I sure do have a lot to tell at this time. To be honest, the Christmas presents I got weren’t too impressive for the most part, but here’s a list of what we got, he got and I got, nonetheless. We got these Jenga blocks. You set them up and take blocks from below the stack and pile them up till it topples over. We also got two new pool noodles. Nice colors, too. Pink and light blue. We got a picture of a waterfall in a wooded area. We got a plant and a bathtub mat in the shape of a foot. He got a work light and a T-shirt. I got a needlepoint kit and a manicure set.

We all also got our traditional $50 bills. I’ll be using my $50 bucks for mugs with our pictures on them for Tammy, Bill and my parents and Jenny’s phone certificate.

Mary & Dave’s hamster was cute, but so small compared to piggy. His cage is neat, though, with lots of different colored tubes and wheels.

Jackie and Cindy didn’t show up but the following people were there. Mom & Dad, David, Evie, Nickolena, Pam, Jennifer, Ryan, Nora and Ray. Tom was right when he said that Nickolena was kind of laid back while Jennifer was totally out of control. Made me grateful, once again, how I can never have a kid, even though I still do want one here and there.

We screwed for the second time since I last got so fed up with Tom and his lies about it. All was fine, but I’m back to feeling like a freak about it. Will I ever live to see the day when Tom comes out and tells me the truth behind his not cumming? How can anyone want to wait 16 more months to get help with a problem that’s existed for so long? Despite his fears of me getting pregnant, how can he be happy by always getting his own self off? I know he’s got to be relieving himself in the bathroom and in bed when I’m not in there.

I don’t know if I mentioned this, but they gave Tom a raise. It sucks, though, cuz he’s only getting $8.40 an hour and he won’t get another raise until next October. So, he’s gonna look for a new job to replace this one. When he’ll do this, beats me, since he’s a procrastinator with no plans to have a kid. This job is probably a great excuse for him to make sure I don’t get pregnant, even though he says it’d be no problem since he’d just find a better job. Like someone as smart as he is would get me pregnant before finding this better job? I don’t think so!

Now that the holidays are over and we’re going to start improving financially, he’ll have to come up with new excuses for why he can’t cum. As I knew real damn good and well, my staying fully dressed and our changing our angle for screwing, hasn’t made one damn bit of difference. Still, he lies and says it’ll change and refuses to get help. I told him again that I’m sick of being powerless, I want us to get help and am sick of feeling the way I feel about things on and off and he just said I had to live through it. Gee, thanks! In other words, I just have to live through and accept the fact that he’s full of shit, is gonna do what he wants to do (not cum and have a kid) and to hell with what I want while he tells me he cares and understands and wants to see me happy.

Believe it or not, the calm, serious guy did something quite funny that I think I may have forgotten to write about. When he bought the Chanukah candles he tried reading the Hebrew prayer that was written out in English and God, was it sooo funny! Reminds me of when Andy was trying to sing in Spanish.

Last night I drew flowers, birds and other things on a white T-shirt with those pastel dye sticks from my parents. It was very hard to do, but it looks so cool and I’d love to do some for my Mom, Tammy, Tammy’s kids and Jenny. Also for members of Tom’s family. Tom loved the shirt which I wore to Mary and Dave’s house and he and others thought it looked so professional. Mom and Dad loved their painting, too.