Tom brought up a very good point about next door. He believes that the reason they're taking so long to move in is that they're hardly ever home.

Boy, do I ever have some more shocking news, before I get into yesterday's events. I got a letter from Anna & Harry B! They actually wrote back to me! I was so shocked. I mean, I'd have bet everything we own that they wouldn't write back. It's amazing how the things you least believe can happen can surprise you with happening. If only I'd get pregnant next.

Anyway, it was such a sweet letter that brought tears to my eyes and I've got to copy this one in. Any letters that are rare or special for some reason, I like to copy in.

Dear Jodi:

What a wonderful, wonderful surprise we received from you and how very, very happy we are for you.

As for the unhappy things that happened, the phone calls, etc., they are gone. They were gone the minute I told you on the phone, Jodi, this is not the way that you could speak to us. And when you did speak to us, it was all gone.

That's what moms and dads do my darling. And please my nice little girl do not feel that we hold any anger toward what a little girl who had so many problems did to us.

I am just delighted that you are so safe and happy. Tell me about your husband. He must be great.

I am also happy because you have built a relationship with your biological mom and dad. That's very important and you have grown so, that you can handle that.

When we received your letter Dad said: "Wouldn't that bring tears to your eyes" and indeed it did.

We know so many people, so many people come in and out of our lives because of the business we have, but you must know Jodi within your heart that you took a special part of us both and to know that life has begun to give you a decent chance and begun to give you that worth that you always had, makes us so very, very proud of you.

Please, please drop us a line when you can - and please, please believe that your letter just made us feel so great. Take good care of yourself, keep up the good work, tell your husband that your Italian mom and dad say hello and thank you, Jodi, for remembering.

We still love ya...

Ma and Dad B

P.S. Ma Loves Ya

XXXX

Later...

Wasn't that just such a nice letter from Anna and Harry? I'm definitely gonna write them back, but I haven't decided whether or not I'm gonna call them. I know they go to Florida for a little while during the winter, but wouldn't it be nice if they ever came out here? That'd be cool if they knew someone out here like Goldie and Al did and came to see us. I wouldn't count on it, though. Perhaps if we ever go to New England, we can meet.

I don't know if I mentioned this, but Alex's friend has an international phonebook on CD-ROM. Or maybe it covers just the northeastern part of the US. Anyway, I asked him to look up Steve Hester, or more possibly Stephan H. He came up with a Stephen H in New York whose number was disconnected and an SH in New Jersey. When I call that one, though, a guy's voice came on an answering machine and it was definitely not the Steve I knew as my neighbor from Woodside Terrace in Springfield. Boy, would he be truly shocked and delighted to hear how my life has been. Not being able to have a kid may be bad enough, but it's nothing compared to my old life. Especially my childhood, Vermont, Valleyhead, and the NHA.

I think I'll ask him to look up Jai Z, but I don't think he ever had a phone. Not for the most part anyway, but by now, his life may be well established, and he might be able to afford a phone easily. I think he moved to New York City. I know he used to talk about that a lot and used to go there a lot. I wonder if he ever married Jenny L. They did date for quite a while. They were together when I moved back to Woodside Terrace in 1989 and then when they last saw me in Deerfield in 1991.

OK, about yesterday. Tom left to go to Eldon's at about 10:30 AM and I thought he was gonna be back between 2:00 – 3:00, but he didn't return till nearly 7:00 PM. I called over there at Eldon's at 5:30 to see what was up and he said things ended up taking longer than expected, but that he'd be on his way in about an hour.

I was so lonely and so pissed, feeling like he was trying to avoid me and all the more convinced he could care less about trying to make a kid with me. I was thinking of giving him an ultimatum that if he wouldn't allow me a child, then I should at least be able to see other women with no hard feelings on his part. I really felt that all he'd ever continue to do would be to just go to work, come home and eat and watch TV for a few hours, then maybe fuck just to get hard, then go to bed and beat off. All the while bullshitting me about the kid and that we'll have more sex and spend more time together doing things.

He shocked me, though, in such a sweet and surprising way. When he came home I thought he'd put a guilt trip on me for wanting him home more often and tell me to back off for about two weeks, then he'd be home more often, just like he did with the sex issue.

However, he immediately apologized and said he was totally wrong, that I was right, and that he was mine to do whatever I wanted until 11:00.

He only did one raunchy thing to me, but hey, the guy loves this shit so much and is forever addicted to it. I said to him, "OK. You can play cards with me and we'll have sex, but you've got to cum."

"OK," he said. In a sure, confident, and matter-of-fact tone of voice. Of course, though, he was full of shit about the cumming part of it, saying he's trying, and he thought that went without saying and that it's not his choice or doing to not cum. Yeah, right! Still, it turned out to be a great night. We watched an episode of Twin Peaks together, then played cards, then got ice cream and then we screwed and he also went down on me. This was so sweet of him and I told him, I don't want him to stop seeing his parents on the weekends or helping his friends, I just need a bit more time with him. Not just for sex either. I like to chat and play cards or whatever. I never thought I'd want to have sex with or spend so much time with anyone. Anyone else, I'd be so glad that they weren't home that much and had a low sex drive.

If only I could not want a kid and stop feeling like I'm not good enough in bed. I mean, this would be the perfect setup. No mess and no having to deal with birth control. This would be any woman's dream come true who didn't want to get pregnant as long as they could deal with feelings of not being good enough sexually. If I didn't tell Tom that I didn't want a kid, yet felt that way, I'd never have to be in fear that he'd cum. I'd be able to say to myself, he hasn't for over two years, so don't worry, he won't start now.

Then again, if I really didn't want a kid, he just might cum.

This is another reason why I believe Bob's innocent, besides knowing that he's too wimpy to rape anyone and it isn't his style. He told Kim that the doctor told him he had a 1 in 5 million chance of fathering a kid. Well, we all know that almost all rapists and murderers have kids.

I got a letter from Kim today with 3 Bob letters enclosed and that newsletter from Gloria.