There's this old song by Tracy Chapman called Fast Car that's a really pretty song. Tom likes it, too. I had to really hunt down the radio station that has it and the guy says he'll play it within an hour. I hope so.

The city trucks were next door again, but I couldn't tell what they were doing. 

Yesterday we went to the library again since I couldn't get into the last library book I'd begun and since Tom wanted more electronic books. I got 3 John Saul books, but it turns out that I've read 2 of them.

I'm really looking forward to my books hurrying up and arriving from the Literary Guild.

Tom's still bullshitting me about the bet. You mean to tell me that by the end of the following 31 days, he'll cum and I won't be feeling the abnormality of this issue any longer? Yeah right! I don't think so!

If only we could be in our teens or murderers while we were screwing! God would love us so much and bless us with a child for sure.

He's still not playing the song I requested, but there are still 40 minutes left of the hour.

I just took a peek outside to see if the mailman was on his way. I noticed they put their living room awning back up that had fallen and jarred me out of a sound sleep. There were also a few cardboard boxes and some kind of metal case in the driveway.

I wish I could tell them to take the basketball hoop.

God! All the current music sounds the same and is so boring. Today's music will never be like the 70s.

Later...

What is it with this world's false promises? I called that radio station back and asked what was taking so long to play the song and he hung up on me. So I called back and he was like, oh sorry ma’am. That CD is scratched.

Yeah right! The more I listened to the type of music they played, the more I realized he never even had the song to begin with.

Tom's really confusing. One minute he says he doesn't want to wait to have a family and the next he's upset that I seem anxious to have one. Again I ask myself - do I really want to push him into fatherhood? Isn't it better just to always want one, rather than have one? Not that I have a choice, but to want and not have.

I stepped outside to see if the mail was on its way and asked a guy next door if the house was sold. He said they were just getting it ready, but that someone should be living there soon enough.

Guess I'll never know for sure about the black lady with the 13-month-old son or if she even ever existed.

Later...

I took care of myself earlier as I know my husband won't touch me.

I'm gonna do an experiment to see if Tom does what I think he'll do. I think he'll initiate sex this weekend, then not again till next weekend. Then, it'll be time to see what he feels about a woman for me on the side, even if she's not all that pretty. I need sex more often than he's giving it to me and I miss mutual sex.

I got my books from the book club today. The book that interprets dreams is sort of boring. Then I got 5 novels, but two of them don't seem to be my type. It's hard to tell with just a title and the brief descriptions they give you on their order form.

It seems that Tom tries to make sure our schedules are sort of off. Lately, I've been getting up at 8 or 9 AM and going to bed around midnight. He seems to be getting up very early at 2:00 or 3:00 AM. I wonder if it's to lessen our opportunity for sex, even though he cries no opportunity anyway.

I wonder something about Cigna. When a person needs medical care, it costs Cigna money. Could there be a monetary reward due to those that keep it under a certain amount? Maybe they figure they won't have to reward so many people cuz most people have kids and they cost a fortune and always go to doctors.

But what about Dr. Nielsen? He cost a fortune, but maybe that doesn't count since it's out of the norm. More people have kids over getting an ear canal made. If we ever did get a check, I'm sure he'd pretend he didn't know it was coming, why, or when.

There's got to be some other hidden source of money. How else can he support us and this house if my parents aren't sending money to his account in an agreement that he not get me pregnant, or whatever? I know he has an account with just his name on it.

All this talk about depending on your gut feelings! How can I be so suspicious of this man as far as having a kid goes and be wrong?

Got a letter from Kim today who had sent Bob a letter saying she was pregnant. Bob fell for it and thinks it may be his from when he sent her his cum in the mail. He's too stupid to know that sperm couldn't live that long outside of the body.

Bob’s different, though! He hopes Kim has it if it's his. Any other guy would want her to abort.

The sexual deadbeat should be home any minute now. He couldn't have slept till 4:30 on the dot since I never heard his alarm go off and he wasn't due to arrive at work till 8:00. Then why was he in such a hurry to go to bed at 7:00 last night? Why couldn't he have stayed up till 10:00 and gotten up at 6:00?

Tomorrow he doesn't have to be at work till 11:30. Will he have fun with me in the morning which he claims is his favorite time?

No.