Well, it looks like I just taught myself something new on the computer. The 'home' key puts the cursor back at the beginning of a line. For example, if I'm at the end of a line and want to jump to the beginning of the line, I can just hit that 'home' key instead of using the arrows or the mouse to get there.

We didn't go over to his parent’s house today cuz their company had just left and they were beat. Tom went over to Eldon's while I slept and got some CDs for doing some work on his computer. Tomorrow he's gonna go grocery shopping and pick up that book at the library.

I got up at 11:30 and he went to Jack-n-the-Box and got us a nice treat of burgers, fries, and cheesecake for me.

He's in bed now and I'm gonna be doing several things from updating this journal to laundry to TV to reading to music and other things.

Tom leaked on the chair by the computer. Doesn't he ever use toilet paper? Why is it that male parts can be messier than female parts and why do they have to have such an odor to their bodies, regardless of how regularly they shower? Sometimes I wish I could keep Tom's personality and brains, but turn his body into that of a gorgeous woman. I don't need his dick since it can't get me pregnant. On the other hand, I'd miss his dick cuz I do like to use it cuz I like variety. You can still have variety with a woman, but it's a different kind of variety and I'm not one for strap-on parts or other toys too much. I like to use the person, not toys unless I'm alone.

I did something I feel both happy about and very bad and guilty about and if Tom really ever does read - too bad. It's my journal and I can say what I want and if he were to read it and confront me about it, I'll tell him the truth that I'm about to write.

I've been doing better at accepting that Tom is the way he is and that he'll never change, but I still have my fits of anger about it and bitter resentment and probably always will here and there, even though I know that our not having a kid is the right thing and I'll be thankful for it someday.

Friday morning I had said to him that April 1st was just around the corner and asked him how he expected to win the bet. He said, "I'm gonna try." So, he went from, "I'm gonna win the bet" to "I'm gonna try to win the bet." Then the asshole has the nerve to come out and tell me that in his language both those statements mean the same thing. They do? I don't think so! Now do you think the fucking liar didn't really say he was gonna win it just to cheer me up? I can't believe what a casual and bad liar he is. I can't believe how smoothly and casually he tries to cover it up and make excuses for the lies he's said out of desperation to cheer me, get me off his back and so that he can amuse himself by playing with my head while he's at it. Some husband I've got, huh?

Then he went on to tell me that if he's demanded to do stuff, he won't do it and goes the other way. So, I did something to prove my suspicions. Before we screwed I told him I demanded him not to cum. All he did was laugh and say it was too ridiculous to take seriously. Of course he'd think that! So, naturally, he didn't cum and I told him, "See? You can give in to some demands made of you. The only demands you won't give in to are those you don't want to give in to."

So, after he left for work on Friday I said to myself - OK. You want to take away my right to have something I want, here goes your right to have stuff you want. I smashed one of his cable boxes and I'm gonna keep on smashing and destroying things he wants cuz none of his material things can ever make up for the loss he's giving me and what he's taken away from me - my right to have a child.

Later...

Now I've got to tell you about the really neat thing Tom introduced me to on the computer. I've been having a blast with sound bytes. There's this thing that allows you to add sounds such as laughing, bells, animals, and all kinds of stuff for when you're doing certain things on the computer. Like when you close or open programs, open menus, maximize screens, etc. So, instead of using their sounds, I used the multimedia recorder to record my edits. I picked out some of my favorite edits and am using them for the different places you can use them. I wonder, though, why there are only about 30 places to use them and most of them never get used too often, if at all. I wish you could add sounds to stuff inside of menus, besides when you go to open menus.

Anyway, it's really cool, but I've had to quit for now as I've run out of disk space just like I did last night.

Later... 

It's hard to believe it's already after 5 AM since I got up so much later today than I did yesterday.

In a little over an hour, my birds will be up.

I've begun working on Andy's present for next February 15th for his 35th birthday present. I just wish he'd hurry the fuck over for his 34th birthday present! And to take me to see his house.

Remember how I mentioned getting 4 journals with 112 pages in them at Walmart for $2 each? Well, I've written almost two of them and plan to write one more, but the last one I want to do up for Andy for his 35th birthday since I don't really like them all that much. The lines are too thick and the pages are too tightly bound, making it harder to write towards the center.