OK, I’d better get updated here, before I get all backed up.

I got the full flow I expected, but what’s weird, yet nice, is that I’ve had no cramps. I never needed Ibuprofen.

As for the talk with my mother, well, every time I went to say goodbye to her, she’d ask or say something else. It was a total role reversal. I used to do this to her back when I was a phoneaholic.

Anyway, she basically said that they’d probably be leaving Monday the 5th and all’s well, except for the fact that they had to put Heidi to sleep. She says Dad’s really been crying over her.

Also, they probably won’t be calling again till they’re just about here.

I spoke to Shelly too, who said her life’s been hectic but is otherwise fine. She said her photo albums are stored at her dad’s place, but she’ll still get to looking for whatever she can find when she gets the chance.

I sent her a letter and some pictures of Tom and I. One of the pictures of myself I sent her was taken when I was 15.

Shelly also asked about airline ticket prices and mentioned the possibility of coming out in August, but who knows? I told her I didn’t mean to sound selfish, but that it’d probably be easier and best if she came out here. Then I explained why and she said that wasn’t at all selfish, she likes to travel and knows someone in Vegas who wants her to visit, too. She said maybe when her kids are in summer school.

It doesn’t look like avoiding sex during mid-cycle is gonna be possible, but I do intend to try my best to avoid it. I just don’t want to bother with it and with the emotional roller coaster it puts me through when we get so close, just to miss it, while he’s still set in his stubborn ways. As long as he’s obsessed with me waiting on him, I will wait on him. As long as he’s gonna have excuse after excuse and be run through the mill by his mother’s constant, one after the other, projects and errands, I don’t want to bother. Yesterday, for example, he could’ve been home at around 9:30 - 10:00, but no. Cuz of his mother, he didn’t get in till after 1:00. This is another reason why we can’t have sex more often than we do and as long as she’s alive, this is how it’ll be. So, I may bitch about it, but I’ve resigned myself to the fact that there’s nothing I can do about it.

Also, since I very well may not be able to do my latest idea to help myself deal with this, I may once again try the brainwashing routine and resort to making a “dodge getting pregnant” game out of this. By pretending I don’t want a child and that I’m so lucky we keep “missing it” and by focusing on the negs of having a kid, it may help.

He’ll never cum more often and that’s that. But I still don’t know if I’m gonna have the guts to see a doctor in a few years, cuz I know I’ll just lose whatever’s planted in me.

I just hate it when he insists he wants a kid as bad as I do, then turns around with all these excuses! I just don’t and can’t buy it. I’ll buy it in a few years if he still wants to see a doctor, but not now. Not as long as he’s the way he is.

For now, I just have to do everything I can to give up on this till after 2-3 years have passed.

Later...

I asked Tom why he wanted to wait for me to get a couple of periods to see where my cycle truly begins, then said counting wasn’t important to him. He said it was cuz counting seemed to be important to me. Oh no. Not anymore and I told him that months ago. I’m not gonna “work” for a kid. It’s either gonna happen naturally or it’s not gonna happen at all.