As I said, I knew there’d be a price to pay for seeing my folks, but I’m not gonna give in to it and God’s ways with me. Those fucking assholes at Cigna just called and now they’re saying they could read that last PAP and that I’ve got Atypia (non-typical cells) after I got a call a week or so ago saying it was too bloody to be read. Big fucking deal. We’ve all got a few weird cells. I’ve really had it with these quacks that can’t read paps and that say one thing, then another. Is this it now? Is this where God attacks my plumbing so I need a hysterectomy? Well, he can do it cuz except for my ear appointments, my asthma appointments, and my dental cleanings, I’ll never go to another doctor again. And that includes anything for infertility. I’m not working for a child. I’m not paying for a child. I’m not paying to see my folks and God can do whatever he wants to me, even if it means killing me. Tammy just said this is common and that she’s had to repeat paps and she’s had false-positive paps, etc. Yeah well, I ain’t gonna deal with it. I’m done dealing with medical and sexual problems and abnormalities.

Later...

Another funny thing was that after I showed Mom and Dad how I twist my hair up into a bun, Dad said to Ma, “Now you try that.”

Ma’s hair looked the best I’ve ever seen it. It looks much better auburn, straight, and one length than it did brown with curly layers.

At Denny’s, I was asking Dad what CDs they got and he mentioned Melissa Ethridge and K.D. Lang. Does he know they’re gay? That’s when I told him the joke about the missing gay tennis player that they found face down on Ricki Lake. And how both Michael Jackson and J.C. Penny have little boys’ pants half off.

No freeloader driving up at all since he left at 9:00 last night. Now all I have to do is hope he doesn’t return today or tonight, cuz that’d be a sure sign that he’s working his way back into that house.

Later...

I guess I do get some things my way. I’m around mid-cycle and he doesn’t look like he’s gonna be touching me anytime soon and that’s fine with me. I don’t want to go through the emotional roller coaster that comes with us missing it by a day or so and I don’t want problems with sex. I don’t know, though, that his cumming more often would mean I’d feel comfortable screwing during mid-cycle, either. Not when I know that getting pregnant would just mean losing it.

I called in for an 80s CD under a bogus name last night, but don’t know if they’ll send it. I like some of the stuff during the early 80s.

I also forgot to say that I gave Ma a couple of the collector’s plates I stole. She didn’t want to take the second one she liked, but I made her have it and I wanted her to have it. I gave Dad a bolo tie I had made a while back, too.

So far, this year is a copycat of 1992. It started off shitty, then by May it improved. Maybe my parents’ visit was one of the good feelings I had about 1997. Now, all I have to do is hope that if the rest of the year isn’t great, it’s not bad.

I should never have told Tom about Cigna’s call. He got all insensitive about how upset I was about their telling me one thing, then another, and I don’t like being told how I should feel. Next time, I shall keep my business to myself. The woman there said to come back in 3 months to make sure the cells aren’t more abnormal, but of course, I’m not gonna bother. If God wants to get me, the doctors could never stop him and if something’s gonna go wrong with me, it’s gonna go wrong whether I’m here at home or in a doctor’s office. I know there are people who’d argue that and say that maybe a doctor could help me if something went wrong, but I don’t need any help or hassles.

There was a little girl playing basketball that day that I asked the kids to leave about 2-3 weeks ago (it turns out she lives where those damn dogs live) and Tom said that about an hour ago, he saw her talking with the woman next door. I’m shocked. I didn’t think she had it in her to be neighborly. I didn’t think any of them over there did. They’ve never seemed very friendly. Especially her. Maybe it was only cuz it was a child.