I just randomly chose this guy on AOL that was in a chat room to send instant messages to. I said a bunch of my weird shit, then printed it out for Andy. He ought to get a kick out of it and I’m sure he’ll want to bug someone with me sometime.

I wish it were 4:00 in the morning right now. I’m so psyched up for that time, cuz Tom and I are going to a casino that’s on the edge of city limits on an Indian reservation to gamble. Can’t wait! Then in a day or two, we may go to Laughlin.

I slept fine last night. Not as late as I’d have liked to, but no stereos woke me up.

I just cannot wear earrings anymore. I tried again, but all they do is make my earlobes itch. Not even anti-itch cream helped, but I’m not about to ditch all my earrings. They’re too nice.

Again, his not cumming at the times I’m eligible for a miscarriage, really takes the stress off of me. I don’t have nearly as much of a bummed out and hopeless feeling, whereas the more he cums around that time, the more I’m sure that God’s making us miss it so I don’t have to suffer losing it, which I couldn’t handle. So why doesn’t he just let us hit it and have the baby? Obviously, cuz he feels I couldn’t handle that either. Or that I don’t deserve it.

His plan for me works out well, though, cuz I’m really looking forward to gambling. Something that’s pretty hard to do with a kid in tow. You can’t take kids into the casino, either. That’d mean we couldn’t gamble together and that one of us would have to watch the kid in the hotel room, while the other gambled. Yes, it’d be worth it. Well worth it. But fate is fate and a child isn’t a part of my fate. It isn’t a part of our fate.

Later...

Well, we lost. We went to Harrah’s, and although the casino was small, we had fun. It took about an hour to get there and it wasn’t crowded at all. There were mostly older people in there.

Either tomorrow morning or the next morning, we’ll be going to Laughlin.

I just called Mom and Dad and told them all about this morning. When Mom got off the phone, I asked Dad if I looked chubby, since he hasn’t seen me in so long and since I knew he’d be honest. He said no. I was shocked. I really thought he’d at least say, “Well, a little.”

Anyway, they wished us luck in Laughlin.