I have decided to cut out all my snacks from the diet plan he made up for me, but I don’t know. I still think I’m gonna keep gaining weight and that there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.

Yesterday, Tom and I set up this wooden lamp I made in 6th grade on top of my stereo. I like this so much better than the flashlight. I wish I’d thought of this years ago. It’s a dim fluorescent light and it lights everything up better and I don’t have to wave the flashlight around onto everything I want to see when I’m changing CDs or worry about batteries dying. This bulb should last for several years. I like bright light for reading, writing and drawing, but I like it pitch dark when I’m listening to music or sleeping.

Yesterday may have been a productive day. Tom kept his word about getting things done around here, but the day was shitty as well. Nothing I wrote in my previous entry sunk into Tom’s head. He simply denied it, turned it into an attack on me, etc. There’s no point in talking to him. Talking to him gets us nowhere. All it does is start fights and turn him off. He just says I’m doing what I say he’s doing or he says he’s doing it cuz of something I’m doing. He says it’s not my fault that the things that put him out of the mood for sex, put him out of the mood for sex. Yeah well, it’s awfully hard for me to not feel like I’m to blame and I do take it personally. Then he jumps down my throat for not listening to him, but it’s OK that I’ve asked him nicely a million times to do certain things and he doesn’t listen. He just does whatever he’s gonna do. He’s so obsessed with disagreeing with me and in some ways, there’s just no compromising with him.

Today we’re going to go over to Ma’s, bring her to church, then maybe we can go to the library.

Later...

I am at Ma’s now. Tom’s gone to pick her up from church.

We talked for a little over an hour when we first got here. Half about Nickolena, half about other stuff.

Her new carpet in the living room and her new tile in part of the kitchen area look great.

They’re back now.