Next door left that same day I saw his car there and I didn’t know it, so that’s very nice. I only knew it when I went to check later on and saw that there was no car there.

But I wonder what’s going on next door right now. I mean, all’s perfectly quiet, there are no cars there, but she’s got her living room blinds wide open and the place is brightly lit. This isn’t like her and I hope this doesn’t mean she’s gonna have some wild company. When I saw over there, the place looked almost bare and it’s the 31st, so I wonder if she’s moving. I doubt it, though, cuz why would she have to split at night if she were breaking a lease or something? You only need to do that in apartments usually. Also, there’s no car to move her and her stuff out and there’s no sign up to rent or sell the house.

I hope she doesn’t move. Not as long as she’s been this quiet and as long as he’s almost never here and quiet when he is here.

I got 25 dog and cat address labels from the Humane Society, so I threw them on the backs of people’s envelopes that I normally write to Kim, Bob, Larry, and my folks.

One of the books Ma lent me is another Dean Koontz book and it’s great.

I also have been totally obsessed with this new tiles game I got from AOL. It’s a type of Mah Jong game where you have to match the pieces. It’s a shareware game and the guy who programmed this game says that you’ve only got 30 days with it, or else it’ll shut down if you don’t pay the $20 registration fee. Tom says, though, that due to the fact that this guy’s got some bugs in this game, and cuz it’s his first game he programmed, it may not shut down when my time is up with it and I sure hope not.

We’re still having sex on a full-time basis and I’m so glad to say that things are so much better. There have only been one or two days in over a month since we’ve argued or since I’m been bumming about not being able to ever have a kid. I’m sure that the more time that passes, the less upset over not having a kid I’ll be. I just have to keep reminding myself of the good that I do have and of the fact that my being upset over it (even though we can’t help our emotions) can’t and won’t change anything. It wasn’t meant to be and therefore, I must live life and use what I do have and whatever else I may have in life and make the very best of it.

We went swimming today and the pool’s so comfy now. If only God or someone would kill every single bee in this world, though!

I broke down and went back to feeding the birds. Guess I just felt so guilty; taking care of them for so long, then starving them. It’d probably take a year to get rid of them anyway, so I told myself we’ve got many years before we move, we’re not having a kid to have to worry about it getting messed up within their duties, so just deal with their mess, keep it as clean as you can and enjoy your birds.

Later...

Now I know why she had her blinds wide open. I was just sitting down to listen to music when I heard a car door, so I went and looked and there was a car there. I just hadn’t noticed it before, cuz I didn’t check in the carport area, cuz he usually parks just outside the carport. If he’s gonna be here this weekend, or even longer, I just hope things stay peaceful.

Here’s another reason why he may have quieted down. I met her the day after I first met him and she seemed the least bit friendly and like she did not want to talk to me at all. Andy thinks that maybe she thought I was pretty and therefore, was worried about him noticing that, too. Well, I suspected that too, cuz unless she just doesn’t like whites, I never gave her a reason to not like me, so maybe she told him to shut up to stop me from bitching to him so that he couldn’t have to see me.

Anyway, I hope that their relationship continues to be a part-time one and that we’ll continue to have 2-4 weeks without him being there. That’s all I’d need is for him to live there all the time again, cuz then I’m sure the peace wouldn’t last. Not until I stopped it and I’d rather not have to. It’s June 8th that I’m worried about. That’s when they had that big bash. At least that day falls on a Sunday and not a Saturday, so if I have to listen to them that day, I shouldn’t have to listen to them really late. They had started up at about 2 PM that day last year and they were still going at it at 10 PM when we crashed, so for all I know, they could’ve carried on into the wee hours of the morning.

I just realized something else, too. When I went to listen to music, I heard what sounded exactly like a car door opening, then it was about a half-hour later (just a few minutes ago) that I heard a door shut. I hope that that doesn’t mean that he opened the door, spent a half-hour unloading it cuz he’s moving back in, then shut the door. God, please keep him away. Denying me a child is enough, so please! Keep things with him as they have been over the last several months and please! Shut those dogs up too, or have them decide to move.