It looks like I’m finally getting a full flow here, but not much of one yet. So I guess this is just how I am nowadays. I spot for a few days before I flow.

I asked Tom for his opinion on this - I told him I wasn’t sure if I should make the appointment cuz of how I’m feeling right now, which is how I usually feel - all’s fine the way it is, I’m not that curious as to why I don’t work. But I also know that once every month or two, the questions will be back to eat at me. So, what did he think I should do? He said he thinks I should make the appointment. Just make sure I don’t make it too close to Melanie’s appointments and have several so close together. Don’t want to run him ragged. Maybe I’ll wait till I’m done seeing her every two weeks.

I’ll tell you one thing for sure - I’m not playing the repeat pap game. They get one shot and if they can’t read my culture once - then fuck it.

I don’t know, though, cuz I still feel that if I lift a finger to engage in acts of sex or anything having to do with my female parts, I’m just asking for trouble. They can’t help someone whose sex life is like ours. You just can’t mix sex with a relationship, any more than you can mix business with pleasure, cuz there’s almost always a conflict if you do.

I wasn’t meant to have a normal, healthy sex life. I wasn’t meant to be a total woman and I have no business sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. Meddling in God’s work and trying to find out how he did what he did, is a no-no that’ll cost me. God’s reasons should be trusted and not questioned, no matter how off the wall they seem.

Marla’s back home. She sent me an email on health insurance, asking me to ask Andy if he wants any info on it. I’m sure he won’t, but I’ll ask him. Andy isn’t interested in anything. If he could have his way for the rest of his life, he’d have 3 hands. In one hand would be a phone, in the other would be a joint, and in the last, a dick.

Tom went out yesterday afternoon after I went to bed and got some better recording equipment and Windows 98.

Ma got a wheelchair the other day for when she goes out. She’s gotten so weak that she can’t cross even the smallest of parking lots.

She turned the title of her Ford Tempo over to Tom, and Tom’s very old Nissan Centra, which is at his ma’s old house, is as good as dead. He went through it and took out all the tools and stuff we want to keep, and it’ll be towed away to a junkyard.

Later…

We went to PetSmart yesterday morning. There was a really cute, curious, and even friendly rat that sniffed my hand. I want a rat sooooooo bad, but he doesn’t like rats cuz he thinks they look mean and ugly. This makes no sense to me cuz mice and rats are one in the same animal. Only one’s real small, one’s not.

They really have a lot of nice, clever, and cute accessories for a variety of animals. They had cute little logs, shoes, and things like that for little critters to burrow in. I got the mice a really cute 3-story house. It’s of clear plastic and is about 8” tall and 4” wide. It’s got a red 1st floor, a purple 2nd floor, an orange 3rd floor, a yellow roof, and a blue chimney. It was so cute to see them crawling around it. It has a cute little pink ladder that goes to the 2nd floor, but they kept knocking it down. So I put it upstairs for them to chew on. Star, who never goes downstairs or up to the maze or over to the left end of the setup, loves playing with it. The first two floors of the house have little clear windows and the top floor has got a few open holes in it. They can’t just walk into the bottom floor from the ground, either. They have to climb up to the middle floor, then drop down into it. I’m surprised they aren’t sleeping on the bottom floor since it’s so dark and enclosed.

Got my first pink piggy bottle, too. One of those kinds that Bunny doesn’t like (our other one leaks). Velvet’s using this pink bottle with the little knob that swivels, and Bunny’s using the old water bottle with the metal rolling ball.