Boy, this journal’s going slow, huh? I now realize that I have mixed emotions about typing up journals. I especially love it if I’ve got lots to say and I love the different fonts, but it goes too fast sometimes. Especially since nothing ever really changes around here as it hasn’t in the last year or so. If I was really busy or had things changing all the time, then this would be good.

Anyway, I spoke to Kim last night and according to her, I should get the Bob letters she’s sent and a package from her today. She mailed us a tape about Excel and a brochure as well as a Hanukah present she said she through in.

Yesterday I began doing some drawings on continuous computer paper to use to wrap the Christmas presents for his family. He carved some of my drawings into wood and it looks really cool. Later I’ll color them in.

He got Chanukah candles and reminded me to light them the other night and tried to read the Hebrew prayer that was written out in English on the back of the box of candles. Oh, it was so funny! Reminds me of when Andy was trying to sing in Spanish.

I talked to Tammy and my parents and Tammy has a foot and a half of snow. Last night when I talked to Kim, they got more snow there and she says there’s about 28”!

I asked Tom last night, “If sex is so non-physical and so psychological for you, then why does it matter what I’m wearing?” He said it’s psychological to him. I guess he means in the way that it makes me feel better when I’m all dressed up, rather than dressed bummy.

Last night he told me he was lonely, but could deal with it. Yeah, I believe that one, alright. Since I’ve put the stop to sex, he’s never seemed happier. I wish I were like him. Instead, I find myself wishing we could be compatible sexually, but I know better. He said maybe we could find some way to compromise where I wouldn’t feel like a freak who isn’t doing her job right while we let things progress at their own natural rate. The only thing that’s progressed is me. First we got him inside there, then I moved on to be able to do different positions. He’ll never change and if he’s hoping for sex, it’s just so he can go back to playing the usual game that he’s been playing over the last 2 years. I just don’t fancy the idea of having sex anymore when the other person just isn’t into it, it’s a chore for them, and they’re only doing it to please me.

Yesterday I told Andy a funny story. He said he wished he had a speakerphone so Michelle could hear this. I can’t believe I’ve never told him this. I thought I did. I’m sure I must’ve written about it. Anyway, it was late 1987 or early 1988 when I called Tammy’s and got a snotty woman talking in an accent I could barely understand. I didn’t know it was Tammy’s mother-in-law and that she was from Israel. I said I was Jodi and asked for Tammy, but the snotty woman rambled on saying shit I couldn’t understand, so I told her to go fuck herself and hung up, sure that I had the wrong number. Not so. About two hours later, Tammy called screaming at me - how could you do this to us?! Do what? I was thoroughly confused, then she told me. Oops.

I hear the pigeons out there now.