I wish I knew what the fuck was going on with my weight. I mean, I just can’t see why I can’t lose the weight anymore. Also, these constant hunger pains have got to go. They’re driving me nuts! If I were to break down, let myself go, and just eat whatever I wanted to, I’d gain a pound a day. Yesterday morning at around 8:00, I was just about to knock off to sleep, but I was sooo fucking hungry. I ate 3 granola bars, 2 hotdogs, and a piece of cheese and I was still hungry!

I just ate a huge beef patty. One that’s pre-cooked, so all you have to do is heat it in a skillet, or whatever, and I feel like I haven’t eaten in years. This is pitiful. Why am I so hungry all the time? When I’d get a 4-piece chicken dinner at KFC, that comes with a biscuit and two side orders, it’d take me 2-4 times of eating it to finish it all, but I know that right now, I could easily consume 4 pieces of chicken, a biscuit, and 2 cups of baked beans. This is sickening!

Andy said that he noticed most of the weight gain in my face. In my face? I thought for sure he’d say he noticed most of it in my stomach. My stomach, legs and ass have gotten hit the most. And my tits, but mostly my stomach, so I guess that’s OK if people notice it in my face. I’d rather have a fat face, than the fat gut I’ve got. Then again, it’s the face you see the most, so I don’t know.

It’s sick, though, and for the last few days, I’ve constantly felt both hungry and nauseous. Well, I’ve basically resigned myself to the fact that I tried, but couldn’t lose the weight and I’m not going to lose the weight, so I may as well just eat what I want, when I want, and forget about what the scale says or what the mirror shows me. Hey, it’s just one more thing about me, my body and my life that God’s taken control over that I can’t do a damn thing about.

Once again, I had a light period and I still look just as bloated as I did before my period. I only got about 98% tit relief, so I’ll have to really watch the caffeine intake this month so that my tits aren’t killing me a whole 3 weeks before the next period we know I’ll be getting on or around May 2nd.

Now I know that the Aerobid didn’t have anything to do with my weight gain. Just the moods.

Tom finally got off again yesterday. Big time. That’s nice, but boy am I getting nervous as we get closer to the 17th - 19th. I know exactly what’s going to happen. Like I said, I can see the whole thing played out. I’ll be hurt and mad, even though I stupidly asked for it by agreeing to this little game of his and I knew that I’d get hurt and angry in the end and just play myself for a fool. And let him play me for a fool, too, with his being a smooth, slick, casual, bold liar. How can he think I’m that stupid to be conned into believing this? I mean, is he that arrogant himself? How does he expect to go from cumming once every week or two on average to 3 days in a row? I mean, doesn’t he know himself better? Can I really know him better than he does? No. I know he knows what he’s doing and what he’s planning to do, just like I know. But why? Why would he want to knowingly hurt me with such an issue that means so much to me? I mean really, when you love someone, you don’t fuck with them like that. Not with something that’s so important to them. You don’t tell them you’re gonna do something you know you’re not gonna do. I mean, what’s the point? What did I do to him to make him want to do this to me? Like I said, he’s just got to prove his point about the timetable and the planning thing, doesn’t he? This is perfect timing, too. Rugg brings up counting and planning, so he’s just got to show me that that won’t work, huh? What’s his bold lie of an excuse gonna be this time? Will it be cuz of something I said or did? Will it be something that hurts him? Will it be cuz he’s tired? Will he cry a bullshit missed orgasm to try to cover for the truth? Or will he just come out and say, “Hey, I tried! You can’t accuse me of breaking a promise that I couldn’t keep when I tried! I really did! It was totally out of my control! It wasn’t my fault! I really was totally sure I could cum 3 days in a row, so I did nothing wrong! You have no right to be hurt or angry with me!”

Andy finally revealed his secret to me. Yes, it is disgusting. Even he said he was just so damn embarrassed and ashamed that he did such a disgusting thing but was amazed at how well I took it. Well, how could I take it? What was I gonna do? Tell him how sick and disgusting it is? That he should feel the way he does about it? That I love him any less? Well, I don’t love him any less and we all do things we feel that way about and regret, but sorry Andy, for lying to you. I promised him I wouldn’t tell anyone or write about it. Well, I won’t tell anyone about it, but I’m about to write about it.

When he was 22, he had his friend Juliet’s dog give him a blowjob.

That is soooo gross! Deeeeeezgusting!

He also told me it scares him that he’s attracted to youthful-looking 16-18-year-old boys. He said he’d never fuck a minor, though, and I know and believe that. Well, like he said, we can’t help who we’re attracted to, but I can’t imagine getting off by some animal. I don’t know how I could even get off by people I wasn’t attracted to sexually, even though I did somehow, but a dog?! Andy said his brothers and others he knew talked about putting strips of meat and other foods on their dicks for dogs to lick off, and how dogs gave great head, and that he wanted to try it. That is just so gross, though. Yuck! That’s the first thing I can truly say about Andy that he did that really is totally sick. That and how he says he eats his snots, fingernails and toenails.

He said he forced the dog to swallow his cum too, which makes no more sense than his having sex with a dog in the first place. He said he did this a few times and one of the times was out on a golf course, which makes it even sicker. To let a dog suck you off is sick but in public? Oh please! While he did this at the golf course, he said that someone that he couldn’t see, cuz it was getting dark, saw him doing this. He said he couldn’t tell if it was a woman or a man, but that they froze in their tracks till he was done with his business and is mortified over the fact that someone out there knows about this.

He says I’m the second person to know about this. He said he made the mistake of telling Bev, of all people, who told his story to a couple of other people to which he denied the whole thing.