Tom’s at work till noon. Meanwhile, I’m working on my story and I’ve printed out 64 pages of it.

I drew some really good pictures of a few different cactuses as well as a mule deer.

Now it’s time to type letters, so they can go out Monday.

Later...

Right now Tom’s clearing out space in the garage so we can set up for the tag sale.

He has shown practically no interest in me sexually. I’m surprised I’m not bothered by it. Maybe it’s cuz I’m sick of the same old shit. Unless someone’s going down on me to get off, sex is so fun with someone like him who never gets off. If he were constantly all over me or if he got off every other time, that’d be different. He’s just gotten to be old and boring news when it comes to sex. He’ll always be the same. We do whatever every day for about 4 days, then he won’t touch me. It’s always the same old shitty boring cycle that goes on while he insists he wants to “progress” sexually. He’ll always cry no opportunity and tells me what will help him cum. I can’t help him. There’s nothing at all I can do for him. He needs to help himself and come out of denial and let us use some form of birth control. Then hopefully his games, teasing and lies will stop. Then I won’t feel as abnormal and uncomfortable about sex being just for me and not mutual, should he remain as he is.

He told me he wouldn’t feel comfortable about jerking off in front of me cuz he wouldn’t get off by it. Well, of course not. That’d be too much of a dead giveaway and he doesn’t want to rub it in or tease me that much. He wants to keep me wondering, suspecting, and thinking about it. So, if he were to cum, it’d be awfully obvious and spoil the game. Then there’d be nothing to tease about.

Otherwise, we’re getting along much better. I’m having fewer depression/anger spells over never having a kid and we’re fighting much less. I think, though, it’s cuz I’m so used to his ways now and know he’s set in them, won’t budge and I’m moving into the next phase which is acceptance. Even the thought of seeing a Dr. in ‘97 has got me wondering if I’ll get cold feet when the time comes.