Mena’s on now, and believe it or not, she’s going to let me call Tom later. I never liked Mena much because she reminded me too much of Dureen. Maybe she’s not all that bad, though. She even liked the rats! I was surprised.

I was also surprised that the black are-you-OK nurse was friendly for the first time this morning. She woke me up long before she reached my door, and when she did, I was sipping my strawberry soda.

“That stuff tastes good, doesn’t it?” she asked in a cheery voice.

I got a letter from Tom today, informing me that the prairie dogs are getting some of the peas and lettuce. I knew they would. He also enclosed tax forms for me to sign and return.

Means was on again today, teasing everyone. She’s way cool but too loud for 1st shift. When she asked me how I was, I said I was a little tired because a certain loud-mouthed DO kept waking me up.

She said, “I better tell that bitch off!”

That sunlight’s going to be blinding when I get out of here! The realization that yes, I am going home soon, is starting to set in. I cried tears of disbelief and happiness earlier, after looking up through the skylight, knowing that soon I would be out there! Not soon enough, though.

Six months of my life nearly gone. What a waste.

Or was it? Well, of course it was, and of course I’d never been here at all if I had to start all over again, but at the same time, I learned so much and met quite a few interesting people! I even learned that I can handle a lot more than I ever thought I could. When I think of Teddy Bear, I certainly can’t say it was all a waste. The idea of seeing her again makes me hope all the more that the probation works out and that I’m not forced to run.

I wish I could figure that Teddy Bear out! She’s as hard to figure as Palma was at times. Teddy Bear’s nice to everyone, but with all she’s done for me, could she possibly like me? Just like with Palma, for everything she says/does that suggests she doesn’t favor me in any way, she says/does things that suggest there could be more to it. More than with Palma. Palma never opened my door on practically every other walk to tell me things going on with her. Palma never kicked someone out of here so I could be alone. Palma never laughed with me like Teddy Bear does.

If Teddy Bear’s married to a man and has kids, I find it awfully strange that she hasn’t mentioned them. She’s mentioned her pets, her father, and her uncle, but no guys or kids. Teddy Bear seems like a more private type of person, so I suppose that even if she did like me, she wouldn’t discuss it with me. At least not here, she wouldn’t. If I asked her, though, she’d probably answer some of my questions, but I haven’t done so, so I could keep the mystery going. Sometimes it’s more fun to guess and to try to figure people out. Meanwhile, if we’re meant to be friends, pen-pals or anything more, I’ll get the answers then.

Her making my life here less miserable, the suggesting we see each other in a year, the blushing, the smiles, may be a sign of her liking me, but I don’t know for sure.

Her diamond ring makes no sense. If she were gay, she’d more than likely be the dude in the relationship and that’s the wrong ring for that. The non-dominant one wears diamonds or bands, but the dominant one usually wears just bands like a guy would.

She’s way more masculine than Palma. Palma’s only masculine from the neck down, although her face isn’t exactly soft and feminine, either. Teddy Bear’s only feminine quality is her voice. She’s shaped like a man, with wide shoulders and narrow hips, and being as tall as she is only adds to her masculinity. Again, my tastes have changed because I love everything about her. She has OK eyes which become better than OK with eyeliner and mascara. The color of them is beautiful. They’re light brown with flecks of red that go great with her hair. Her rosy lips go nicely with her hair, too. She has nice white teeth, even though they’re a little crooked. She doesn’t look mean like Palma does, although Palma doesn’t look that mean when she’s smiling.

If I were Teddy Bear’s girlfriend, I’d feel safe with her just about anywhere. With a nearly 6-foot girlfriend in tow, I don’t think many people would mess with me. She’s Tom’s size. She’s at least 5’ 10”, 180-200 pounds, but Palma’s only around 5’ 3”, 140 pounds.

Tiffany thinks she looks both goofy and cute. Especially because of how shy she is.

I wrote her a little farewell kite in case I never see her again while I’m still here. Meaning, even if she shows up tomorrow, I’ll still give it to her.

I enclosed our number in the kite in case my letter doesn’t make it to her.

In the kite, I thanked her for making me laugh and for always making me feel safe. I told her I was looking forward to building my mouse community when I get out, and that I’ll miss her, but she’s worth the wait. I also told her she never had to tell me anything she didn’t want to tell me, but I sure am curious about the person who might adopt mice from me and hoped we could learn more about each other in the future and maybe be net pen pals. I thanked her for caring and asked how the new bird was and if she was teaching it to swear – hee, hee! I told her I have “dead” friend Barbies, too. Even a black one because every “stalking racist” has to have one!

Yes, Teddy Bear’s definitely my favorite DO.

Sorry, Palma!

I don’t know if I can ever bring myself to have sex with Tom again, and I get the feeling he’s not any more interested than I am. Guess that’s what goes with being together so long. The sex becomes too comfortable and too predictable. I’ve heard a lot of other people say that their desire dwindles after so many years, too. It doesn’t mean I don’t love Tom. It doesn’t mean he’s ugly or a bad person, but this is what always happens to me even after just a few months. Those that I was with for about 6 months, well, by the 3rd month or so, I was sick of the sex once it was no longer new and exciting. It’d probably last a long time with Teddy Bear, though, if we ever were an item because I’d be the most attracted to her out of anyone I’ve ever been with, be it for one night or longer. She’s definitely the best-looking one I’ve ever gotten! Or at least hope to get.

Also, he may’ve been telling the truth about not deliberately holding back, but he just seemed to have too many – I don’t know – excuses, I guess you could say. It was like he’d use things going on either with me or with something else as an excuse to avoid me, rather than come out and say that he just wasn’t in the mood.

My only concern about having a sexual relationship with Teddy Bear is that there have been sexual problems with just about everyone I’ve ever been with. Either that or they have some weird quirk in bed or are boring. I kind of picture Teddy Bear to be a bore in bed because of how shy she is. I have to consider that old sex hex I’ve got on me and the fact that it may interfere with the non-sexual side of our relationship, and again, I’d get bored with it eventually, regardless of what I felt for her and even if it took me longer to tire of her sexually.

Mena walked by and I asked if I could call on her next walk.

She said, “Maybe. I didn’t say yes.”

“But you will because you’re going to be nice to me tonight,” I said.

Sure enough, on her next walk, she let me out and says, “Two minutes! That’s all you’ve got!”

Oh, go pick your nose and eat your snots, Mena!

I ran down quickly and told Tom how sorry I was that we didn’t get to see each other. He’s sorry too, but we both agree that my being close to the end makes it easier to deal with. We quickly talked about mail, and I told him Teddy Bear was going to get some of our mice in a year.