Something totally amazing happened earlier. Well, today I’m mid-cycle and I said to myself, I’ll never get him to screw me today. Only use his tongue on me. So, he went down on me first, then after that, I proceeded to get him hard with my hand and he said, “Oh, I thought we were done.” I then told him I wouldn’t do anything to make him uncomfortable and he said it was OK. So, once again I started to harden him up, then he sat up to look at the clock. I told him to just relax and there’d be plenty of time for him to do whatever he needed to do unless he really wasn’t in the mood. He said again that it was OK. So, on I proceeded again and I thought, this guy is so damn scared, I’m never gonna get him hard, but he did get hard enough to get in there. As figured, though, he wasn’t in there too long due to being tired and he seemed to be not one bit into it.

Afterward, I said, “Hope that makes a baby. I have a good positive feeling.” I said this to see if his reaction would be as I thought it would. He said nothing, but he grinned as if to say, “Oh, no it won’t. I’ve seen to that.” Then I told him I was wrong when I thought he’d never screw me due to being mid-cycle. He said he forgot all about it, but that it wouldn’t have made a difference. I doubt he forgot about it and he’s right. It wouldn’t make a difference since he won’t cum. Still, it was shocking just to have gotten him in there which is always fun for me anyway.

I called Karson earlier to let her know that Gloria was to be on the Bravo Awards and she already knew about it. She sang one song that I don’t really like and she looked OK. She’ll never look like she used to, but she must’ve had surgery or something. Maybe it was the clothes she wore that were black. She had a nice chiffon flowing gown on, but she couldn’t really be that thin. Especially since she only had the kid a year ago. I don’t know what she did. Maybe cuz she can afford it she got a personal fitness trainer or something. I know she did that after she broke her back.

Andy and I spoke with Karson last night and maybe we will again tonight.

Tom got Mary and Dave’s letter to print out. They should get their letter tomorrow.

I’m still looking forward to writing journals again. I do love the pretty fonts and how fast the typing goes (when I have a lot to say), but there are annoying things about it. Like when I turn the computer off thinking I’ve said all I want to say. Then remember something else I want to write about and having to fire up this damn thing. Or wanting to type while Tom’s using this computer. Also, there are times when I want to write something personal and don’t want to do so with him walking around whether or not he really does read my journals, which I really doubt.

Later...

I hope I’ll be awake on New Year’s Eve to see the ball go down. Yes, I will be now that I think of it.

Yesterday I blew the patio off and washed it down with the water gun. It’s still pretty filthy, but hopefully, I can keep the birds off of it. I chase them out into the grassy area, then turn around and walk back and they follow me back up to the patio. I’ll just have to keep feeding them on their blocks out in the back of the yard and see if that drives any sense into them.

Karson’s either out of her mind, blind or I’m blind. She told me that during the video of the drag queens that did a video for her while she was 9 months pregnant and also as a tribute to drag queens who did her throughout the country, there was a quick second shot of her wearing blue while she was 9 months pregnant. I went and looked back through the video and I couldn’t find it.

I’ve got to get my lazy ass in gear here and do some dusting and vacuuming.

I realized last night that before they had straightening irons when I was in my teens and used to blow dry my hair straight, I still had split ends big time. Tom said the blow dryer would probably cause much more damage than the straightening iron.

Anyway, he’s gonna trim an inch (I hope) on the first, then a half-inch every 3 months. Meanwhile, I’ll sit and trim off split ends here and there. There are only millions of them! My hair is in so much better condition, though, when I do straighten it. It’s more manageable and much softer. When I leave it curly it feels like straw and is a bitch to brush through.

Here’s Linda now on KHITS singing Heatwave.

I sometimes still find myself wondering, like I am tonight, how some people I used to know are doing. I suppose I might want to puke if I saw Norah M now. She must be in her mid to late 40s and look much worse than Gloria does now. Isn’t it sad to know that we all get ugly (or fat), no matter how we started off looking as we were young?

I wonder why Jenny C isn’t married. She said she considered getting married someday and would like to have two girls. The only thing I can think of is that she didn’t find Mr. Right and I think that’s gonna be a pretty impossible task for her if she’s as picky as I used to know her to be. Always has a problem with people. Within a week or so we’ll be sending her the phone certificate and the letter. Tom said that this weekend he’ll call them to see if he can buy one somewhere so we don’t have to wait for it to arrive here. Meanwhile, I wonder if Jenny’s thinking I’m not gonna bother.

I can’t believe it still hasn’t rained. When will it? Now that I think of it, though, I really think that this has been the easiest winter here for me as far as my asthma and allergies go. It’s now almost hard to believe that I was once as sick as I was with attacks that landed me in the ER and constant colds, flues, sneezing, and wheezing fits. Most of it was nerves and the filth I lived in as well as the humidity. Now, I may have a good 10 days or so per month that it really hurts to know I’ll never have a kid, but I’m no longer a daily bundle of nerves and it’s dry here and much cleaner. The air in the winter, though, is still not too good due to the snowbirds.

Yuck. There’s this song playing now that Andy likes. He would.

It’s a bummer knowing that in just a week and a half or so, I’ll be depressed with PMS. I wish periods were every few months, instead of every month.

What should I do now? I could do up another shirt with drawings, but I don’t feel like doing that or much of anything. I wish I had something I was just dying to do. It’s not that I don’t want to do anything, it’s that I don’t feel like doing what’s available to me.

Again, I know I should be grateful that I never made it as a singer or can have a kid cuz then I know I’d be crying out for these times of leisure.

Later...

Just as I last typed in my last sentence, I remembered today’s a workout day, so I went and did that. I still have to lose a good 2-3 inches before I feel satisfied and before I can fit into most of my clothes.

Now I’m calling the weather line to see if they say anything about rain. Nope. We’re gonna have highs in the 60s and it’s gonna be pretty dry.

Will Tom let me get pregnant in ‘96? Will God? Still have no vibes about it, but only my logic to go on that says no. Between him and God, he doesn’t want to deal with it and I believe they both don’t think I could survive it. Oh well. I can’t change fate any more than the next person can.

Yes, my legs, gut, and arms do feel firmer, but I don’t know if it’s psychological or not. It’s a good feeling and I hope to hell that I can stick to it for once in for all, cuz I really do feel lousy when I don’t exercise. I feel like one big lazy ball of flab.

I think I’ll go make some spag now. Tom would appreciate that I’m sure.