood for sex, he has to blame it on circumstances, and things about me, while he says it’s not my fault.

He still can’t mix work and pleasure worth shit. It’s either working around the house or do nothing and screw.

Now we can’t have sex cuz I got upset this morning and cuz he worries about me. That was hours ago and since then I’ve been fine, and people can still worry about one another and still have sex, can’t they? If he’s gonna worry about me, he’s gonna worry about me, whether we’re screwing or not. And also, the issues that rattled me, aren’t gonna rattle me anymore if we’re screwing.

How can I not feel that I’m being punished for letting out my fears this morning about his bullshit promise, the doctor’s appointment, and my parents’ visit? What? I have to be happy in order to get sex? I can’t get sex if I get mad or sad or talk about how I feel? Why is it that just about every single time I open up about how I feel, I either get fought with for it or deprived of sex?

The point is this, if the guy really wanted it bad enough, he’d get it. And not make so many excuses and have so many conditions surrounding it.

His not wanting to touch me when I’m not happy, really makes me feel like I’m not good enough and not attractive enough, just cuz I’m not happy. It makes me feel like I’m only accepted when I’m happy.

I really can’t wait till he just hurries up and breaks his promise so I can hang up our sex lives forever. You’d think by now he’d have grown out of the games he plays with me pertaining to sex and his false promises and all his excuses, but no. It’s the same old shit and I’m not gonna be a part of it. I’ll be with him and love him forever, but I’m not gonna put in another 3 years of the conflicts and problems that come with sex. If I’m not gonna be good enough to keep a promise to, I’m not gonna be good enough to fuck. When he stops with the excuses, circumstances and with what I have to say and feel, that’ll be different. Meanwhile, everything turns him off, puts him out of the mood, and he just won’t admit that he’s got a low appetite. Well, after he breaks his promise to me - it’s over! Then, if he wants it bad enough and can stop making so many excuses, we’ll see.

I’m not gonna be in this part-time sex life, I’m not gonna be punished with sex, I’m not gonna deal with his conditions and excuses, I’m not gonna be lied to and teased about what’s gonna happen with sex.

I’m not surprised he didn’t touch me today, too. As of tomorrow, we agreed not to have any sex anyway, till after the appointment on the 17th. He just figured he’d add one more day and laugh to himself about it, huh? Yeah, he knew what he was doing.

Earlier he said he could adapt to whatever life presented to him. Well, he’s gonna have to adapt to life presenting him with no sex with his wife after he breaks that promise to me. Of course, that’ll be no problem for him. The only problem with it he’ll have is that he’ll no longer be able to play with my head about sex or make bullshit promises.