I’m going to straighten my hair in a few minutes, but first, a white car was at the freeloaders' place an hour ago. This time, I heard a male voice. It sounded a little younger than the cock, so maybe it was the kid. After 4-5 door slams, it left. No car was there late last night and there’s definitely no dog over there cuz it’s too quiet. I must’ve heard someone walking a dog or something.

Later…

Tom brought up a good point about Lisa and I hope he’s right. Since people tend to behave differently around different people, maybe Bill won’t smack the shit out of Lisa. Bill may be reluctant to hit her in front of his folks, even if they’re pretty sick, too. I hope he’s right and that Lisa has a good time. Yes, her problems will still be at home waiting for her return, but she needs a break!

I found a site on the internet where I could get two 8x10 autographed pictures of Jenny Seagrove (Norah), but it came to 20 English pounds which is something like 33 American dollars. Not worth it. Besides, who knows how she looks in these pictures and if she’s older, younger, or has her hair short.

Tom’s running around saying I jinxed him by telling him what I vibed. I told him that as far as his cars go, God wants him to fix them himself to run him ragged and keep him tied up and that he’s gonna have regular car trouble. Especially since his cars are older. Early 80s.

Andy’s cursed in sex and jobs. Tom’s cursed in cars and leaks. I’m cursed with sex and sleep. I threw the sex out the window, but not all curses can be avoided and or thrown away. I can’t say, “Well, I’ll just quit sleeping so I don’t ever have to worry about being woken up, being on a crazy schedule, or not being able to sleep with Tom.”

I’m reading a pretty good book. It’s the last one I got at that used bookstore. Tomorrow after seeing Melanie, we’ll stop in there to pick up some more. This book’s based on a true story about a woman raped by a ghost. Now that’s hard to imagine!

I guessed right too, about who would call to remind me of tomorrow’s appointment. The secretary that I see whenever I go there called. I think her name’s Trish.

Last night Tom was saying I looked thinner and I thought I felt thinner too, but we were obviously seeing and feeling things, cuz I woke up at 121. Must be that I’m not as watery as I normally am. It’s really sick, but I could eat my way up to 124 by the end of the day and by the end of the weekend, I could be close to 130. Eating just a bite a day is hard! And all this hard work isn’t to lose weight, it’s to keep the same weight that’s much too much for me anyway. I can’t believe I gotta slave my ass off just to keep from going from heavy, to even heavier! You mean I gotta live the rest of my life either hungry or very very very big? Shit!

Anyway, I’m kind of treating the food like cigarettes. I slowly cut down until I had no cigarettes. I’m slowly cutting down my food till I’m on just liquids. It’s so fucking hard, though, that I’m still tempted to let my body do what it’s comfortable doing and what’s natural for an older non-smoker and just eat and let myself gain however many more pounds I’m gonna gain, cuz it’s hungry on just one TV dinner, a bowl of popcorn, and some graham crackers a day, and we only live once.

Later…

The bitch just got dropped off by the Caddy. Then who was the prick in the white car talking to if she was gone all day?

I should never have quit smoking, as much as I’ve wanted to for years. I just swapped in one problem for another. When I smoked, I could sometimes breathe, but now that I traded in the cigs for the fat, I’m not sometimes thin. My breathing trouble varied as a smoker, but as a fat person, there’s no varying from thin to fat. This is a new kind of fat. One that I’ve never had to deal with before and that stays with me no matter what. Like a faithful lover hugging me and surrounding me constantly.

Acceptance. Acceptance is the key.