Slept till 11:00 when Tomaszewski got me up for my hour out.

The twirp next door was quiet last night. That’s because Atkinson was on. I’m sure she’ll make up for it tonight, though.

This morning was a blanket exchange. Thank God I’m leaving soon because this blanket’s pitifully thin, although it’s OK in this cell which is warmer.

I’m guessing I’ll weigh 124 pounds when I get home. I’m still not so sure I want to bust my ass losing weight again, only to lose half of what I want to lose, then gain it back. I may only concentrate on toning up my muscles, getting my stamina back, and eating healthier till someone goes and undoes all my hard work again.

When I think about my attraction to Teddy Bear, I realize I don’t like ultra-feminine like I used to. I don’t like an all-out diesel butch, either. I like someone who’s right in the middle. Someone like Teddy Bear that you can’t picture in a dress, yet she still looks like a woman. Someone like Arajo is way too dyky. She makes Teddy Bear seem almost as feminine as I am.

Though pitifully ugly with a heavy-set short body, drab gray eyes and dull sandy brown hair, Nancy I was one of the nicest, considerate, mellow, sensitive cellies I ever had, even though I was only with her for a couple of days. Now she’s about to lose 7 years of her life all based on lies like she just told me. I feel so bad for her. Nancy’s a sweetheart who wouldn’t hurt anyone. A lot of these scumbags deserve what they get and more, but Nancy’s as innocent of any wrongdoing as I am. I just know it, although I don’t know the details of her case. I suspect it has to do with kids, but she’s no more abusive than Rosa could’ve been.

When Hudgens said goodbye to me last night, she said whatever I do, don’t come back.

Oh, I won’t! I’d die first. Not only because this place isn’t a nice place to be, regardless of how the people are, but because the embarrassment alone of facing Teddy Bear would kill me. She’d no doubt be shocked as well as disappointed in me.

I thought about telling Teddy Bear that Peaches had a crush on her just to see her reaction, but I already know what it’d be. She’d just say something like, “Oh,” and blush. Then again, maybe she wouldn’t. I thought she’d blush over my telling her how much better her hair looks growing out, but instead, she seemed pleased by the compliment.

---

Mena just scared the shit out of me by saying that although she’s not sure, she doesn’t know if I’ll be allowed to go to Pinal County since my charges are in Maricopa County. This doesn’t help to comfort me at all, although Tom said that according to the paperwork, I have a right to remain in my home, then get my probation transferred out there.

I lost my freedom, I lost my husband, and now I’m going to lose my home? I don’t think so! I am not going to be forced out of my own home!

God, how do I ever shake these sick, deranged freeloaders from my life?!?! It’s bad enough that they’ve fucked it up this much and are going to get away with it, but you mean they’re going to fuck it up even more? And just how much more? I’m never going to get my life back, never! They’re going to victimize me to my death! I feel like everything I’d normally look forward to once getting out of here is just a dream.

When Mena saw how upset I was getting at the idea of being run out of my own home by my tormentors, she tried to assure me I’d be OK and that they won’t ask me to do things that are unreasonable.

They won’t? Then why am I here over this bullshit and being treated like a child? Why am I going to be told to change my life and probably even where I live when I get out of here?

When is this shit ever going to end?!