I can’t believe how much lettuce this rat can consume. Well, I can and I can’t.

As most of us know, my brother can’t handle rejection, so on Saturday, which is the day he should get my letter, I’ll probably be getting some nasty messages. All of which will be erased without being listened to. As soon as I hear his voice, I’ll erase his message. That is unless he throws away the letter or has it returned to me. If he does read it, though, he won’t part without trying to get the last word first so I’m almost positive he’ll call, but like I said, I’m not even gonna bother with listening to any messages, let alone calling him back. Tom knows not to bother answering any long-distance calls anyway.

Guess now’s a good time as any to go read and walk. I set up the music stand by the walker so I can read while I walk. It passes the time more quickly than music does.

Later…

I went around the house and rearranged family pictures. No, I didn’t throw away all pictures of my parents and Larry, but I put them out of view and into photo albums. I have so many picture frames and not enough room to use them all. Anyway, I substituted pictures that contained Mom, Dad, and Larry, with my nieces, Nana and Pa, or Goldie and Al.

Strangely enough, though, as I was pulling a wedding picture of my folks out of the frame it was sent to me in, I found two old pictures behind it. One had a man, a woman, and a boy of about one year of age. Tom said the little boy looked like my father. I thought that the man could be Papa Joe, but the woman didn’t look like either of my grandmothers, so who can really know for sure. The woman looked to be in her late 40s and back then, it wasn’t common to have little ones at that age. They usually had kids in their 20s. Nowadays, you either have them while you’re still just a kid yourself, or somewhere in the 30s or 40s.

The other picture was of a little girl about 8 years old. Judging by the style of dress she wore, and by the frilly bonnet and corkscrew curls, this picture had to be really old. Like the late 1800s or early 1900s. Probably the early 1900s. I got the feeling right away that it was my maternal grandmother. The eyes seemed to be dark and the face bore a slight resemblance to her.

Later… 

Gosh, things have changed! Tom got into bed naked while I was reading. I just couldn’t do it, though. I just couldn’t go back to that destructive cycle. Nor could I get in the mood. All I could see was my not getting off, and his not getting inside me. I still believe he has his subconscious fears too, that he’s either trying to cover up or shove in my face. He ended up going to sleep, but it’s really weird how we wish to be a certain way or to have certain things, then when we get them, we have mixed emotions about them. I wanted to quit smoking for years. How was I to know that once I did, I’d sometimes regret it? I wanted to stop wanting sex and a kid, but how was I to know I’d feel like I was depriving him? Well, I try to remind myself that he didn’t cum for a very long time in the beginning. At least not by me he didn’t. So I’m not depriving him of anything. He’s never appeared to have a problem with infrequent sex/cumming and he’s still with me. I believe he’d always be with me even if we never screwed again, cuz remember, Tom isn’t your typical violent, horny male. I also don’t see this baby desire. Never have in the past. Still can’t see it now, either.